My 5yr old son father died 2 years ago from a drug overdose. My son has just started asking questions about him and I'm not sure what to say or how to answer.
Backstory, when his father and I got together he had a recreational drug habit that over time spiraled into a full on drug addiction. Overtime he also because an absent father and partner. And became emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. We broke up when my son was about 16months old as he was more interested in drugs and I realised that the was not going to change. He spent the next few years in and out of jail, and mostly uninterested in his son dispute my best efforts.
About 2 years ago, he overdosed and died. Up until this point my son has never asked much about him as I have amazing family and a good partner. In the last year the questions are becoming more frequent, I don't know what to say, his father wasn't a good person, a good partner or father. I don't want to just bad mouth him, but I also don't want him to have any illusions about his dad either
5 Replies
I would be gentle. Wait til he is older for the truth
Just tell him that daddy was sick in his head :) don’t discuss drugs or anything until much much older but as he gets older you can explain mental health and how his dad wasn’t himself when he died etc. and made some bad choices and was sick in the head.
I think this (or a version of it) is the best approach. Your father died because he was sick - not sick like a cold, but his brain was sick, he was very sad and made some bad choices and unfortunately doctors couldn't help him get better. Just keep answers short and age appropriate.
Absolutely the truth when he is older and has the comprehension to understand. I would just say now at the age of 5 that daddy has passed away. If you believe in heaven then tell him he went there. Explain it the same way you would if a loved one close to you passed and you needed to explain it to him.
I really don’t think at 5 he needs the details. If you said ‘daddy was sick’. 5 years old question, like ‘sick with what’? Then how do you answer that? If it was a loved one we’d sit and say ‘well daddy was sick with something called **illness** and then we give a light meaning on what that illness is.
There really isn’t a way to explain drug addiction nor overdose to a 5 year old. Nor explain it as a meaning behind ‘sick’. He’s not likely to question did daddy love you or was he a good man at this age so If he’s asking where is my dad, honestly I’d just say daddy passed away/went to heaven.
It’s far easier to explain ‘death’ than it is the reasons for it.
I would (atm) just tell him he was sick and he is in heaven.
But be able to use this as a teaching moment when the time is right. Tell him how he made a bad decision and how to keep yourself healthy etc.
Good luck 😊