Please post to FB.
I shared around 6 weeks ago that my husband was aggressive and abusive, partly due to hormone replacement post stage 4 cancer, but also alcohol abuse and depression, causing an unsafe home environment.
Well, I did it. I took the kids and I left. I took out an interim IVO and it is protecting me. Email communication is allowed, and even this wouldn't be respectful correspondence without the IVO in place. My kids are happier and I can breathe. I am back in the home and he has secured rental accommodation close by.
Hopefully this has given my husband the kick he needs to sort out his life. He had already been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist, and has changed endocrinologist to hopefully sort out the hormone side effects.
I need a good family lawyer (Melbourne based) who is reasonably priced but good. I want to put together criteria for him to meet around his issues, that would then allow the IVO to be dropped and eventually sleepovers to be allowed. I don't want to be difficult, I just want the kids to see their dad in a way/when it is safe. Advice on the family lawyer and cyber hugs please. Thanks xx
Update on unwell husband from hormone replacement & family lawyer request
Update on unwell husband from hormone replacement & family lawyer request
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
17 Replies
Stage 4 cancer is metastasis to distant locations and terminal within a few years maximum. Regardless of the original cancer type. Is his prognosis months or up to 2 years? I think depending on the circumstances I'd be answering this very differently....
This sounds medical. Stage 4 cancer ...you do know what that is? I know you've done the right thing by leaving if your safety was at risk but I think you're going too far by getting lawyers involved and telling him to sort his life out. He doesn't have much time left. Try and simplify things from now for your kids sake.
It sounds like he might be have recovered and is getting aggressive on substance abuse along side hormome replacements.
He’s dying, stage 4 cancer, do you really want him spending his last days fighting in court?
Do you want the kids to remember court dates with dad.
It’s good you are living separately for your safety, but couldn’t you spend time together as a family?
That way you’re there to supervise it and end it when he becomes a bit too much.
Get his life together?!?!
He’s dying.
Ignore these people that think abuse is ok because hes terminal. Stick with it, he has to be sober and not abusive to be around the kids. Full stop. You do not have to put yourself in the position of supervisor, now that youre trying to sort this all out. Its not your job to make sure they have time with him, its HIS.
And it's responses like yours that make this page dangerous. He's stage 4. His anger is from medication. It was her right to leave but lawyers? How is a lawyer going to help this situation? It's not. It's going to add stress and time to a situation that really doesn't need it. The man needs a doctor, family support and to spend time with his kids. I would not be going through any of this if it were my partner. I have a sibling with stage 4 cancer and I just can't imagine having to deal with all this on top of getting your head around dying.
So basically ignore the fact he’s dying?
Jesus, you have no compassion.
This is fairly common in stage 4 patients, it’s a roller coaster for mind, body and soul.
My aim at this point would be to make great memories with dad and kids, help him do that.
I don’t think your original post said he was stage 4?
So basically ignore the fact hes an abusive drunk? You cant do that and create nice memories for the kids, no matter what stage of life. Only he can do that.
Keep going OP you are on the right path.
Your kids may be young now, but they are going to see him die and when they’re older, they’ll remember how you handled this situation. This time will never be forgotten, bare that in mind.
Your telling a man that’s coming to terms with dying to sort his life out. What kind of soulless women are you
Eventually allow sleep overs. You know he is going to be dead soon right?
So is your plan to keep your children away from their dying father. Not let them have these few moments before he is gone to build memories and stories for their own children. You want him to fix his life and eventually be able to have sleep overs in his own home with his own children. HE IS DYING! He is allowed to be angry, that’s one of the stages of grief. You sound like a fucking terrible person. Who would purposely kick a dying man out of his family home and take away the little amount of time he has left with his kids! I’m sure you would be angry too if you found out you had limited time with your children before dying and leaving them forever. Cruel cruel women
You don’t want to be difficult? Lady, you are the definition of difficult!
To the lady who said we might be a bit harsh, I agree, I have deleted some comments and their responses.
I still find her actions brutal, but we don’t know the full story, as you say.
She’s left the husband, which is great, I jut wouldn’t take the lawyer approach, I would try to assist the kids in having some positive memories with him.
Probably use commonsense, communicate often with him, when he’s feeling good, pop over with the kids and bring a nice dinner, walk to the park altogether etc.
Try to become his ally, not enemy, open the lines of communication with him, for the kids sake.
It may be hard when she has kicked him out, but getting lawyers just makes it more a battle.
I’m sure at one point she loved this man, chose to have kids with him, if she has any care in the world left for him, I would support him and most of all support his relationship with the kids.
Her kids will tank her later, when they’re older, rather than tying things up in court.
Sometimes you have to be the bigger person in these situations.
Also, does he have family close by?
Someone needs to keep an eye on him, his needs may change and he will likely need Palliative care.
So you're suggesting a woman brave an aggressive husband just because he might be dying? Maybe that's a side of him the kids shouldn't have more memories. He deffiently needs to be in a better place so he doesn't end up killing them all.
Regardless of him dying or not, there is absolutely no excuse good enough in the world to excuse his behaviour. People go find this ladies original post and read it before coming here and typing up comments like above belittling her for the steps she has taken. The is an order in lace to protect her and the kids take a minute to realise for that to be relaxed she has things that need to be put in place. Dying or not is no excuse for him to treat his family the way he did. And to those posting and negatively shaming the op grow up the only disgrace is you enabling victim shaming and encouraging her to stay where there is abuse.