Hi sisterhood
I've just walked away from a toxic 3 year friendship this is the second time in 5 years and now I'm sat here wondering if I'm doimg something wrong but then i realize I have childhood friends whom I'm still very close with that I've held some in excess of 30 years. So.it has gpt me thinking was child me better at picking friends than adult me, or is adult me the problem?
3 Replies
I think child us are all better at making friends. It's literally all we care about and spend out time on. Grown up us comes with baggage, stress, a million plates in the air, and all of us the same trying to fit together, I think, leads to it being much harder to find the real, long lasting ones than the ones that just meet our needs for the time.
Children definitely make friends easier but children also come with less baggage, usually less damaged by life.
Children who are bad friends in childhood are just learning, adults who are bad friends can be toxic.
It would be very unusual for an adult to not have to end some friendships.
I have done the same,many times over and I still return to the friendship.
I think we just want to think the best In people, even if they're toxic. I don't think you as an adult are the problem, it's very kind of you to allow the person back into your life. However, just take a little look inward and try to work out why you let them back in knowing the person is the way they are. (When you find the answer tell me! ) haha
If it helps any this time with my toxic friend, I have her at arms length. I go out for coffee with her every so often. I don't invite her to my family gatherings or events, I don't talk to her about my problems or life issues etc. That way if it goes pear shaped again I won't be so hurt.
Good luck xxx