So my husband travels a lot and we have a deal that if he’s away I’m free to do as I please, he just doesn’t want to know anything about it and all communication with other males needs to end when he returns home. It’s always just been fun for me while he’s away but this time he’s been gone for much longer. I’ve been chatting to one particular man whom I have grown feelings for. We are meeting for a date tomorrow and I’m worried I won’t be able to “switch off” when my husband returns in a few weeks. I love my husband and we have never had problems in our marriage. Should I chat to him about it? Am I stressing too much? Should I cancel my date? Should I just wait and see? Help! I can’t talk to my friends about it as they won’t understand.
32 Replies
Cancel the date, the potential is very real here for you to over step the boundaries of the deal.
Ffs what is the point of being married if you get to sleep with other people. Of course feelings are going to develop if you talking to and screwing someone else. Cancel the date and book into a lawyer to sort out a divorce
Just because you don't live like the OP, doesnt make her marriage wrong and thats because marriage is a personal thing with personal arrangements between two people.
Marriage isn't like it once was 50 years ago. I've seen people on this page in the past talking about 1950's housewives and judging those women who have related to that era by stating we are in Modern Times and the 50's vibes have no place in our current Western cultures..well your comment is no different.
Let others live the lives they want. Two consenting adults with different sex lives to yours are none of your business. Modern Marriages of today are the new normal. I'm a sex worker and have been married for 20 years but that's probably something you will judge too because it doesn't fit in with your own personal views.
Even in monogomous marriages , people get feelings for others and run off with them. Monogomy versus non monogomy don't stop that happening.
At least you’re getting paid, you’re a professional, it’s your job.
You aren’t sitting around at home looking for guys to hook up with for thrills/excitement, investing your time in conversations with randoms instead of focusing on your family.
You are focusing on your family, bringing home the bacon, I see this as a completely different situation.
‘Unconventional relationships’ were not invented after the 1950s. They’ve existed since time began.
I think what she’s doing is extremely dangerous.
I assume she’s home alone with children when her benefactor, I mean husband, is away.
What if she comes across a psycho who follows her, finds out where she lives?
What if she ends up with an STI like herpes, you can get that whilst using protection.
Because a random won’t care or tell you when they’re having a flare up and professional sex workers protect themselves because they do a full body exam before and know what to look for (so I’ve heard).
As a single mum on the dating scene, I would never just hook up with random guys, it’s too dangerous with all the tracking, social media, internet around.
If people want to find you, they will and she’s alone.
What a dangerous game to play for thrills.
Why not get a job, a hobby, a vibrator if you’re so bored/horny.
This is a risk for everyone. Someone not seeking outside relationships can cross paths with an unsafe person just by having a conversation.
Single parents who have every right to date, hook up, meet new people can also cross paths with an unsafe person. Are we also just supposed to ‘get a job, a hobby or a vibrator?’ Thanks but I like actual sex with a person. And I have a job & a hobby. I’m also allowed to be the judge of anyone I meet just like you 🙄
Who said she didn’t have a job or had kids? Very assuming of you.
I can’t really think of any mum that looks after her kids alone because partner works way has the time to trawl the web looking for random men to shag, so I would guess she doesn’t have any. Well hopefully, otherwise that’s one messed up family situation
Someone above assumed she didn’t work and had kids? You can’t assume anyone’s situation.
Someone above assumed she didn’t work and had kids? You can’t assume anyone’s situation.
Yes there are risks walking down the local shop, you could get hit by a bus.
By as adults, we should be minimising our risk.
I do some online dating and there’s some crazies out there, it isn’t for the faint hearted and you do need to have your wits about you.
If you’re hooking up with strangers, you aren’t getting to know them, you’re leaving a public space I assume, and are being alone with them in a short period of time. That is risky behaviour.
Plus the type of men hooking up with a bored, horny housewife are going to be the absolute dregs, the worst of the worst.
I’m sorry but she’s married, it’s also just groc to me. As even a single person, I can’t sleep with two different people in the same time period.
Some people lack morals, you won’t be able to change their opinions and see that their behaviour is pure filth. But it’s okay, she has a hooker on her side
She is on The Imperfect Mum site so I'd assume she does have kids...
