How do i deal with a 10 year old step son. I geel that everything i do he throws it back in my face that his mum does it this way or that way or better. I always encourage them to talk about them mum as they should feel comfortable doing that. I try to mostly be their friend but sometimes i have had to tell them off. I have a good relationship with the other 2 kids. I just feel so defeated and dont know what to do.
11 Replies
Be kind and patient. Don’t take things personally.
Kids are generally frankly honest - so maybe she does do a few things better. It’s not for you to compete. Just be content and comfortable enough to say oh does she I like this way..
Not better just different. And I agree don’t take it personally
Some kids don't cope well with change!
My son won't eat grandma's vegemite toast because it doesn't taste the same as my vegemite toast.
Try not to take it personally, he's 10.
It's not about you as a person, it's probably due to an internal struggle on his part.
Next time has says "my mum does it this way/better" reply with something like:
"Ok, would you like me to try it that way next time?"
"Can you show me how you prefer it?"
"How about you try it? Maybe you'll like it this way too".
If it's just a passing comment, I'd ignore it.
If they're doing something dangerous under your supervision or deliberately disobeying you directly then don't hesitate to pull them up but where possible leave the discipline to dad.
Thanks. Yeah i definitely leave most of the discipline to their dad. But the son can be quite rude and disrespectful at times. So I have pulled him up on it. I do feel for him as i know he struggles internally as their mum doesnt speak too kindly of me and they arent to mention my name. So its so tough for the kids. All i do is speak kindly of their mum and be supportive. She wont even drop the kids over to see their dad for fathers day. :(
It sounds all very fresh and raw? Were you involved in him leaving? If so then all the right moves now wont make up for that and yeah it will probably anger them more.
Also it seems new but you say step son and you discipline, and it cant be both new and you in that role.
No i wasnt involved in the parents getting divorced. They were apart 6 years before i came in the picture. I wouldn't say its completely new and fresh. Its been nearly 3 years. And its only recently tgat this has been happening. And i do believe when the kids are in our house i do have the right to discipline at times if there is a level of disrespect or misbehaving
That doesnt sound fresh. But then it also doesnt explain the mum issue, because its been long enough that she wouldnt be able to begin to sway their view of you. And why just one? I think you need to get to the root of the issue, to know how to tackle it.
Really grates on me when a couple are married where one is the step parent, or the dating partner but not a step parent ( such as you in this case) has issues with that persons children then brings up the bio parent in their argument. It immediately sounds like a step parent versus bio parent battle when its not that at all.
Your issue is your partners disrespectful 10 yo. Not about his mother so really no need to bring it up at all. Regardless what the child says about his own parent to you it's the rude manner in how he communicates with you. So just address that issue and leave the bio mum part out if it.
Disrespect is disrespect. And his dad needs to pull him up on his sons treatment of you if what you are saying to the child isn't working. Its OK to stand up for yourself and pull up bratty, naughty behaviour by all means. You don't deserve being rudely treated, but leave any discipline to dad.
I do see what you are saying but unfortunately some of the issues do stem from the bio mums attitude about me in front of her children. But yes you are right in the sense that the key issue is the behaviour of the 10 year old. And when i say i discipline them, i dont actually dish out punishment. Its more i will voice that it is unacceptable.
And i have complete compassion for the 3 kids getting a step mum in their lives as it would be hard. But it is also a hard position for any step parent knowing how to deal with everything.
Stop blaming bio mum for your issues with the son.
It’s easy to do, you take no accountability.
It’s been three years, you’ve had long enough to show who you are, obviously he just doesn’t like you.
So he needs to learn to be respectful and behave but you can’t force him to like you.
You need to accept that.
Haha you actually have no idea. I think maybe you're a bio mum yourself which is whyy you're so defensive about it.