What age is appropriate to leave kids home alone? I know it is a sensitive topic and everyone has differing ideas but i'd like to hear them, i found myself in a position recently where i had to choose between my job or my kids due to a last minute shift change and not being able to access a sitter in time, i chose my kids but now everyone thinks it was a bad call. i have a 11yr old girl and 7.5 year old boy and just didnt think it was okay to leave them home alone for 4 hours. But now i am scared i might loose my job, i am not able to bring my kids to work due to it being unsafe (warehouse) but yet i can't get sitters with almost no notice and i feel so guilty either way i picked and having people tell me they would just have left the kids at home ( if a safe manner, phone access, locked doors) makes me question what is appropriate.
14 Replies
It is different for everyone, I was leaving my kids at that age for short periods. But I still think you did the right thing, you can't just leave kids home for the first time for 4 hours, especially while you're working. I think your problem is you have an unreasonable employer, this is not about leaving kids home alone. If your employer knows you are a parent they shouldn't be changing shifts on you at the last minute and then get upset because you can't do it.
They are way too young to leave alone! Early teens would be ok
If you feel they cant do it, then dont! 4 hours is different to 8 or 12. Daytime is different to dark.
I’ve left my kids at home alone from about 12. It really depends on the maturity of the children. I definitely wouldn’t be leaving an 11 year old in charge of a younger sibling, particularly if they had never been left alone before. I started leaving my eldest for about 15 to 30 minutes at a time, taking my youngest with me, and slowly started leaving him longer as his confidence grew. He’s now 15 and I have no hesitation leaving all day while I work during school holidays. My now 13 year old I’m not as confident leaving, and don’t want his big brother to have be in charge in case something happens (he has mental health issues). I have shared care of my boys and have been able to adjust my work availability so that I only work 1 or 2 days in the weeks my boys are with and more days when they are with their father. My eldest has after school activities that he’s able to get himself to, then I pick him up afterwards, enabling him to have some of the independence he craves. And I’m able to let my youngest explore his independence in a way he is comfortable with, while still knowing I’m there if needed. In school holidays, my youngest will go to my parents on the days that I work.
Aren't employers obliged to give a certain amount of notice about rostered shift changes? I'd see where you stand legally in that respect and I'd say you should also familiarize yourself with the unfair dismissal laws in your state as a precaution.
To answer your question though, 7.5 is way too young to stay home alone. I feel like 11 is old enough to start implementing a bit of independence (leaving her home for half an hour while you go to the shops for example) but still too young to be left in charge of a younger sibling.
Jumping straight to 4 hours home alone, with a little brother, having never stayed home alone before? Not a chance!
That seems borderline negligent to me actually...
Anyone who insinuating you made the wrong call must be seriously out of touch. You did the responsible thing!
Both are too young in my opinion. Also consider the legal requirements too. I knew a lady , my neighbour, who was charged with child abandonment for leaving her 7yo alone while she worked when he accidentally put the heater on and left material next to it and the living room burnt down. Thankfully he was ok. . I wouldn't if i were you no matter how mature they may be. In a genuine emergency they may not be equipt enough to know what to do. They need supervising.
It’s illegal to leave a child under the age of 16 home alone in charge of somebody under the age of 16
Thankyou so much for the replies, i feel better knowing i trusted my own feelings. It gets overwhelming when people insinuate that you are too over protective but at the end of the day if something happened to them i never would have forgiven myself. Being a single mum my kids have had to stay home while i went and got bread and milk during lockdown, but only for 10 minutes and i hated doing that but had no choice, but 4 hours is so different and i may have let my elder one do it because she is responsible but my son is a little boy and i cannot do that to him. Also with work, a team member had an unexpected loss of a family member which is why there was little notice and i understand and dont have any issues with that i was just pressured because i did say i was flexible with hours when i took the job
Kids can go to the shop during lockdown. I’m a single parent in Melb so have always taken them.
You did the right thing ❤️
Look I was left with my brother (10) when I was 7yo, on the regular for roughly 4 hours at a time. We were fine. Surprisingly fine considering we had a pool and could’ve just walked out the front door at any given time.
However now that I’m a Mum I wouldn’t at all be comfortable leaving my kids at that age. It’s too much pressure on the older kid and anything could happen.
You absolutely did the right thing in my opinion.
In QLD a child can’t stay home or walk to school alone until 12yrs old. They can’t supervise a younger child until they are 14. I would choose the same as you and your workplace could get in big trouble for firing you because they are expecting you to work with no notice when you gave young kids. 7 is way too young to be left at home without an adult and 11 is too young to look after a sibling
4 hours is a long time for an 11 year to look after a younger sibling on their own. I think you made the right call. I could confidently leave my daughter at age 11 on her own for a few hours but I wouldn't have left her in charge of a younger sibling for that long. Its a lot of responsibility. Also I started small - leaving her alone for a quick trip to the shops building up to a couple hours while a grabbed a drink with a friend close by.
I’m going to come at it from a different angle. I was left alone for an hour a few afternoons after primary school before my older siblings got home. It’s still something I remember as very lonely and isolating being hours before my parents come home from work. I felt like I needed parental guidance around. I wouldn’t do it with my kids but I don’t know how many days your kids are left and your circumstances either. I wouldn’t do it long term. If I think about my friend who has her 14 yr old with her 6yr old kid for a while I think that’s ok but I don’t think it’s appropriate to have an 11 yr old responsible for a 7 year old. However you do have to put a roof over their heads etc. It’s such a hard thing to consider but perhaps speak to your boss to see if you can have some flexibility. Guilt is a feeling you will have regardless of what you choose to do. It doesn’t make you a bad mum!