I had a gut feeling. I asked the questions. The answers didn’t sit right, they didn’t feel right. My gut feeling got stronger. I asked the questions again. This time they were being dodged, this time I was being made feel bad for not believing. Then my head and my gut were fighting each other. I started to feel a little crazy. But that gut instinct would NOT go away. So I crossed the line. I snooped. I found my gut was right. But then I was made to feel bad for snooping and got some pathetic excuse for what I found. So my head and gut were back at it. I snooped again. Found my gut was right again. This time I didn’t say anything. I kept snooping. It got worse. The things I was discovering were destroying me. I had to speak up. Got fed bull shit and made to feel bad once again. I became obsessed with snooping because I thought if I had enough evidence that he couldn’t possibly talk his way out of he would come clean. NOPE! He lied, and he lied and lied. I came clean. Well not totally. I feel like “how” I was snooping was the only “thing” I could trust. It was the only way I was getting the truth. But I said I crossed the line and I know everything and I have done for months. I literally was sending myself crazy doing this but the obsession for the truth was so important to me. His response was outrage. He once again turned it around on me. I got called names. How I’m such a bad person. And he ended it. Just like that. So once again making me feel bad for not trusting him. Making me feeling bad for snooping. I was just sooo desperate 😭
Never mind the double life he was living. The constant lies I was being told. How can someone you have been with for a very long time do this to someone they supposedly loved? The last 18 months of my life has been hell and after finally approaching him with my “solid evidence” I feel somewhat relieved. I no longer have such a strong urge to snoop because I already know. I have my truth. But I no longer have my relationship. I no longer have trust. I need some self help strategies to keep me focused on the positives. Any tips?
I need to open the flood gates.
I need to open the flood gates.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
Lovely you should have been out of there so long ago. Not everybody is like you. Some people are actually shit at their core. Youve known it, hes treated you like shit, used and abused your love and trust, worn you away, and discarded you. Good people dont do that to people. He has done you a favour, youll see it really clearly eventually. Right now youre still heavily in that stage of holding on no matter what he does and what state your relationship and self are in. You need to be finished with him.
Count your lucky stars it was 18 months and you dodged a bullet big time. Your pain is raw and real, and if were 18 years even so much worse.
The short time together gets you out before it becomes many years of betrayal. Take this time to go
Oh it wasn’t a short time together. Over 20 years in fact. Just 18 months of hell (which felt like forever). The numbness is still there, scared of when that wears away of what’s to feel next.
A big positive is that he ended it. Finally.
The most positive outcome is yet to come.
I want you to work on being stronger within yourself so that if you ever, ever find yourself in this position again your response isn't to keep snooping, keep finding shit, keep being fed bullshit and keep arguing over it.
If you feel there's a reason to snoop, do so once. You find what you didn't want to find the very next step is to boot the scum sucking anal wart on the arsehole of humanity out. No excuses, no outrage, no blame. Boot.
It'll be hard for a while yet, be kind to yourself. As soon as the pain subsides a little though refer to above. Don't be this woman that allowed it to carry on so long. Scummy fucks don't deserve good people.
I'd say the positive is that you're free from someone taking you for a ride.
Enjoy yourself and live life to the fullest.
Yer start to value yourself and get the hell out of there that is the only positive to come from this. He puts it on you because he is a coward and flat out liar!! stop allowing it and get out it’s not about you at all, it’s everything about him being a lying cheating dog!! Leave
You did nothing wrong. People with nothing to hide, hide nothing. My husband and I have everything open to each other - phones, passwords. There is no snooping because nothing is hidden. YOU DESERVE BETTER.