My 13 year old son wants to go hang out with 6 of his mates . . . The thing is, all the do is roam the streets. I’m not ok with that. If they had a destination i.e. go to the movies, go get a milkshake or go to someone’s house, sure I’d happily say yes. But they don’t they just roam around in a group. My son isn’t responsible in so many ways, he has adhd, he also doesn’t have a mobile phone.
13 Replies
Say no then, its not too strict. Some of my best memories are from just hanging out, I guess just like little kids, teens have fun outside with some freedom. If they get into trouble, have shown irresponsible behaviour, cant follow boundaries set or curfews then its a no.
Nope, my kid also isn’t going to let out to roam with no where to go. This is how they become little criminals and get in trouble. Because their mums don’t give a shit. You give a shit, don’t ever stop giving a shit. My son had ADD and ASD he asks to go to a mates place and he always has a destination. His mum and I know what kids get up to. We’re not likely to go “hell yeah go and roam the streets like the feral kids” were like “you can hang out here or not at all. What you need to roam the streets for?”
Nope, roaming the streets is a recipe for boredom and getting themselves into trouble.
When I was 13, my mates and I spent the majority of our days wandering our suburb. Probably the worst things we did were prank call people from the local phone box and be a little noisy. We certainly didn't turn into criminals lol, we were just enjoying and exploring our newfound freedom!
So personally, I feel like there does come a time where you need to give kids the opportunity to gain some independence, life skills and street smarts but they need to be mature and responsible enough first.
If you don't feel like your son is ready for this then don't feel guilty or like you're being too strict. Parenting isn't a popularity contest, it's about making choices that are in your kid's best interests and only you as his parent knows what that entails.
As long as it’s daylight hours I think it’s fine, my friends and I used to just meander around the streets at that age, sometimes we’d wonder the shopping centres, sometimes just sit at a park or skate park, talking and walking around. We never turned into criminals or did anything illegal, lol.
Get him a phone and let him go for a few hours and let him prove himself to be trustworthy and responsible and if his not yet responsible enough set him small tasks at home to do or get him to run into the shop to buy stuff for u by himself to let him learn how
To be responsible and earn that trust before you let him out. As a parent we need to guide our kids to become responsible adults and the only way to learn is practice. We can’t shelter them forever! Good luck!
Nope, stick to your guns Mum! I only let my teenagers go somewhere if they can tell me exactly what they are doing and reasons why. Roaming streets just ends in trouble, even if they aren't up to no good other people will think they are and that in itself can cause trouble.
Not too strict! My eldest is now 15 and started wanting to hang out with friends from when he was not quite 13 and going into grade 7. For his group of friends, they wanted to walk around the shopping centre or go to someone’s house. He was only allowed to go if there was going to be a parent within the shopping centre or at the house. The parent didn’t have to follow them around, but I wanted to know there was an adult nearby if anything happened. I would speak to the parent when I dropped him off and again at pickup. He had a basic talk and text phone if he needed to contact me for anything. He still has much the same friendship group. Some of them will go catch the bus to our local library after school on a Thursday as it stays open late. They might go across to the shopping centre to get a drink and or something to eat but otherwise they spend hours talking and studying. My son is a gentleman and won’t let me bring him home until all of the girls have been picked up. My youngest is 13 and doesn’t have the same level of maturity that his brother had at the same age, so I am a lot stricter on what he can and can’t do. I had started to allow him a bit more independence last year but then some mental health issues cropped up so I tightened the reins again. I’m starting to loosen them again, but am finding he struggles a little at times if I step back to far too fast. It’s about finding the balance where we are both comfortable. You need to find the balance for your son, where he can start to find his independence that you are comfortable with. Also, get him a basic talk and text phone. You can get cheap prepaid phone plans for it.
Nah, I don't think you're being too strict. You know your son best - and given the lack of phone and the issues with him not being responsible I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with it.
That said, it seems like young boys just do this - I've noticed in my local area they catch up and hang out in groups, usually congregating around shopping centres and stuff with their skateboards. That in itself isn't terrible but they do then start to mess about, trying to do tricks in places like the carparks or at the entrances, it means they're putting themselves in danger or risking injuring someone.
There seems to be a distinct lack of places for teens to hang out and just chill. So the lack of a concrete plan isn't unusual, or necessarily a sign of trouble, but they don't always use their common sense when choosing places.
maybe lighen up a little and say OK u can go out for 2 hrs. Buy him a cheep phone so he can be contacted, get a kids safe app on it so u can track him and his texts and calls, and let him show u he can be trusted. I have n adhd son who is 10 and I freak out all th time if he will do the right thing. I now let him ride his bike out the front with out me or fly his drone. Set rules, if he doesn't reply to texts with in 5 minutes then he won't go out again for a while, if he goes where he's been told not too then again lose the right.... stepping stones !
Why don’t you open up your house as the destination for them.
Growing up my Mum always had an open door policy, anyone was welcome anytime.
As a parent I realise she did this so that we used to feel comfortable at home.
She would let us go for a walk knowing we would return home when we were hungry!!
In saying that I grew up in a small town so it was hard to get into mischief without someone knowing.
Maybe start slowly, you can go for a couple of hours. Your friends are welcome here if you get bored and want somewhere to go.
Honestly please don’t. I allowed my son to hang with mates and all they ended up doing was smoking weed. Now my son at just 15 smokes almost all day every day and the attitude and change in him is horrendous. Keep him as close to you for as long as possible as it’s so easy to lose them to the poor choices they often feel pressured into from other kids. My son was the last person we thought would do this. And you’d also be surprised how many parents of our generation allow the kids to do this. Makes me sick. Go with your heart mumma 😔
I can't comment,
I came from a time mum let me out and aslong as I was home by the time the street lights came on it wasn't a problem..
Im in no way a criminal, today all we did was walk tall, we'd end up at this area or that, sometimes we'd end up at someone's house but it was fun to just be able to roam n talk etc..
My parents didn't "not care" they just had rules and enough trust in me to do the right thing and raised me with enough respect to know right from wrong
Dunno what i'll be like yet when my kids are old enough to be put without me
13 is probably the age to have a mobile to contact home in an emergency tho..