So, brains trust...
I know this question has been asked before but it’s a biggie! Here it goes...
Husband and I have been together over 20 years with children who are still youngish.
Whilst we care and have a love for each other we don’t “feel that way”. We enjoy each other’s company and are the best of friends, have general interests and same life goals, Kids to raise. And are generally happy. Couldn’t imagine my life without him. But we don’t desire each other.
Sex has been absent for a few years and if I’m honest I don’t want to go there, and neither does he. The attraction I guess has gone, along with any chemistry we may have had.
Financially we’ve won a few and lost a few (Investing in Business and property) and are currently recovering from losses and are rebuilding our wealth. I run my own Business (my passion) which provides me a semi part time income which would not support me if I was single. ( I have auto immune issues so this also works with my health)
We also don’t have any family support of any kind.
A few years ago I met someone I fell in love with, we are no longer in contact but I still think of them often, miss them and still feel a strong love and desire for. Some days it is crippling. I strongly crave intimacy.
Do I accept this life as “happy enough” or is it worth breaking up my happy family for a life that would mean a financial struggle, broken home, blended families, but a possibility of finding someone or a happiness that may or may not exist.
I might end up with bigger problems and a happiness that doesn’t exist?! Hurting my family along the way. (Children would be a better age in a few years)
What would you do?
6 Replies
Leaving for someone else you haven’t even been in contact with for a long time is a bad idea.
You need to be prepared to be happy as a single person and not go back running to your ex if things don’t work out. It’s also not fair to your future ex to hold him in a relationship when your heart is somewhere else.
Financials can also be challenging and that may mean excepting a lower standard of living/applying for Centrelink benefits etc or getting a job.
Everything in life is a compromise, nobody gets everything they want. So you need to decide what compromises you are prepared to make.
Lust fades.. being in love changes over the decades.. be careful what you blow your life up for... grass isn’t always greener
I'd stay where you are if i were you..
If you are the one wanting to restart the affair, leave.
Be single, do not contact an unavailable man.
Stop using your husband for money.
If your unhappy leave. There is no point living a life unhappy.
If it makes u sad to think of leaving try and rebuild the things that are lacking.
My mantra is to show ur kids how to live a happy life, them and you. No point staying in a relationship for the kids, imagine being told ur parents stayed together for u. Forget money and make ur life fulfilled.
The person from years ago is nothing right now.
I’m hearing very well .. I don’t have advice.. but in the same kinda boat .. 20 yrs with a narcissistic relationship 6 kids... no sex or intimacy for 4-5 yrs ... not joking! But have got a person I have very strong feelings for.. he doesn’t know ( either of them )
Good luck xx