My ex husband and I have had mediation for our son. We have agreed on terms however when our son is in his care he refuses to adhere to what was agreed to.
His current girlfriend is an ex family lawyer so I have been forced to hire a solicitor to act on even ground (all correspondence is drafted by her of course) they continue to respond to property related issues to deliberately drive my costs up, it is getting to the point where I will need to apply for legal aid soon as I can no longer afford to fight them on property matters let alone delve further into child related matters.When I ask questions about our son I get completey ignored and accused of bombarding them with messages. On his last visit he was taken to medical appointments without my knowledge ( I keep his father in the loop with everything to the point of vid calls for doc appointments, forwarding pics of our son, letting him know what he has been up to..and the list goes on) all I ask is that I receive the same in return. I'm so fed up, it makes me want to vomit evey time I think about it and I'm concerned legal aid won't fight hard enough on behalf ( no disrespect intended my opinion is based on what I have been told by others)
I would be grateful for any advice. Thanks for letting me waffle on.
What to do when an ex partner refuses to adhere to agreed child mediation terms
What to do when an ex partner refuses to adhere to agreed child mediation terms
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Kids, Money
11 Replies
I’m sorry, it would be awesome if he would do those things but you need to let it go.
Unless they are emergency appointments like ER visit or specialist appointments then let it go. Stop sending pictures and giving updates. And stop expecting them.
Things will calm down a bunch given some time.
I can guarantee your ex and his girlfriend think you arent over the relationship. You and I know you are trying to be a good co-parent, but what you are asking is unenforceable and courts won’t make him do it, so demanding it is just creating a truck load of tension.
Sorry exactly what do you want from him?
Th video calls and contact is way over the top. If he picks him up on time and returns him and gives good care, thats good enough. What is he doing thats not ok?
I want him to adhere to what was agreed at mediation just as he expects me to. He does not, which to me isn't ok.
You need to step back and allow him time with his child without any interference from you.
I wish you well and hope property settlement happens soon for you.
Maybe if you step back a bit, they may be more amicable on the property side of things.
I’m a little confused, what is it that he isn’t doing? What did he take his son to the go for?
He isn't adheaing to the agreed terms that I am expected to (and do) uphold.
Thanks for the feedback everyone, I know it isn't enforceable, and also understand how it's considered over the top, I guess it's the double standard, he expects those things from me ( the involvement at medical appointments, kept in the loop with everything, I outright asked if he wanted to be involved to that level and he said yes ) and I have no problem doing so, these were terms he agreed to and wanted at mediation so it's extremely frustrating when it isn't upheld/reciprocated. It would be kinda funny if they were to think I'm not over it, I initiated the separation. I could definitely understand his girlfriend being a little insecure and not wanting that level of involvement from me given some of the circumstances surrounding their relationship. Myself and my fiance have no issue having him involved on every level and encourage it.
Thanks again, hopefully it will be sorted soon. On a positive note I no longer need to apply for legal aid.
I don’t think it’s the girlfriend being insecure, probably just the fact that You sound so overbearing and controlling its pissing them both off. You don’t need to contact him as much as you do. Contact for important information, the rest of quickly be said at change over time’s.
Can you see how your aggressive expectation could actually be ruining what you seem to want to be a good coparenting relationship? You welcome him to be involved in everything, you cant demand he does the same and that can cause problems.
I don't think she's insecure at all, but if your fiance was a lawyer, why wouldn't you use him instead of paying someone?
Unless your child is in danger while with his father you need to let it go. You seem to have an issue mentioning what things you expect from him which leads me to think they're unrealistic. Take a step back and let him enjoy his time with dad
First of all his partner isn't allowed To act on his behalf as she is emotionally invested in the case which is classed as bias. I would be asking your lawyer to serve her with a cease letter as it's a conflict of interest. This can the be followed up with the licensing bodies. This should be between you and the father and she should have absolutely no say in anything and should but out.
Whilst you have been to mediation please don't expect him to comply as very few do. Stop including him in everything particularly when he has no interest to do the same. Stop sending the photos etc. After mediation go to court and have them made into parenting orders.
Whilst understand you want him to stick to what he mutually agreed on, I can bet your bottom dollar he never had plans of following them.