My 8yo son is very open about his sexuality, and has loads of questions, and recently told me that he is a drag queen. He loves dresses, make up, high heals, and he's very "artyfarty" in how he acts, but doesn't want to be a girl. If he's gay so be it, he did say he liked a boy at one stage. He is only 8yo so he may be the most manly of man or he may ne gay, we will support him ether way.
Here is the problem. His 10yo brother isn't as excepting of his brothers curiosity. He picks on him about being a girl, calls him gay, tells him he's stupid when he puts on the dress he picked for his birthday. I dont know how to approach this as we have talked it out with him but he still bullies his brother. My 10yo is a bully in general and we are struggling with teaching him its not ok... help
10 Replies
You need to work on your 10 year old. Using girl as a derogatory comment has so many things wrong with it. Start there!
Next, go onto gender neutrality. Anybody can like any thing they want. Its not linked to a gender. Thats marketing.
Then, teach him about kindness and supporting people to be themselves. Not being an asshole when other people are living their life. Its an important lesson. Comes naturally to some but some need to be taught it.
Your 10 year old needs some urgent lessons in kindness, tolerance, feminism and empathy..
It’s not ok that he is a bully.. he needs some consistent repercussions for his actions.
Is it possible that your 10 year old is having a hard time at school from his peers because his brother likes traditionally feminine things like make up and dresses?
I have a friend who's child is transgender, that child's sibling copped so much shit at school about it which caused him to go home and take it out on his trans sibling.
Not entirely the same thing but it makes me wonder if something similar could be occurring?
You sound very accepting and enlightened and this kind of intolerance is learned, I would bet money that he's learning it at school from kids who have parents like the first commenter.
(Who's comments were deleted).
So my first action would be having a chat to their school.
I think it's also probably time to get Mr 10 some professional help, if he's a bit of a bully by nature, that stems from somewhere and getting to the root of the cause is going to help everyone.
Yep. I'd say your 10 yr old is being bullied for his brother so he's lashing out in similar style. Also, as wonderful it is that you encourage your 8 yr old to be his own person, he's 8. Don't label his sexuality or clothing choice. Sexuality is a spectrum and takes years to fully develop. An 8 yr old also isn't a drag queen. I'd challenge him on that. Explain that liking dresses as a kid doesn't make him a drag queen. Explain that a drag queen is a profession. If he's still wearing dresses as a teenager or adult, that would make him a cross dresser... but for now he's just a kid.
All my kids are very popular at school, and where we live, we have a large gay and trams community. My 10yo has adhd and odd and his dislike of it comes from him, not other people. The kids at our school are very excepting wotch is wonderful.
Can I suggest you add this extra information about your son's additional needs before your post goes to facebook, otherwise you're going to get a lot of irrelevant responses of this nature, because most people are going to assume he's picking it up at school or within the community.
Drag queen, open about his sexuality, what the hell? He’s eight!
For now, he likes playing dress ups, don’t complicate it and please don’t let him label himself.
He’s a kid, let him be one.
The ten year old needs firm consequences and boundaries.
Hes been very open about liking girls things for a long time, and last year, expressed his like for a boy, how he made him feel all funny, and that he really wanted to hold his hand. He can label himself all he likes. We dont encourage or discourage his likes or dislikes, and we love him no matter what. I used to thing your way, but then when your in that situation, things change. For now he can only dress as a girl at home, and when he's old enough to cope with people's opinions he can dress how he likes in public. The fact that at 8yo hes looked up how he feels and wants to understand his feelings amazes me and im proud of who he is and expressing himself
If you are needing to be anon for what ever reason, maybe delete your comment on the other post. That one isn’t anon and it’s not hard to figure out that it’s you posting here as well
You need to take both kids to a psychologists one for your son to talk to someone about the bully he gets and will face and help him deal with his feelings and thoughts. The 10 year old needs a psychologist to see why he treats people this way. There may be other issues deep down for why he is like this. Go to your dr and get a refer all with a care plan to get 10 visits through medicare each. Your son who dresses up will be very much accepted in society now but the bully never will be and he needs to see what his actions can cause and he needs to get rid of what ever is making him be this way.