The page is called the imperfect mum so a big guess would be she has kids
No where does it say he pays her (or that she has kids) he is her husband they have an arrangement, how rude are you calling him her benefactor. You are very judgemental and the fact that you are single already puts you in the "Not qualified to answer this question" catagory. I think you are envious and have quite alot to say assuming she is a sex worker.. you need to read the question again and get your panties out of the knot they are clearly in. She needs help not judgement.
Go on the date, don’t go on the date, what does it matter, nothing is going to ruin what is already broken and fucked up. Keeping going as you are....
Seems that no one here understands either.
Clearly you have an arrangement that works in your marriage. I dont understand why strangers get so worked up about other people's lives.
As for your actual question, I think that if your marriage is your priority relationship at the end of the day then you need to cancel if the potential for feelings for this other man exist.
If you'd rather this other man and are okay with it potentially signalling the end of your marriage then go ahead with the date.
Ultimately only you can decide. Good luck.
And heres me cant get one decent guy! Surely love isnt going to develop in one date? But then, why date at all, youre married? Is your deal to date, or to just hookup?
It’s easy if you’re a bored, lonely, housewife, every single guys dream, sex without any cost, time, commitment.
You will find your man, it takes time to find someone decent and suited to you. But when your going out to find any dick to sit on because your bored and have nothing better to do you will have guys lined up. It’s all about the type of man you want to attract. Do you want an honest, loving, caring, long term partner/husband. Or do you want a man that will willingly sleep with another mans wife?
You said it so well.
Yes! Single 4 years and barely been attracted to anyone! No idea his polyamorous people find enough partners!
This arrangement is always going to have the risk of catching feelings. I guess your husband does as he pleases while away? It is a big risk having an open marriage, marriages get boring so it would be easy to fall for a fling. Maybe you both need to come up with some more rules to avoid all this, like one night hook ups and cut contact afterwards or cut contact if chatting too long with no sex.
But it’s the gays that ruin the sanctimony of marriage 😂😂
New age marriages are a free for all and tailor made these days . Marriage means to merge as one, and agree as one, and it isnt a religious tradition anymore. Its just two ppl agreeing to T's & C's in their own marriages, regardless of same sex, or multiple partnered sex. Didn't you know that?
I don't understand why people have to be jackasses about this?
If you have nothing helpful and non judgmental to contribute, what exactly do you get out of commenting?
OP. Casual sex is obviously within your mutually agreed upon arrangement so I'd say that any of these sexual encounters that have the potential to proceed beyond casual probably need to be nipped in the bud, especially if your relationship is otherwise happy and enjoyable.
It may be worth sitting down and really evaluating your marriage though, it may be that you're happier being able and free to explore new relationships.
I wouldn’t worry, no random man trawling for bored housewives is going to want anything but sex. The girl he ends up with will be squeaky clean, these types of guys have double standards and wouldn’t settle for someone like you. He will sweet talk you to get what he wants, but that’s it.
I wouldn’t worry to much about growing feelings developing. No man will actually want anything more from you than what you offer, sex outside your marriage.
I stayed in a violent relationship for 21 years. He was much older than me, jealous as hell, and people assumed I would cheat on him, but I never did, hoping and wishing he would change.
Dint go out with this man, don’t distort your marriage, because that’s exactly what you are doing. Take a trip to where your husband is, create some excitement in your marriage, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
However, if your marriage is bad and you see no future, end it and do as you please without disrespecting your husband.
If you are already worried about it and it hasn't even happened. I would be cancelling it.
If you're happy with your husband and you already have rules set up, then you need to end it.
My husband and I were looking at getting into swinging and found a nice couple we got along with and we all really gelled together. I really liked them as people.
But my husband and I had rules before we started talking to people and if either of us didn't like where it was going we would stop.
My husband wasn't comfortable, so we stopped.
If you know your husband won't be comfortable, because you already have rules set, then you need to end it.
Communication doesn't seem to be an issue in your marriage so why not just communicate everything you have disclosed to us, with him! ...
I doubt there are many woman that have been in your particular situation and would be hard for you to get a fair answer, and so I think the only way to figure out your situation is to talk to your husband.
You love him, he loves you, you guys have an a arrangement, now there's a hiccup it's time to talk about it and come to a solution.
I'm sure you will both figure this out.
Good luck!