I have seen amongst my paramedic and police friends an increase in marriage splits and infidelity. On talking to others it seems like there is a real trend of partners leaving their wives for someone else once their careers are established. The wives have no idea! I have been married to a policeman for ten years and I don't want it to happen to me. So heartbreaking seeing families split up and wives being left after they have supported their partners through the hard year's. It's hard enough worrying if he will come home each night safely let alone worried about him cheating.
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I think you create a bond over some things. Not saying it's right, but it does happen. That's how my husband and I met. He was leaving his wife and within a couple of weeks, I started working from same location. 13 years and 2 kids later we are still together 🤷.
But having said that, I have friends in emergency services who have been married to their partners for decades 🤷
Could these recent splits be due to covid? It has taken a toll on us all and I can imagine the even greater toll it would take on paramedics and policeman 🤷♀️
I think every state outside of VIC probably had an easier year than most, covid restrictions and border closures had some positive flow on effects.
I think it's possible
I hear you. I've been the sole provider for my family for 20 years. My husband is an ex meth addict and I stood by and supported him through his long recovery . Hes been clean 5 years and has worked hard to secure himself an amazing job. I am now out of work due to covid but he supports us now and so he should.
I know I shouldn't, but I do worry he will run off with someone new. Especially that I'm 18 yrs older than him. I have a lot of demons in my head about this sort of thing. Its probably my own insecurities but I do worry. He has given no signs it will happen but I still struggle with the what it's.
Best advice I was given when u was feeling like this is to live your life the way you want and have him complement you rather then you depend or he depend on you. That way you are strong no matter what- but he likely feels great affection and loyalty to you given what he has been through.
My ex was a cop I left because he changed into a right ass once he’d established his career.
Would often accidentally let slip his mobile number to any female that needed ‘extra support’ and had a few find him on Facebook ‘needing to urgently talk’. Look I can’t say he cheated or not, he told everyone I did though (and I didn’t) but I suppose the 1 boyfriend I’ve had in 4 years vs the 27 GFs in the same period (now engaged after 6 weeks to the new girl 🙄) is probably a more accurate reflection of what really happened to our relationship.
Throws his prestige around for a hard fuck. Male version of a hooker, wines and dines them on his money and badge to buy a fuck no doubt . Total imbecile. What a scrag of a man
I can certainly say he does just that. I’m pretty sure his pick up line or bio on dating sites is Hi, my name is ** and I’m a cop and the girls just drop their panties for him 🙄 like seriously it wasn’t ‘that great’. Men in uniform isn’t always what you see on TV. He’s not that attractive and his attitude sucks continually talking himself up like some hero but yet the girls just seem to swoon for him. Whatever works I suppose 😂 was a really good guy once, becoming a cop changed him though
Yes, mine changed too. The arrogance they develop seems to attract women even more - mine was so loving and emotionally intelligent before he became a cop. Now his detached
Yeah, this reminds me of my ex husband- except he was seeking support from others for our supposed marital problems. Once he had one hook and sinker he left me. She sees the tall handsome man in uniform and brags around town
I know 8 cops. Every single one of them has cheated with another cop and ended up divorced.
I also know two paramedics, both also cheated.
It’s demanding careers with a lot of psychological tax on them. Almost all also suffer some mental health issues on some levels now too. They found comfort in people who they could talk to and understood them.
......- but the poor families that get left behind. There is so much sacrifice - moving around, pay cuts when the are training, shift work, moodiness, missed family events.....then they up and leave anyway.....I know of four police that did the same and just cut their wives off and started a new lives. Being the wife of a cop is not easy even when things are going well. Even worse when they become arrogant, emotionally distant, and have PTSD - another woman is another way to escape what they see/ do. It starts with alcohol, then gaming, exercise, any hobby to distract them...One police officer said to me he will die when he turns 60 anyway (when they retire) so he is living way he wants. Truly living in different world to rest of us. My best advice is keep doing things together - remind him there is a wonderful world with you - you be h escape
6 out of those 8 are female who were the cheaters. It isn’t just the men :)
In all honestly - it mainly happens because an attachment develops to those who understand their struggles and hardships.
It’s hard to go home and justify to someone what they’ve seen/dealt with or the pressure they feel. So often an emotional attachment is formed before a physical/sexual one is.
So my advice is simple; talk to your partner. Empathise with them. Learn about their job. Support them.
