Looking for advice or experiences please.
A bit of a long story so bare with me, a bit of background- 3 kids ages 7, 5 and 3 years. Separated from their father about 2.5/3years ago, he moved in with his mum, dad, sister, partner and their kids. Stayed in the same town for 2 years after the separation- I was forever trying to get him to get his own place for the kids and him had their own room- he was sharing 1 room with the 3 kids on his every second weekend visits.
I was also forever trying to get him to have the kids more than his every second weekend some options were every weekend or 1 week on 1 week off. He never agreed as he had work and couldn’t have them. Also whenever they were sick at his house they were sent back to me.
Long story short in the end I packed up the kids and I and moved south to NSW interstate. He agreed, the kids would see him every school holidays for 2 weeks plus a weekend he’d come to visit. Been here almost one year other then the school holiday visits he has came to visit once.
7 year old now struggling without seeing her dad for so long- with COVID going may not be till Christmas so 5ish months. 7 year old statement was I want to live with dad now.
I asked if he would consider moving closer to us. A definite no.
Just asking for advice or hearing from others peoples experiences etc.
should I look into a child psychologist for my 7 year old??
Looking for advice please.
Thanks for reading.
11 Replies
Yes a child psych will help. It sounds like finances are an issue for dad. Its not easy to get a place with spare bedrooms when youre not getting the govt support as a parent. Could you pay to send your children back to visit him, if you know they'll be taken care of while there. Sharing a room is ok.
Could he be struggling financially? Separation is hard for most people to recover from when you split. Is he okay emotionally/mentally. Maybe he is staying with family for support. Booking your children into a psych is definitely a good idea. You will get a really good idea at where they are emotionally. But I can understand why they would be struggling not having their dad and half of their extended family in their life. As for moving. You decided to move away so if anybody should move it should be you bringing your children back closer to their family. I think it’s extremely unfair to pick up and move states then a year later expect your ex to follow you because the children miss him.
It’s not extremely unfair. You don’t know why they moved? Why should they then again pack up and move??
Different commenter....so would you be okay if your ex had sole custody, took the kids away from you, then asked you to move where he is?
It’s extremely unfair.
The kids obviously have a very close relationship with their dad, I’ve chosen not to move, although I would like to, for this very reason. It’s only until they’re adults, then you can live wherever you want.
I’m the poster.. of course I’d be okay with it. His single no other kids.. I’d move where ever I’d have to go to be closer to the kids.
He wasn’t a dad before we moved why should we stay and the kids be continually let down time and time again and he only wants to step up now because one has said they want to live with him.
Each to their own.
You said he couldn’t have the kids because he’s working, you know it’s hard when you aren’t the one getting Centrelink benefits.
He has a job, do you know how hard it would be to get another at the moment?
Assuming you don’t have one if you think it’s so easy to uproot.
You complained about him having one room, maybe he couldn’t afford his own place but the kids were obviously happy with the set up.
Sounds like everyone was happy except you, so you moved.
Now you deal with the fall out.
Yes I bloody do know how hard it is to have kids and work because I bloody work full time 40minutes away and look after the 3 kids all on my own, even when we were living together I still did it all. He got out of bed and went to work came home helped for half hour and went to bed. Don’t assume till you know the facts. I work bloody 10 times harder than him if I do say so myself.he can’t afford his own place but gets covered in tattoos does his car up and pay the bare minimal for 3 kids. His thing is he doesn’t know how to live on his own.
You obviously underestimated his importance in their life, as shit as he is.
Kids have unconditional love for their parents.
I actually got the clue that hes a bit shit. The thing is though, that to be a worthwhile parent the bar is reallyfucking low. Its being good for about 30% of the time. And kids dont notice the stuff like shared rooms and after school care etc, just being not bad for 30% of the time they're around makes them worthwhile to the child.
So it sounds like, shit as he is, you may not be able to cut him off completely and the child might get something out of contact. It would have to be structured, for sure. But if its him from his mums house, then so be it.
It sounds like he was doing the right thing, having them his weekends but he would do as you said so you got your knickers in a knot and decided to move away.
Now you expect him to pay to come visit all the time, which is impossible due to covid.
By your other posts, he also pays child support.
I don’t think it is fair for you to expect him to uproot himself from his support system and move away because you say he should.
Move back so the kids can see their Father and extended family, if you are so concerned about their mental health.
Mothers like this never do what’s in the best interest of the children. Only what’s in their best interest.