Im not getting into the logistics of everything as its a long story but if my ex husband asks if I can drop our children halfway to him (he lives 20 hours away) and I say i financially cannot can he use this against me as im withholding the children from him? I havent said he cannot have them i just cannot drive that far to take them.
23 Replies
Hard to answer this without knowing who's putting in more and beyond.
Its driving half way.... when we split he left town and moved to Victoria. He doesnt pay child support and has seen his children 5 times in the last 4 years. I work casual and to take time off work and drive 20 hours (10 hours there and 10 back) would cause serious financial strain on us. But he is now throwing "by law your now withholding my children"
He’s talking out his arse!
Omg i have one of these non paying fathers!! Yeah fuck him !! Tell him to step up if it means that much to him.
I have always been so accommodating when it comes to seeing his kids. Seen them 5 times in 4.5 years, just tells me when he is coming and expects me to have no plans and lucky for him we never do. But one time I say no and even tell him why he throws this shit at me 🤦♀️😔
No he needs to have a regular plan in place and be following it. If he hasnt, he needs to begin mediation. Otherwise he is rocking up at your house like any other guest and you have every right to say no. Now you really need to say no until theres a plan, because he could try to keep them. You cant withhold if he hasnt even tried for any kind of custody agreement, hes one of those ones and it shows clearly enough.
Is he paying for your fuel and accommodation since you can't possibly drive a 20 hour round trip safely? I'm all for helping if you want to but that's a crazy distance, he would be better off traveling to you and camping in your backyard. It's also not withholding the children, just make sure you have a record of you telling him why you can't do it by text or email. Kids will be really excited to see you. Sorry I can't do the 20 hour round trip as we can't afford to at this time.
I dont talk to him via phone so I always have a paper trail. I told him I wasnt financially able to drop 2-3 days from work and the he hit me with the reply of keeping his children from him 😔 i never say no to him.
You should ring a free legal helpline tomorrow.
But, from past experience who ever moved away pays the cost and is responsible for travel.
We have both moved away from the town we lived in together... however I stuck around for another 6 months after the split... he moved states a week later 🤦♀️
Hes not entilted to the children at all. No you dont have to drive them to him. His actions speak for himself so dont stress, you just say, the kids havent seen you in ages we'll need to work out a legal agreement about all of this so you can get back into their lives.
Then leave him to do it or not do it. Im pretty sure i know what he'll do. You dont even have to answer further emails and argue about it.
I didn't even reply to his text. He calls his kids once a week and speaks for maybe 5 minutes... however they don't even want to talk to him because he doesnt make conversation and doesn't give them his full attention. But he doesnt believe me and says I am doing it
How would this work with covid? Crossing borders etc?
He's the one that moved 20 hours away, so I would assume you're not obligated to meet him half way.
Get legal advice asap.
This was his suggestion for if the borders open at Christmas time.
No he can’t use it as withholding the kids. But I can’t see you living 20 hours away from each other without living in opposite states. So currently with the COVID crisis unless you have an exemption of getting in and between boarders may be a tad difficult.
If anything the person who moved away should be paying for the kids to fly there and back to whom they reside with normally. I’m happy to do a 4 hour drive to drop my kids off but I’ll be dammed if I’m footing the bill for a 29 hour trip I’m not going to be compensated for when I didn’t move away.
Yes this is all pending borders opening etc but I was more concerned about the general question if it would be classed as with holding the kids. I could write a novel if I went into detail with everything
I think the most important part of this is that he hasnt had them in his care in the past 4 years. You should add that to the post.
Nope he moved he can sort it himself! He’s asking way to much
He doesnt see it like that cause I was the one that ended our marriage. 🤦♀️... everything is my fault
No but maybe you could suggest to him that he come and stay in your town for a week and spend a week with them any time he wants as it’s too far for you. Your aren’t confident driving 10 hours and you can’t afford it. Tell him you can both get mediation again If you can’t come to an agreement but I also think you should encourage your kids to make conversation with him not just the father. tell the kids to ask questions and get involved more in conversation. He may struggle with conversations like a lot of men I know. Dont put it all on him, it’s good he rings.
Do you have a court order or parenting orders that have been made into court orders?
He's trying to scare you into doing what he wants you to do. If you are withholding his children he can't do anything about it UNLESS he takes you to mediation or court. And if you don't have orders then you aren't withholding them or going against the orders.
Just wanted to add that my ex has threatened me with this MANY times. I still offer ways for him to see her and speak to her so I am not withholding her from him and this has also been confirmed by my lawyers. Just because you aren't doing it his way doesn't mean you are withholding the kids, it just means you want it one way and he doesn't agree.
Tell him if he believes that you are withholding his children he can organise to take you to court (most court hearings are over the phone atm). If you haven't gone to mediation and don't have orders then the court will send you to mediation.
He is being ridiculous. My husband has children interstate, and it is his job to go and get them, or pay for flights for them, if the wants to see them. Email and text him to say that he is welcome to come and get them for short visits any time he likes. Legally you will be fine. Don't let him intimidate you.