I have been in a committed and beautiful relationship for one year (not living together) My partner still enjoys going out for drinks with a couple of mates.. this should not bother me but both friends are not faithful and sometimes invite sleazy women along. This bothers me greatly..my partner is OK not to go any more as it does upset me but I am not sure if I have the right to ask him not to go out with them? Am I being selfish and just plain insecure? What do you think ladies? BTW I did meet him when they were on one of these nights out.
18 Replies
Was he with someone when you met him? Just because his mates are sleazy doesnt mean hes sleazy and if you dont trust him there are a few deeper issues you need to work on. You got this, youre a queen. If he does cheat on you on a night out, it just means hes not worthy of you and you are way too good to waste your life on him.
Yeah he'll be the same. You'd be a mug to be cool with that. He'll make the right choice if he wants to settle down with you.
You cant set rules for him but you can definitely set standards for yourself and pay attention if he chooses not to respect them. Nights out with rats isnt a crazy expectation, pretty low bar to set actually.
My husband has mates like this. The usually end the night with a 'massage' or at strip clubs. I have no issues though. He's not interested in that so while they do that, he ends his night and phones me while he walks home. I don't ask him not to go because they're his mates. But he also only goes out with them once a yr or something. Judge your man by his actions, not theirs.
If you trust him there should be no issue at all. But yeah, you have no right to tell him who he can’t and can’t associate with. His friends where there long before you and will probably be there long after.
Hahaha what a ridiculous comment! 🤣
Why?
You can not dictate who someone else is friends with. They are two seperate people that have their own circles. His friends may be doing the wrong thing, but that In no way means he is going to follow suit and copy them.
Actually it kind of is a really good indicator.
But you still cant cut him off. Its his choice and if you dont like his actions or his choices you can choose not to stick around.
Actually it kinda isn't an indicator of SFA.
Friendships around here are long-term things. These guys have known each other literally their entire lives and are a close knit group.
The behaviours of the individuals is not an indicator of all.
Even for myself, my friends behaviours don't reflect mine.
My partner of over 20 years knows not to ask me to choose between him and them - he won't win. Not because I don't love him but because I don't love them less. I wouldn't do it to him either, his mates have had him 18 years longer than I have.
I dont believe you enjoy going on nights out with your girlfriends that are in a relationship and they go out to pickup and dog around and you enjoy that and are cool with it enough to forcefully defend that its fine?
I'm not the OP so that is not my experience.
My statement is that individuals behaviour within our friend groups do not dictate our own behaviours. Regardless of where we are or who we're with.
Go with him? Can't be a boys night if they invite other women along.
My husband is in a group with mates like this. Some cheat on partners, some don't. He tells me everything and I know his whereabouts. When they bring women back to the hotel he phones me to pick him up or will immediately jump in an Uber home and leave.
I trust him not to do the wrong thing, I too have girlfriends that cheat and it doesn't mean I will.
As a woman if my friends were behaving this way I wouldn’t want to be associated with them. I think it says something about your character when you hang out with people like this.
Doesn’t mean your guy is cheating but being friends with them says something about him.
I mean this is just my experience, but don't force him to give up his friendships. Don't even imply that you'd like him to. As stress builds as you move further along in life together he will resent it more and more
Do you have anything to be worried about? Has he shown that he is going to be unfaithful? Are you not trusting him because of something he has done or your own insecurities?
If he is faithful and you have no reason to not trust him then let him go and drink with his friends. If this is the case then you also need to deal with your insecurities.
I was taken advantage of in a past relationship which made me anxious of a bf having female friends. My last relationship he had female friends before we met and I had to get used to it, it was my own insecurity and it wasn't fair for him to lose friends because I felt insecure.
I would absolutely have an issue with my husband being with mates who are bringing women along that aren't their wives. If my husband thought that was acceptable behaviour and was still happy to drink with them, I would be questioning things to be honest.