Hi I have a 14 yr old daughter (grade 9). She is absolutely pushing me to breaking point. So bad that some days I don't even want to go home from work.
She completely and utterly doesn't care about anyone or anything. She acts out at school, she doesn't study, doesn't do homework, doesn't do assignments. She's failing everything at school.
I'm constantly getting emails and phone calls home from teachers.
She doesn't care that she needs to at least try at school. It goes in one ear out the other when I try and explain how important it is to try hard at school for her future.
I've said I don't expect high grades all I expect is to do her best and at least pass.
She is currently on a mental health plan and seeing a counsellor at headspace.
She has a part time job which is wonderful but she spends her last dollar on takeaway food before and after school. So has no idea about the value of money either.
I'm so incredibly worried about her. She isn't the daughter I raised. I honestly don't know her any more and struggling to relate and help her.
I have called the school and spoken to the Head of her grade but they haven't been very helpful.
Her choice in friends isn't the best, she's boy mad!!!
I've considered maybe letting her leave next year to find a full time job maybe hairdressing apprenticeship or something but I don't think she'd even handle working full time! She complains about working a 3hr shift once a week and has even called in sick for it cause she didn't want to work!!
This is not how she's been brought up. We are a hard working, loving family she is just breaking me and she doesn't even care. I'm beyond scared of what the future holds for her if she continues down this path.
5 Replies
The teenage years can be an absolute shit. It’s sounds like your trying but in all honesty it can be shit, especially when a teen hasn’t found the thing that inspires them to do better.
Honestly this is the age where some kids just KNOW deep down what they want to do and where they want to be and how to get there.
Unless she had a passion to do something, letting her drop out is probably not the right action. If she has a passion for hairdressing, makeup, anything some schools allow you to study those subjects. What’s her passion?
Rather than demanding good grades, find out what she is interested in. That might mean trying a few things that don’t work out and that’s ok.
For me if I didn’t have dance and drama at school I would have left, the first chance I got. I did shit in year 10, 11, 12 (except for my favourite subjects) but at least I was in school not sitting on my ass at home: in my 20s I really hit my stride, got a degree and turns out I’m not the idiot I thought I was. I have a gift for academic writing (science) but high school was mostly focused on literary writing which wasn’t my style.
Often this isn’t about raising, it’s about the teen not knowing who they are and where they fit.
Change schools maybe
I agree with both comments. Change schools and maybe speak to the Chaplin about getting help with homework etc and her teachers. My son had issues in primary school and we decided that it's easiest for us not to do homework but instead got help from the school Chaplin so he spends a bit of time with them each week.
As for her spending money on junk. Does the money go into a bank account? Can you take a percentage of it and save it for her and when she wants something like a nice dress etc you can show her how much she has saved and how much she has left to earn to get the nice thing she wants? She will whinge about it but also thank you for it when she finally got that thing she wanted.
You are a terrible mother. Just awful. How dare you raise a typical teenager 🤣.
Just kidding. Teens are AWFUL. You are NOT alone. It's so bloody hard. They go from these little kids and turn into absolute turds!! You are not alone. It's shit. Utter utter shit.
In about 4-5 years, they'll come out on the other side. Hopefully.
You arent alone. I could've written this exactly. I ended up getting an exemption for my daughter mid way through year 9 because it wasn't worth the hell of school. She got a job and worth ethic was the one thing i wanted to make sure she had if she wasnt at school. From 14 - 17 was hell pretty much although she did work, i didnt like her very much at all. Now she has an apprenticeship, her licence and finally i can see light after the black tunnel of hell. Keep supporting her and she will come out the other end.