How to move on?

Hi

Been in a 13 year relationshop (1 child together) and he has decided it's best we break up. He says the environment is negative, he barely loves himself so how can he love me, and that he's lost interest because I don't do much with myself (ouch - yet neither does he!).

The last few years have been rocky and this idea of leaving has been going on for the last 2 months. Living in limbo was like hell so i put my foot down and asked him to make a decision, explored some of my insecurities which caused an explosive argument, harsh things were said by both which confirmed his idea of leaving for good. He's moved out.

I am shattered. I dont see all the negative he talks about, to me it seems he's so focused on that that he can't see the positive day to day things. I love this guy with all my heart, he is my world and i cant imagine life without him. He wants to remain friends for the kids and support each other. He is dealing with this way better than I am.. when I'm around him I just want to snuggle him and love him. His decision seems to be set though and is happy without affection.

This is fresh. It happened 4-5days ago. I can't sleep, i cant eat, I can barely function because I'm in such fog, I have these waves of emotion running through me all day long - constant anxiety, constant feeling of twisting guts, dry mouth, hot head/ears, excessive sweating at night. The physical symptoms are horrendous and I can no longer handle there feelings. My friend said I'm grieving, I think i seriously have a broken heart.

All of this heightens when he is not around. The world seems doom and gloom. Normally I'm resilient so this inability to not bounce back is scaring me. I feel like I'm in quick sand. Seeing him get about his day and easily looking happy is making it harder. When he comes round he is so lovely, brings lunch, firewood, shows me that he cares and my feelings reside to a more tolerable level. I feel more calm (but still wrecked). Yet when he is around I experience this extra feeling of longing and noticing all the little things I love about him and will miss because they're no longer mine/attached to my life. I want him here with us but at the same time it's also hard. I dont know what's harder though as the feelings that come with either situation are unbearable. I thought if he's gone it will give him.opportunity to miss me, but I find it hard to stick to my guns. He wants to be friends and still come over a few times a week. This makes me feel like he cares a lot but also like he's getting best of both worlds.

We have our new puppy arriving next week. Bitter sweet because it's not something we'll share together now. Although he'll still be around to see the kids, it's still not the same.

Finances are scaring me, I don't know how I'll afford things on my own.

I'm in a huge rutt. Im losing myself. Overthinking everything. Lack of functioning. I dont think he gets the level of pain I'm experiencing. I dont want him to see me like this because I know it would seem even more unattractive. I dont know what I can do to stop feeling like this. I'm reading articles, journaling to clear my thoughts, trying to keep some routine.
He asked me to no longer talk about all the things that have happened because it's pushing him away more so I'm left processing things on my own. It's not helping.

But I can't stand the mental and physical effects this is having.

Please tell me it will get better. Or please tell what I can do to help myself.

Some days i wish i could just take some sleeping tablets and sleep it all off day/night so I can forget about it all. It's just too intense.

X