I am a single mother to three children. My ex moved out in the middle of the night, without telling us. He left the state. He then contacted the children a few weeks later and a few weeks after that, we had an arrangement where he would have them every other weekend. That was two years ago.
2 years later, he has moved back to Canberra and wants the children every alternative week. I am pushing back because the kids don't want to live with him. I have said we need to do a slow transition before the kids feel they can live with him for more than 2 days.
I am in the process of claiming some of his super because during our entire marriage i was a stay at home mum and he worked. The children were too little and he didn't want to pay for childcare so I could work. As you can imagine paying the lawyer fee is a lot. Plus he isn't cooperating. He didn't get a lawyer andbjust refuses to respond to their emails.
He has requested mediation and he doesn't want to do it through Relationships Australia because we tried once with them and it didn't work. He is going through a private mediator which is in turn costing us a lot. Plus i want the children to have a voice so its not me speaking for them. That is costing us even more.
Long story short, I am worried about the financial ramifications of everything and I would love some advice from someone who has been through this.
I know this sounds all over the place but I find myself overburdened with all the finances. There are a few more things happening that are causing the financial stress to drain me out more. I work full time but don't seem to still make enough. I have no family support.
Please be kind as I am going through an emotional rollercoaster.
8 Replies
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. I know it sucks, and it’s not fair, but the super? Is the expense and stress worth it long term? I mean he’d need to have a lot of super to make it worth while.
People tend to make things difficult when you are trying to gain money from them. With all that this is costing and will continue to cost you are you going to be better off financially after you fan his super
This is going to get absolutely messy! Personally I'd leave the super, and focus on the mediation / visitation orders
How can you even claim someone’s super after being separated for so long. I thought there was a time limit
I think it used to be 12 months from the date the divorce is finalised.
Geez don’t listen to these people, you are totally entitled to his Super. It’s for the kids upbringing I’m sure and he made them too. If he wants to get expensive private mediation he can pay for it. If not go straight to court. There’s no way a judge would give him 50/50 when he left with no warning and didn’t make any effort for 2yrs. Stray strong and don’t cave to his power plays.
Check and see if you quality for legal aid, you never know. Mediation will go through them if you can. If you can't then look at places yourself for mediation and find one free or subsidised, just because be has found this one doesn't mean you have to agree.
What do you mean you tried it once and it didn't work? They have different mediators, I am sure if you talk to relationships Australia they may still be able to help you. If it didn't work maybe that's because of the terms you each were asking for and you couldn't agree, which can happen. If it does happen and you can't agree then he can get a certificate saying he has been and he can take you to court. You don't have to do anything if it doesn't work, you can just wait for him to make his next move.
He won't get 50/50 even the mediator won't encourage that after what he has done. Remember that just because he says that's what he wants doesn't mean that is what he is going to get.
If you have tried mediation once you should have, or be able to get, a certificate to say that didn't work which will allow you to make an application to court. The court will appoint a children's lawyer, and may require further mediation but they will determine where that happens and at who's cost.
Talk to your women's legal service in your state and ask lots of questions.
Apply for legal aid, even if you aren't sure you're eligible, it can't hurt to try.
The lawyer you are using for the super claim may or may not be the best choice for children's and family matters. You are definately entitled to claim super, it is so unfair that women are so often disadvantaged when it comes to super due to circumstances just like yours, good on you for being aware of how important this step is.
Don't be afraid of the courts, it not fun but they are there to act for the best interests of the child and can really help by adding that extra buffer between you and someone who is trying to push you around. Good luck.