Because yes; we understand you’ve had a hard day at work, we understand the kids have been a handful... but today we may have watched a child die, an abused chil returned to their abusive parents, watch an elderly person die alone, seem trauma etc etc so sometimes we don’t attach to our partners on the same level; because our stressors and emotions are different and we often take out work home mentally with us.
That's strong in teaching too. Could be more to do with the change in self when you establish yourself in a career. And as people have said, there's that bond with coworkers if you're not going to keep the boundaries in place. It's a choice to cheat and leave though. If theyrr like that, you'll always be better off the sooner they've left than if they stay and mess around. I think the measure to put your mind at ease is in how real your partner is, the relationship is and your communication is.
Wow, I had no idea about this.
Not everyone will cheat but it's such a stressful environment it is hard to maintain a loving relationship without the none emergency partner making a lot of sacrifices and concessions.
My uncle became a cop a number of years ago after leaving his high paying job and he was married with 2 kids then he cheated on his wife with a number of his colleagues my uncle would of been married 22 years this year if he hadn’t of cheated
My hubby is a police officer as well 🤗
I definitely see what you mean, unfortunately I don't think its a new thing. Like you said us cop wives have enough to worry about let alone this, so I wouldn't. I do see alot of cops wives struggle with the life style, the crazy hours and the time away from home, I think they put alot of pressure on their husbands, and get angry when they do over time and have to go away, don't get me wrong cheating is a scummy thing to do, but I often think why did you go along with it, or enter a relationship with a cop just to turn around and expect them to adjust their work schedule as if thats even possible? I wonder if cops end up with cops because its easier to be with someone who understands the life style? So I have done a few things to cope, firstly I remind myself constantly that my husband is out there helping people, hes making the world a better place for our child. I have worked on becoming independent, I have a good support net work, I have clear boundries when it comes to female work mates and lastely when he is home I expect his support, and I expect him to give me some time to have a break myself.
Hope this helps. I have often thought emergency services partners need a support group or something!
I’m a cop. Heaps of my fellow employees are scum bags!!!! The poor wives are none the wiser. There are some good ones though. Do you know his pin code? Does he hide his phone? Does he go out to a lot of social drinks(they are the worst outings). If he’s a family man and spends his days off with you I wouldn’t be too worried.
You’d be surprised, I know a cop that’s married, his wife has all his passwords, fb etc everything, but he still manages to call and text women before his shift then deletes it after each conversation etc, asks for nudes and hides them in a secret app,
Snapchat’s women,
He also has an ex as his side chick, that after a shift when he’s said hes working overtime, meets her at a secluded spot and she gives him a hand job or blowjob etc
No intercourse as he said that’s cheating 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
His wife is not remotely aware.
He also gets nude pics from his female colleagues.
He’s only been a cop 4 years going on 5.
I badly want to tell the wife, just not sure how to do it.
Yes I know a few who have done similar to this too. I’ve been in the job 13 years. Nothing surprises me any more. In regards to telling the wives...it would depend on how you know her. I only know the husbands so I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything. I try and convince them to leave or say something but ultimately it’s up to them.
He’s my mate, I don’t know her that well,
Yes, I agree but I do feel he’ll come undone eventually, but it’s hard to hear him tell me things at times, I’m married to a fifo worker so I’d be livid if my other half was doing the same to me.
It’s a hard one, as his wife seems lovely but she’s very naive, some other things that have happened I would of thought something might click with her there, but it didn’t.
He is way more arrogant and cocky now than before, he’s realised by throwing around what he does gets him a lot of women swarming after him,
Badge bunnies are everywhere. The blokes aren’t even attractive but are able to pull heaps of girls it’s gross. I would leave it alone. People always shoot the messenger.
Haha badge bunnies, I’ve not heard that one before,
Tbh he’s not either, I think he’s punching well above his weight with his wife!
Yes true, you’re right.
I’ve found this happens in most public sector industries with shift work. There seems to be a 2:1 ratio of cheaters to family men unfortunately.
I have been with my husband for 8 years, he is an officer. I trust him completely, but he is also an insane introvert (as am I) so we both know nothing would happen outside haha.
Prior to us getting together, I would ask him "don't you want to get together with another officer" his answer has always been "hell no". His way of seeing it is, if he wants to talk about work constantly he would but once he's off he doesn't talk about work.
My aunt has been married to my uncle for 30 years. He's in the job also.
I think it's unfair to lump them altogether. It's the person and their morals that come into play.
HOWEVER I will say there are some disgusting people. My husband knew of a woman officer who would screw her team members out on duty - husband and child at home.