I don’t even know where to start .. I am having a tough time at the moment and I feel guilty for even writing in because I know other mums have much worse problems than me but I’m hoping someone can help of at least give some experience or I don’t know anything just something.
My husband of a few years has completely gone off the rails. He’s left us ( we have 2 children together) he took all of our joint finances and has left me to pick up the pieces and pay all the bills.
There is drug use involved, alcohol abuse, gambling a lot of money like a lot and I don’t even want to imagine what else. I will point out there is no cheating ( surprising I know - he’s too lazy to cheat )
He has health issues and has been struggling for a little now and refuses to get help. He works and however is very unmotivated does nothing except work part time and sleep leaving me with all of the household duties. He blames the way he is feeling on his health problems and mental health problems and me, don’t get me wrong I know they are real things and I try to be supportive as I can but how can I bet supportive to someone who isn’t supportive back ?
Anyway he’s left now and is basically saying it’s me who needs to fix this ... honestly I don’t even know if I want to at this point. I have tried to have honest conversations with him and he’s completely in denial - blames everyone and everyone else for his problems.
We currently live in SA so I have no family close. I feel isolated and alone. I wouldn’t dream of telling my family all of these details because it would break their hearts.
I guess I’m just looking for some sort of advice
Thanks xox
6 Replies
You walk away. You can’t fix this relationship.
Your one and only goal should be creating a stable home environment for your kids. That means keeping your ex and ex and getting things sorted out.
Stop keeping his shitty behaviour a secret. Guys like this get away with it and behave badly because they know there victims will keep it a secret. It’s time to speak up and speak out.
He has done you a favour! Let him leave.
Is the drug use his alone?
Start your life again and wipe him off completely. You'll look back one day and be glad you did.
Correct his use alone
Personally if it was me I would walk away. It sounds like a toxic relationship/environment for your children and also yourself to be in.
I am a recovering cocaine addict and have been clean for 5 years. Every one can try to help him and try to talk sense into him but until he is willing to help himself he will never fully recover and get on right pathway. You cant help someone unless they are willing to help themselves. I only get better because I realised I was about to lose my partner.
Remember, the relationship you have will model what is normal for your children.
If you knew this was their marriage would you advise them to stay and put up with it?
You can do it on your own, you already are. Go see Centrelink, sort out your finances and pick up some working hours if possible. Consider reading The Barefoot invested. Being financially in control will give you the power and strength to move past this marriage and understand you deserve better.