With partner for 10 yrs and we have 3 boys together, we both work however he works away 2-3 weeks away at a time then home 1 week and these times off can be very spontaneous so we can never plan anything unless it’s last minute.
now I love spending each and every minute with him when he is home but he is just so moody and dosent want to do anything however hates when I want or need to do something with or without the boys, or he will be the opposite and want me to instantly drop everything and take time off and go and do all these things he wants to do.
But if I say we can’t for any reason (doctor appointment / school commitment / work / money ect it’s like I’m the worse partner in the world
Christmas is coming up we organised an early lunch with my family witch he has refused to go to for some time now even saying if he is home at this stage he not coming however it looks like he will be home and being moody and saying that I don’t want him around and want to spend time with him because I still am going.
I feel like I’m stuck sitting here waiting for him just incase he chooses to come home and we can’t live while he is not cause it just makes him unhappy... a friend invited me and boys to the beach the other week and he got upset because “that’s right do all the fun things without me” I just can’t win and I don’t know how to fix this
Managing work/ partner / child and house to make all happy
Managing work/ partner / child and house to make all happy
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
As a FIFO wife, i think i get where your partner is coming from. He feels like you are moving in leaps and bounds socially. So by the time he gets home, he just wants you. Family time. A time to rest , relax, and stay home with you is probably how he sees it.
Ask him what he wants to do on his one week off. He's craving your undivided attention, and the last thing a person who works away really wants is to galavant off everywhere when they return home for such a short time.
Is FIFO really for him? I would be encouraging him to find a job much more local or with more time at home. He sounds depressed and like he is really resenting the fact he is working away and missing out on family life.
For you, life goes on when he comes home however for him, he thinks the world needs to stop revolving because he has a lot to catch up on and fit in in such a short time. Especially maintaining time with the boys and you.
He needs to give you exact dates so that you can play appointments around him.
My ex was in the army. When defence personnel are deployed and return home, they are told that their family (partner, kids, parents) and friends have continued their lives without them at home. When they arrive home they have to fit in with the lives of their family and friends, not family and friends changing their lives to suit the person returning from deployment. FIFO life would be the same and it sounds as though your partner is struggling with this. He doesn’t like that you and your kids are living your lives while he is away, and doesn’t like that you don’t change your routine and commitments when he is home. He needs to think about whether FIFO is the life for him. You can’t stop living your life because he might be jealous that he’s missing out. Just like you can’t cancel all your commitments when he comes just in case he wants to do something. Yes, try to keep at least a couple of days free for when he is home in case there’s something he wants to do, but if you don’t get much notice of when he’ll be home he can’t complain when you book things in not expecting him home.