Hello Everyone,
I'm a first time poster and my question is, my kids and I have moved a lot due to DV and then my oldest child caused a lot of hostility and negative attention on us when we did find somewhere to settle, my issue is I'm now finding out about her selfie sessions she did and what she sent to other boys in town, this has impacted us badly, other parent are being rather negative towards me and my other daughter is being stereotyped at school and finding it hard to move on. My oldest has moved away now, but we have been left with her mess to clean up. I can't get work here nor can I make friends, feeling really isolated and have lack of funds. Any help or ideas? Please be kind.
Relocation
Relocation
Posted in:
Health & Wellbeing
8 Replies
I wonder if you have stress and anxiety over the dv and you're blowing this up. (Because i know small towns and I know people that do really shitty things and they always manage to keep going somewhere somehow they always find a way. And i also know anxiety and how you over read into every interaction as a failure and the reason must be you/what people know about you).
Your daughter is also a part of the dv, being eldest she would have been in the house with it longest? so please be kind to her. And remember she didn't cause all this, she's a victim of it too. Just another thing on the list you need to unravel, but you'll get there. Just keep loving each other.
I don't think your understanding my post correctly, my oldest sent nudes to other boys and she had issues with drug and alcohol abuse and gave us years of trouble with police involvement and so on. Now she has left we are now get trouble from parents in town from the trouble she caused and it's making it very hard for my other kids and I to live here. So my question was should we move and start fresh some where else or stay and hope it blows over.
That's completely your decision. Are your other children settled there? School? Friendships? If they've rebuilt then changing that again on their history wouldn't be advisable. Can you afford to move again? It's very expensive to do repeatedly.
Do I think it will blow over? Yes. You and your kids have done nothing, and even if they had directly, it would still blow over.
People really don't care as much about other peoples lives as we think, they're much more self involved, and everything fades with time.
To you, I would say that settling in is very hard, and it takes time and lots of repeated effort and it wont be all sunshine anywhere, location won't change that, good friendships and supports will.
So you realise she is also the product of environment you have brought her up in..
She isn’t the problem... she is the fall out of your life choices.. maybe concentrate on getting her help and less on what people think you you..
Agree
Have you considered your eldest daughters trauma? Is she sending nudes due to poor self esteem having been brought up witnessing DV.
Your very quick to point out how her behaviour affects you. Have you considered she too is the victim of DV and was too young to help herself.
Your child is a product of the environment she was brought up in. This just didn't happen because shes an arsehole. She’s been in a DV situation that you and your ex were in and she has issues. Issues that didn’t just need moving to fix but counselling etc did you get her that?? Or are you so worried about the affect on you of what shes done that you are trying to victim blame her for her issues?
People who mind dont matter, people who matter don't mind.
If you cant get a job there maybe its time to move on. But blaming it on your daughter isnt on. Shes an even bigger victim in all this she didnt have a choice of being a victim she was a victim because you were a victim.
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