Hi ladies. My marriage like many and has some challenges and there are many days I really don't think we will make it. My husband has some anger issues and although never physical, I do feel eventually if we don't sort things out I will leave. I am trying to organise counselling but he as yet is not willing to come. My question is, everyone always talks about planning financially before leaving. While I'm hoping for the best and am sticking things out for now, I want to be prepared. We both work and for the most part share our money, however he earns more than me and tends to put money away. I never seem to manage this (if I am honest this partly due to my poor management). I'd like to do some sort of account or investment as a place to put some money just incase. My issue is that although we have a financial advisor, I don't want to talk to him about this. I'm also concerned if we split wouldn't I have to give him half anyway? I'm not trying to do the wrong thing by my husband, I do love him. I hope in a few years time we work through these issues and this money could be an amazing holiday or something. However with 2 young kids I want to also make sure I can leave if I need to. So any advice on where to put away some money each week?
4 Replies
Definitely start working on some separate savings. It’s doesn’t have to be huge. Think deposit on a rental.
A lot depends on how nasty you think it will get. If you are 99% sure you think he will be a grown up, then you probably need a smaller amount than of you think he’d get really nasty. Also depends on what family/friend support you might have.
If he is entitled to half your savings, you are entitled to his. You are entitled to take some assets to set yourself up, that’s not a problem and that will all get sorted out at financial settlement. Just like you are entitled to take things from the home. That doesn’t mean clear him out, but it does mean you have just as much right to one of the dinner sets as he does.
I have a run fund, hilarious name i gave it 15yrs a go, just keep adding funds and at the rate i am going will pay off our house i one big chunk in a little while. I will tell my kids to always have a few dollars go directly to a seperate account , i kinda think no harm in a small stash. Mine started when i was thinking of leaving with 2 little kids, times/ life was hard. Glad we stuck it out and the cash is still my little secret. We are very different in money management styles he is spend what we have as tomorrow isn't promised. I am much more of a planner and like to know i am good if things go wrong. which is why it's still not known. Just put what you can afford in a seperate account, and never look, spend touch it and it grows fast. Good luck and there is security in knowing you always have freedoms of choice. Being trapped is something i never want. I am also frighteningly independent so it feeds my need to be able to look after myself and kids if i had to.
So. When it comes to splitting/divorces/financial settlements everything must be declared. Including cash. If it’s found out that you are hiding something, you ‘could’ walk away with nothing if it would have been deemed a 50/50 split. It is illegal to hide money
With that being said. Just don’t get caught.
I think you should have 2 setups. An account, and a cash stash. You are allowed to try save money for a ‘holiday’ or ‘emergencies’ just do $10-$20 deposits and squirrel away
Then with cash. When grocery shopping, withdrawl an extra $20 and see if it shows up on statements. If not, just pull out a little bit of cash and tuck it away.
Then when it comes time to leave. Do not spend the cash on a ‘big’ item. Like bond. You will need to show how you paid for those big items. But, it might help with some petrol or groceries in the first few months
Another thing. If you do the savings in a separate account, spend it the moment you leave and use that money on bond etc. once it’s spent, it’s hard to claim back. Just don’t go spending it on a lavish lifestyle, as that could be deemed as you wasting it (sorry I don’t know the correct term) and will go against you. This is the money you ‘claim’ in settlement, but if it’s already spent it’s hard to claim back
As long ash’s he declares when they do the legal paperwork it’s fine. She doesn’t have to declare the minute she walks out the door.