Ok, so this has ended up a little longer than I planned but I desperately need to get my duck in a row so please bare with me this is just the basics to give an idea...
My partner is an extremely heavy drinker (by this I mean minimum of 10 beers a day- often more and often spirits as well). And after yrs of drug and alcohol abuse I feel like it has affected his brain, and he has made comments which makes me think he feels the same but he refuses support and help or counselling.
He has had several DUI convictions, but all spread out enough to avoid gaol time, but he still drinks and drives (ie buys beers and or spirits to drink while driving home and will get home affected by alcohol several days a wk) he has also grown up with DV but always sworn he would never go down that path in life.
However when drinking he becomes very angry, aggressive and belligerent.
Now we have small children and despite confronting him about it several times and him promising to ease up on drinking, its not happened... and I'm so freaking sick of it, im sick of being afraid, im sick of being a single parent with an additional child and I'm sick of trying to shield my kids from his shit so they don't see him as the horrible drunk I grew up with!!!
Its to the point I'm afraid daily of the state he will arrive home in, and question my ability to be able to keep the kids and myself safe.
Now the question part... for women who have left this sort of situation how do you keep your children safe once you leave??
He will want access which I wouldn't stop while he is sober, but how do I ensure their safety when they are in his care??. He has been caring for the kids in the past while I was working, and by the time I arrived home at 5.30-6 he was ready to go out. The next day he had to ask me if I was home before he left for the pub as he was so drunk he couldn't remember.
Thank you, and your advice will be greatly appreciated.
4 Replies
Given that he has a well documented drinking problem, I personally would apply for supervised visits and I don't think you'd have any issue getting them approved. Even if the supervised visits are temporary whilst he seeks treatment for his addiction.
His access to his children is always secondary to their safety, this is quite literally about keeping your kids alive as dramatic as that sounds.
With evidence he will get Supervised visits. They won't be staying in the days or over night with him alone until he delivers court ordered clean drug and alcohol tests
You dont give them to him while sober. Thats incredibly mad. Hes an alcoholic he can change that state of sobriety at any time, you dont risk your children with an alcoholic. He gets supervised visits.
I don’t allow unsupervised visits anymore for this reason. My children are 16,14 &13. So my sister in law or father in law take responsibility whilst kids are seeing their dad.
If you can’t do this, week full custody until he commits to making changes with professional help.