I have just discovered my children’s nanny and my ex husband are sleeping together. We went over to his house as my children left their shoes there and the kids ran inside and discovered them in his bed asleep.
Prior to this, my ex husband and I had a fantastic relationship, and were great friends. I know I can’t control who he sees and what he does now we are divorced, and I don’t want to. But this is a 21 year old girl hired to look after our children. He is 40.
Where do I even go from here?
12 Replies
Do you both hire her or just him? There's really nothing you can or should do but I can understand that you wouldn't want to be her employer any more given the circumstances. Things could get messy and if it turns nasty you could be set up to lose custody. A far fetch if you all get along but it does happen, I've heard of best friends making false statements because they were screwing the ex on the side. Again if she only works at his home and is employed only by him then that's got nothing to do with you.
Who's house is she employed to be at? Sounds like it's his house and shes employed by him. If so, it really isn't any of your business, and i Dont mean that rudely. Also the age difference is a non issue.
So what? She's an adult and has been for years. He's your ex. There's nothing you can do.
Wow, that’s a hard one to be confronted with. I understand, I’m great friends with my kids dad and would have no jealousy over a new girlfriend.
BUT if it was a nanny we agreed on and hired to look after the kids then it would be a problem because they were hired to look after the kids not have a relationship with dad
I guess the main important questions would be
Is the nanny just at his house or does she care for the kids at both your houses?
If it’s both houses then that’s not ok to be sleeping with the dad and is instant means for dismissal as you’re her employer too.
If she’s hired just for when the kids are at dads, I’d be asking dad why he hired a nanny with your input ( if he valued your input ) and then did this
21 adult not girl.. both are consenting adults 🤷
How did the kids get inside the house if theyre asleep in bed? I agree with everyone else, if she works for you then cancel that arrangement. The rest is out of your hands.
I think you start calling before going and have them knock.
Why should the kids have to knock on the door of their own house. Dad should lock the door if he doesn't want them entering without notice.
-They are both consenting adults, she isn’t a girl at all.
-As long as she is legal the age gap doesn’t matter.
-Lots of people shag their bosses.
-If your children were that surprised, they are obviously not doing anything unprofessional in front off the children.
-It was in his home, while the kids were in your care, so it’s a non issue
-Maybe call before going to his house.
-Teach your kids to knock before walking into someone’s home, even though he is their dad, its still polite to knock.
- you are divorced, he can shag anyone he wants and she doesn’t owe you a thing. You have no say over the matter and should keep your nose well out of their business.
Yuk this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this. How awkward 🤮
I’m the OP - we live in a VERY small bush town. The only reason I live still there is so I can see my kids otherwise I’d have left town and moved back to where my family is.
His entire family and social network are still there, and we have a lot of mutual friends obviously. Very difficult for me to remove myself from his life and what he’s doing (or not doing). I want to be known as *my name* and as my own person rather than his ex wife which is tough. I can’t escape and create my own life independent of my ex’s family even if I wanted to because I’m surrounded by them.
I tend not to socialise very much because all anyone wants to do is gossip and pry asking questions about my ex and the new nanny.
He has had eight new partners in the five years we’ve been apart so I’m certainly not jealous. There is no way in a million years I’m going back there or want to go back there.
As for the house, we live in the bush. No one locks their houses, most people don’t even have keys. The kids saw his car was there and were excited to tell him something so ran in while I was still in the car.
I just wish he realises how absolutely bloody stupid he looks and that in a gossipy small town his decisions impact on his poor beautiful parents, his brothers, their wives and all of the kids. Small towns are awful for this kind of thing. I wish he could realise how silly he looks and just grow up and be the role model our boys need to develop into wonderful supportive men for their own future wives or partners.
I am thankful for the comments from everyone both on here (and on FB) although surprised at how nasty some of them were. X
There is a reason some places frown upon co-workers having sexual relationships. It makes things awkward. She is your employee, and now she is sleeping with one of her bosses. This can make things become complicated and awkward. If you are feeling uneasy then there is absolutely no harm in finding another nanny for your time with the kids :)