Hi Mummas
I just wanted to ask advice if anyone has had a spouse that has smoked marijuana long term and what effects it has had on your spouse? I.e anger, paranoia, mood swings etc.
When I met my now husband 7 years ago he was a weed smoker I am very anti drug but he smoked very little at the time - fast forward to now he smokes very very heavily before work, before we go out, the second he comes home, all through the day on weekends and so on .. his mood swings are unpredictable and he's extremely angry. God forbid I ask him to help with anything he just flies off the handle if he makes a mess in the kitchen I will ask politely to next time please clean up after himself and I will get abused. We've recently purchased our first home and things have become so much more worse in his behaviour! He treats me like I am his enemy always bad mouthing me even saying things to our daughter like oh is mummy grumpy again when in fact I'm not grumpy I am just sad because of the way he treats me ... I just wish my husband would love me and respect me but I'm slowly realising that you can't make someone do that and I'm really wanting to leave but then he becomes nice again and pulls me back in but the niceness doesn't last long one minute he will be amazing and then literally he will go to the bathroom and his mood will change and he will become very rude and arrogant and sometimes I question if he's on other drugs. Do you think it's worth me getting a drug test and next time he flies off the handle I tell him to do it? People go on and on about how marijuana doesn't cause behavior like this but I am starting to think otherwise.
Most days I hate my life and wish it would end just because of him. It's amazing how one single person can make you feel absolutely worthless but I keep going for my daughters sake because I could never leave her.
15 Replies
Yes it can cause these behaviors in some people with heavy use.
Don't feel bad about walking away. This is not what you signed up for. This is not what you had a child for.
Don't bother with a drug test, what does it matter? His behaviour is unacceptable regardless. If it came back positive for something else will you just continue to blame a different drug? His choices, his behavior, his problem to fix.
There is no fucking way I'd be raising a child in this environment.
Weed, is not the all wonderful harmless drug that people make it out to be and just like alcohol it can be a chicken/ehh scenario. Are they feeling shit, so they start self medicating or did they use too much and cause the problems?
Or this could just be a basic DV scenario where the perpetrator escalates after major mile stones (purchasing a house, baby being born, getting married etc).
At the end of the day, the situation is not one you should stay in and these are not situations your kids should witness.
A drug test would be a waste of time and won’t change his behaviour. He will just try and turn it back on you.
You need to leave.
My ex was lovely when he was high. Was happy, caring, creative, musical...unlike when he was drunk and was an angry abusive jerk.
I much prefer high any day.
Yep that’s exactly how my partner is.
Weed made my ex go from being someone in a full time job who enjoyed traveling and doing fun things to someone who was too lazy to work and was too paranoid to ever do anything. I hate weed.
My experienced too
My ex used to smoke heavily and on the days that he had no money to buy it he would terrorise me for hours, yelling, screaming, running at me with his fist in my face, then go for drives and come back, terrorise his mother until she gave him money which she always did, which just made the whole thing worse. It was a horrible experience. He ended up going away for a few weeks to get clean but still wasn't quite right as a straight person, very angry and aggressive. My current partner on the other hand has never been a heavy smoker, but has regularly smoked for 30 years and I have never seen him lose his shit in 6 years that we have been together. Most patient person I know. I think it's a lot like alcohol and any other drug, too much and it starts to affect your brain.
My partner is similar to your ex when he didn’t have weed. More so the yelling and screaming and crap. I told him I didn’t want to be with a drug addict and he hasn’t touched it now in about 5 month now. Mood has stabilised and he’s not unbearable. And Yeap our best friend has smoked for the last 25 odd years and I’ve never seen him once get the cranks with ANYONE!
Everyone reacts different to it
Stoners are fucking awful. You dont need permission to leave this.
Agree stoner's are awful. Weed certainly does cause behaviour like that. Its his problem to fix not yours and there is nothing you can do to fix his drug abuse. Ignore him when he is unbearable and pick your moment when he is chilled / high to mention how your feeling. If he can't talk about it make what you say a statement not a conversation. Live your life and block out his drug addiction. I feel for you its so isolating living with an addict. How would it make him feel when his daughter is old enough to realise dad is a addict stoner? Being an addict is not sustainable. For him or you.
I have and got out, it will not get better, they lie and cover it and don't care who gets in the way. You need to make a decision for yourself and your child, you are teaching her what is right to accept and treat others, teach her how to walk away if you are not treated right.
Hi my partner smokes like this also but his not angry. Yeah if he has to go without omg its like walking on egg shells no one can do anything he gose into a shell he cant even cope with day to day things.
But he is never like this now im like you n ain't drug also due my childhood and being around pot smokers non stop its something I struggle with but we have an agreement that works for us. I dont know anyone who smokes pot who is like this and I know few people who smoke it. Maybe time to look a little deeper to try find out the root of the problem.
my husband was a light smoker and progressed to a heavy smoker and he was plain revolting if we didn't go home between thing on weekends or he didn't get "down time" after work and god forbid he didn't have any, it ruled his life. However he was functioning, didn't smoke in the morning, worked FT. and finally gave up when i said it was weed or me and the kids. it wasn't about money it was quality of life. He chose us, it was a horrid year where i was tempted to tell him to smoke and move out. but we both stuck it out, he has been clean of 5 years. and he is a different human. happy to be out with out a time limit, fuse isn't as nearly as short etc.
You need to know where your limit is , weed isn't harmless, it's a disaster that no one talks about. Make a decision to make your life good, if he can't or doesn't want to step up, step out for your sanity. this shit isn't worth it.
My husband was a very heavy user from the age of 11 ( I know its bloody criminal what his parents encouraged and actively did with him) I was very anti drug, never tried till I had excruciating pain from mouth surgery even then only did it minimal times over several years. He quit about 10 years ago when he was 26. It 100% fucked his emotions and behaviour up. Before he quit he could smoke out his issues but after he stopped holy smokes he could be a fucking fire cracker and snap at nothing, no impulse control no anger control. He ended up doing some dumb shit and getting himself in trouble with the law. He realised he needed help. Saw a psychologist and had a freaking tonne of therapy which helped him alot.
He has definitely a changed man being sober from weed and has realised it was not something that helped him just hid his issues.
The only way he will change is if he gets a massive bump in the rd which is what mine needed or you be that massive change and leave him to sort his own shit out.
He will not change unless he wants to or is forced to but that force needs to be law enforcement.
So you want your life to end because of him. I have a better idea, if you feel that bad being with him. Kick him out or get your daughter and leave. Be free of the misery and go enjoy your life because your daughter is seeing all this. Go be happy with her and let him sort his own shit out. It does do damage it’s awful long term.