Hi sisterhood.
Has anyone suffered from extreme jealousy with your S/O, husband, partner? Particularly post baby.
** Edit this post isnt about if YOU would be okay if your partner had lots of friends of the opposite sex . This is how our relationship has been for the last 8 years and for us is normal.
I have been married to my husband for 4 years and I gave birth to our third baby in June this year. Ever since I have struggled with my self esteem, not really in how I look but my identity. I constantly don't feel good enough, no matter how much I am reassured. I feel like my husband is going to leave me. We have a very open trusting relationship, we regularly exchange phones, know each other pass codes, don't care if we look through each other messages etc. We have always respected when we have called out what we felt was inappropriate behaviour from a friend of the opposite sex and put a stop to it.
But now I am just struggling with the fact he has female friends at all. I feel like he is looking for something I can't offer him. We recently had a situation that has now been addressed were our mutual friend ( more his friend and female) was sending him photos in her bikini unprompted by him. It really bothered me, because this friend has also done other things that have pushed my boundaries of what I felt was appropriate for a female friend of a married man. Now that has been addressed I feel like I have gone psycho!! It actually makes me so upset and angry, crying, wanting to leave when he even has a conversation or a laugh with a girl friend of his or if new girls add him on FB. I have never been like this. I am not the person who cares about female friends. He has always had them, as I have always had male friends, we trust each other and I am not being fair on him. I have deleted all my male friends off everything that's how jealous I'm feeling. Which doesn't make sense because he has never asked me to and it was never even bought up. I feel irrational.
I'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist again to help me address some stuff but I just need some direction and love
10 Replies
The problem is he had given you some small reasons to feel jealous.
I’d be bloody pissed if I found out a girl sent pics of herself in a bikini and my partner didn’t shut that shit down immediately, tell her that wasn’t ok and distance himself etc. it shouldn’t need you to tell him that it’s in appropriate for him to know it.
That coupled with all the changes of pregnancy... I get it.
You need to know your partner has your back at this time and instead you are feeling uncertain, and probably a serious discussion of what is acceptable in this relationship needs to happen so you don’t need to tell him he has crossed a line.
OP here - I understand what your saying and think even though he didn't play into it, he completely ignored it and continued the conversation as normal, it really fucked me off he didn't pull up on it there and then
I would have with a male friend. I can't seem to let it go despite that We have discussed it in length and I feel heard and understood by him.
Postnatal depression?
Sounds like you both have a lot of different sex friends, I don’t think I’d be comfortable with any of this.
You wouldn’t be comfortable with your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
No not saying that, but it seems a constant stream of women adding him on fb, not long term friends or genuine friendships. It sounds like in every day life he’s making a lot of female friends as casual acquaintances, which points to him seeking out those friendships.
OP here - I understand what your saying, most of the people he speaks to are his long term friends, he has been making some new ones recently as he has started a new hobby. That's what I mean by adding new people. It's isn't random women he doesn't know
You need to tell him this. Tell him you feel crazy, you're losing it, you're seeing a psych but meanwhile can he help you by being super open and even stopping the random chats or this one woman.
His priority right now should be you and his family.
He should have pulled her up and now he should put her on mute and not engage for a while.
You'll get it sorted. I feel its all to do with you being post baby. It's a tough time but you'll get there with the right help.
There is a book called You Are Enpugh by Cassie Mendoza-Jones. I highly recommend it.
I think it's okay to feel uncomfortable/angry/hurt if he's received bikini photos from another female. What a hoe bag. I wonder how he would feel if the show was on the other foot? I would be asking him to end that friendship.
The issues your having with feeling unworthy and the intense negative emotions you're having regarding jealousy etc may be more to do with hormones post baby? Maybe a visit to your gp would be a good idea?
Sending loves and big hugs. Doesn't sound like you're having a fun time at the moment xxx