How do I stop feeling like a burden

My hubby has just gone back to full time work after spending the last 7years caring for me and running a small business. (I worked with him the days I could) I have a lot of health issues which prevent me from seeking work of my own. I stay home and do the household chores, have tea done as well as preparing lunch meals for options to take to work/school for him and the kids. I had a falling out with my eldest child back in September, I’ve seen him once since then and he looked down at me like I was a piece of shit. I don’t have any other family or friends and since then mentally I haven’t been right. I’m pushing my husband away because I feel like now he is at work and socialising he will realise he can do better and if I push first I can’t be rejected. But it’s more than just feeling rejected. I have nothing to offer him or anyone else for that matter. So now he is out busting his butt and me well I’m just here to do the housework and cook meals. I don’t know how to move passed these feelings and I have tried seeking counselling but with Christmas and COVID the earliest I would be able to see anyone is feb/mar. My dad committed suicide when I was only 11 and I now fully understand why he done it. I can’t even do that right because I’m gutless. I would love any advice on how to move passed this. Sorry for the long post.