Hello Sisterhood,
My ex husband (separated for 2 years) has pulled me up on our five year (turning six) doing the dishes and other house work. He thoroughly enjoys doing it to the point where I have to sometimes put my foot down. We have a dishwasher which goes on most nights however Mr. 5 still likes to wash something.
His dad on the other hand has stated that it is not age appropriate and I am using my child which is not true at all. We are not on good terms and I am always made for feel like a crappy mum for any reason that can be picked on.
What he helps with doing
Wash dishes
Unload dishwasher
Make bed
Tidy up different areas of the house
Vacuum
Pack his lunch
I don’t know If I’m asking a question as such but more venting. I’ve never made him do anything listed above apart from picking up toys, he just tends to do things.
10 Replies
God forbid your son turn into an independent, self sufficient and capable adult 😉
You're instilling good habits in your son and teaching him a lot of practical life skills, not using him as a mini slave!
Don't even think on your ex's nonsense for a second. He's being absurd!
Wow he is doing a lot for his age! I have witnessed myself a child being unfairly burdened with household responsibilities ( when I was 18 my boyfriends 14 year old cousin lived with them and was cleaning up after 5 kids and was basically treated like a slave) so I do have a few views on kids and housework. It's unhealthy if-
a child is expected to clean up after other people
they have more jobs than other siblings
They are expected to give up normal kid things for chores
Chores take up more than half an hour a day or a bit longer for teenagers
They are expected to stay home from school to clean
While your jobs are age appropriate for him to be doing on their own, together every day might be a bit much and putting him over the half hour a day, and you say "beds" so who else's bed is he making? At this age it really should be just cleaning up after himself and adding in household jobs as he gets older.
My 5 yr old also loves to help clean so I can understand that.
But her daily chores are
- make her bed
-pack her lunch
She regularly asks to help with other things like dishes or sort washing and I let her help but it’s not a daily thing and definitely not an expected thing.
If your son is expected to do those chores listed than I think it may be abit excessive.
are you expecting him to just tidy his stuff around the house or tidy others?
I once mentioned on a parenting group that I'd recently taught my 11 year old son how to use the washing machine so he could start doing his own washing (which was literally about 1 load a week).
Man, I got like 30 angry reacts and a whole punch of pearl clutchers telling me what an asshole parent I was.
The funny thing was that I'd seen some of those very same women complaining about how lazy their teenagers were
🙄🐸☕
In all seriousness, why discourage a child who wants to contribute around the house?
The tasks you mentioned are all manageable for a 5 year old and I'm sure you supervise and assist him. You mention that you don't expect these chores from him, he just enjoys doing them - there is absolutely no harm in that!
The only time I'd become concerned is if his tendency to clean and tidy becomes compulsive, obsessive or causes him any emotional duress.
When you say pack his own lunch, do you mean he actually makes it?
Want to swap kids lol?
That’s pretty amazing.....
Hahaha 😆
He chooses which snacks he wants out of the snack tub, packs two different fruits all into his lunch bag and puts it into the fridge so I just pop a sandwich in the next morning.
Is he a people pleaser, does he just like being 'busy' with you? Sounds fine as long as its not forced and not expected just because he can. Maybe he does need a roster. You could work with ex to create a roster same for both houses. But if hes just picking then just ignore. Wonder why he doesnt do it at dads?
My boys have been doing chores since they were 3. It started fairly basic with set or clear the dinner table, feed the dogs, check the mail, unpack bag/lunchbox after daycare. As they’ve grown the list of chores has changed based on their abilities. Now they are 15 and 13 they each cook dinner once a week, clear the sink, wash up (no dishwasher here), can put the washing on, hang it out, bring it in and fold it, vacuum and mop, put the bins out on the street. My eldest will also sometimes do the mowing. They are both able to make their lunch, but would rather starve than make lunch for school. I am setting my boys up to be able to live independently when they are adults, and not need someone else to do everything for them. I have 50/50 shared care of my boys, and from what they’ve said over the years they aren’t expected to much at all. I don’t expect them to do everything every day. Usually they will only have to do one job, if that. I work two days a week when they are with me, and it’s on those days they might have two jobs, depending on what needs doing, and the expectation is they have them done before I get home.
On another note, my son loved cleaning and chores at that age, unfortunately he grew out of it.
God your husband would be calling child services if he knew what my kids were expected to do. Miss 4 makes her bed, sets the table, takes meals to the table, washes dishes when she wants to, puts dirty clothes in the washing basket, in packs her bag from daycare and helps out her clothes away. Mr 6.5 makes his bed, packs and in packs his bag, puts dirty clothes in the wash basket, vacuums, puts his clothes away and wipes over benches in the bathroom. Miss 9 does the same as Mr 6.5, but instead of wiping bench tops, she does 2 loads of washing (usually socks and underwear and towels or sheets). She can also cook scrambled eggs and often gets her little sisters breakfast and helps her brother get his. Hubby and I are trying to raise independent, functioning members of society who know how to look after themselves and know that because you live in a family, everyone helps out.