I feel like a teenager asking this but in fact I’m a grown up 30 year old and still don’t know what to do! I’d love some advice on those who have dated after first initiating a solid friendship foundation.
There’s a man. We have been chatting since the start of covid. We hang out etc. The two of us initially said that we wouldn’t date because of how different we are. Sometimes it’s sexual, sometimes it just watching a movie. He’s never dated anyone before ie has never had a serious relationship. Now my dilemma, we talk daily, when we hang out, it’s 2am before we head to bed - this is all the time. I’m never tired of talking to him. During the day, we both initiate conversation which leads me to believe he does think about me too as much as I think about him.
I don’t want to say anything and scare him off. But I also know it will kill me if he gets a partner. He tells me all the time that I’m the only one he talks to daily - I’m the same. He is the only person I consistently message daily. However, we both know he’s on dating apps, and he knows I date other people. We’re super open about all of this. I recently went away with another guy, and he knew all about it.
I’m just really confused - I think I know deep down I want to date him. But from another perspective, am I just someone to him to pass the time with? Entertain daily kind of thing? I’d hate to bring it up with him and have him run a mile.
4 Replies
It’s totally reasonable to ask him. He is in a serious relationship with you even if he hasn’t labelled it that way. You owe it to yourself to ask the question and to know where you stand.
I disagree with the above....
He’s been very honest and upfront about what he wants, something casual.
Believe me, if he were interested in more, given your having sex with him and going away with other guys, he would lock it down.
If he wanted more, he would say it and get you off the market.
I think if you’ve developed feelings, you need to end it.
He’s still clearly looking for his forever after, it isn’t you and he’s not hiding that.
You’re the warm body until miss right comes along.
I’m not judging you, this is just what I think from experience, if you want someone to date you and be serious with you, you can’t be their friends with benefits.
As soon as you do that, the dynamic changes, the mystery goes away and you’re just their bed partner.
Which is perfectly fine if that’s what you want, but that isn’t what you want, is it?
Dating from friends can happen, happens a lot, dating from fwbs is a lot rarer.
Could be a commitment phobe hence eternally single.
Youre not going to get closer, so at this point you have nothing to lose by putting it out there. Let it be something or stop wasting your own time and feelings and hope if its not the same to him.
I think you need to have a serious talk to him before he gets away if you like him that much then put it out there tell him you don’t want to date anyone. Else and if he feels the same way then you both delete the dating sites and live happily ever after :) go for it!!