I am divorced with 3 kids. I have lived with a new partner nearly 12 months but have decided this isn't what I want anymore. I don't want to leave him just don't want to live with him. I have all girls (2 who are nearly teens so need privacy) I need space. I have animals that don't blend with his and he isn't making an effort to control his (dogs) we have had some heart break where they have killed mine (mine not trainable like a dog) he doesn't pull his weight. We both work but because he does a physical job thinks he works hard and deserves rest when he gets home.
He is acting like a child saying that the relationship will be over. Couples are supposed to live together. I disagree and think it will help us living apart.
Any advice?
9 Replies
This is very a personal choice. I wouldn’t say he’s acting like a child, it may very well be a deal breaker for him. Some people wouldn’t be in a relationship that didn’t eventually lead to living together/marriage. This sounds more to me like you guys aren’t a good fit, and instead of fixing the problems you have you’re feeling like taking a step backwards to save it, it’s not that you can’t live with a partner, it’s that you can’t live with him because he’s lazy and won’t train his pets/respect your space.
Sorry. I'm with him. If I was in a relationship and got told they wanted to stop living together but not break up because our lives didn't fit together, that would be a breakup. Clearly it isn't going anywhere as a relationship. I actually think you calling him a child for expressing that is pretty cold.
He is acting like a child. He doesn't look after the house or his animals, he doesn't take responsibility for anything.
Oh and then there is the my work is more physically taxing so I get to rest and you don't because you have to do the house work.
After a year and it is this hard, I think there's an issue and the relationship will be over. Your lives don't match up and that's okay, he isn't the one for you.
I’d be hurt and definitely think the relationship is doomed if this came up in my relationship.
BUT
I wouldn’t live with him either and think a break up is a small price to pay for my pets to be alive, teenage girls getting the privacy, and not having to do all his housework.
I think this relationship being over is a blessing..
However.. tell him your reasons. Give him an opportunity to help out more if he refuses then leave. He should be a partner not more work..
He can think that. He might leave. You might realise hes not happy and let him go. You cant stay together unhappy though, youve given it a good go and it's clear that doesn't work for you.
My husband and i did this. 16 years married and at one point we lived in different houses 10 years into our marriage for 18 months because of serious differences. We were still a couple living apart.
That 18 month separation changed our relationship for good. 2 years on we are now bigger and better than ever before and living back together.
Sometimes that breather is all two people need to get things back on a repaired path after years of fractures.
It worked for us, but it doesn't work for everyone because once the theory is carried out sometimes its the beginning of the end. But if it's going to be that, its just the inevitable final result anyway.
If he isn't taking any responsibility for himself or the house that he lives in or even respecting you and what you do for work and the fact that you need time off then I say there is no loss if the relationship ends.
You can learn a lot about living with a person and you have learnt A LOT. If he isn't willing to step up to the plate and do what is right for you, your kids and pets and your relationship then he isn't worth any of your effort or time.
Even if he moves out and you keep going what happens if he wants to move back in? He isn't going to change.
Is this really the example you want to set for your kids? That its acceptable for a woman to be treated like a maid and servant? That its okay to not take responsibility for anything? That its okay to give your partner an ultimatum?