I hate that my marriage appears perfect.
I am miserable.
People think we are perfect and have a beautiful family, work hard, have had some bad luck in life (sickness etc) but love each other and strive for more everyday.
The truth is. My husband's an alcoholic and a drug addict, I have PND , anxiety and a personality disorder. I am miserable, I don't spend time with my children anymore because I feel so disengaged. I'm not here anymore. I'm not me anymore. I feel ashamed, embarrassed and guilty that I can't find the courage to find my voice.
I am not perfect and my husband has been so supportive over the last 12 years but I don't know who he is anymore. He sits on his chair, cranky, on his iPad, yelling at me or the kids if we don't have a perfect happy tone. Or don't want to tell him what's wrong. He constantly invalidates anyone with how they feel because he has it harder.
When my husband drinks he picks a fight with me, then it's my fault because I can't take critisism and I'm always defensive but I just constantly feel attacked and not good enough. I say NO MORE prescription drugs and he goes behind my back and asks his friends. And I feel like a fool. I love him but I don't like him. I have no self confidence. He says he is sick of hearing about my emotions and seeing no action. All I do is listen to therapists but I just need to get over it. But he won't see a therapist, he won't go to NA/AA and I feel trapped. I have 5 young children and I am barley scrapping by finaincially as it is.
When it's good it's great. But the good is getting fewer and far between. I resent him. He resents me. He has threatened to take the kids because of my mental health and if he lost in court told me he would kill me.
I'm fucking tired. I'm alone. And I'm just so lost.
I don't have anywhere to go. No
5 Replies
I could have written this myself.
But im also now pregnant. Im leaving ive had enough. Im worried about the reprocussions but i also feel relieved.
I wish i had some advice but i dont.
All i can say is follow your own happiness your not alone and be safe love and light x
Start with telling one person, one family member you are close to. Let it all out, be honest. When you say it out loud, it makes it real. Let things move on from there. One small step, tell someone. Leaving may be a host of small steps over time that get you where you need to be.
Confide please in someone. You’ve got this beautiful lady ❤️
I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of healing hugs.
Have you told your doctor all of what you have said in your post? You need to confide in someone. You can be happy and have a happy life. This is such a tough thing to be going through and you will come out better on the other side. I know it's easy to say stay strong.
Start collecting evidence if you can of your husbands drug addiction and the abuse so you have it documented for court purposes if he ever tries to twist anything. PND is not a reason to have kids taken away from their mother unless their lives are in danger which it doesn't appear so in this case.
Do not feel embarrassed! Everyone has their demons they are fighting, it's surprising how many people I come across or see who seem to have it all and a perfect world but turns out they are struggling etc. Unfortunately society and social media has a lot to answer for.
I feel that 9 out of 10 people have some level of unhappiness, anxiety or depression.
Keep your chin high sweetheart ❤️
It won’t get any better
Listen to some podcasts from
“Love over addiction”
Love yourself
And ring dv number They can help you
I could have written this, wow!!! I'm feeling every bit of your pain, but I can't help, as I am this too. Jist know you are not alone....