My son plays soccer and has always been very passionate about the game. He has quite a talent and been selected to play at rep level. He wants to be a professional soccer player when he grows up.
Three years ago he had a great coach. He was very supportive, encouraged my son and always made him feel like a valued member of the team. Last year, he had the same coach and he changed. It was all about winning and letting his son be the best. He depended on my son to win games though and put so much pressure on him that he began to lose his passion for the game. That coach decided he was going to leave the club at the end of last year.
My son got excited at the prospect of having a new coach this year, but the new coach has been horrible. He singles out my son training and seems to pick on him. He's trying to change his style of game, which the old coach had worked hard with my son to develop and when he makes a mistake, he is quite hard on him. He is quite encouraging to the rest of the team though.
It is starting to effect my son in a negative way. He's not playing to his potential lately and it is effecting his confidence and mental wellbeing.
At today's game, he allowed other players to choose what number they wanted but handed my son a different number to the one my son usually plays. He also gave him a jersey that was a small size when my son is quite stocky and would have been skin tight on him. (He has a few confidence issues with his tummy, even though he's not fat.) I spoke up to the coach and he eventually threw the jersey my son normally wears at him and didn't say a word. Just threw it at him.
We realise he isn't always going to have a great coach and it's good for his resilience, but I'm tired of my son feeling depressed about something he was always so excited about.
I don't want to complain to the club because I don't want to be the complaining mum and the chances are they will take the coaches side because 1. He is a volunteer which the club has trouble getting and 2. They seem to look after their own and unless you're in the 'circle' you are just a number.
I haven't spoken to the coach about it as he seems to have a bad attitude in general. When I speak to him about anything he either doesn't reply or is quite rude in his replies. It's not really what he says but how he says it. he would be likely to just sideline him.
We have suggested changing clubs, but he loves playing with his teammates and he's worried they will treat him poorly if he becomes the opposition.
He wants to continue playing the game he loves, so quitting isn't an option. What should we do?
8 Replies
I think you need to complain to the club. It's not acceptable. Write down the incidents you have had so far and send it to them in an email. I really hate coaches like this, my son had one too and it put him off team sport forever. If it were another child treating your son poorly you would be doing something about it, don't let this guy or the club intimidate you. It's kids sports it should be fun.
Team mates can go with him. Make sure they know, get them to speak up as well. If they dont, then good riddance and he'll find better team mates too. Teach the lesson that theres llts of people we will come across in life and you can give feedback, try to make it work, but theres a limit to how much shit you take, not being scared of change.
-Confront him and sort it out
-make a formal complaint
-change teams
- deal with it.
They really are your only options
When you get to rep levels/bigger leagues, you just suck it up if you really want to play professional level. Channel it and get him to use it as a motivation.
Otherwise, switch clubs.
Been there done that sadly
If he wants to be a professional soccer player, he will need to learn different plays, how to cope with different team mates and coaches, pressure etc. I'm not sure if I'm reading a tough personality, a more serious coach than you're used to or you being hyper sensitive. My son's coach threw a shirt at every player before the game yesterday and he's young. You also might be dealing with a loser and just not really getting that across? Ask your son what he wants. 1. Find a new club. 2. Deal with it. 3. Stop playing. 4. Lodge a complaint. Let him choose and then accept his decision?
As a committee member of our junior club, I suggest you speak to the director of coaching or the president.
You are your child's advocate, it is effecting him and it stops woth you to help change it, be that mum, who cares what people think, this is your child. I also think if you do it in a calm, matter of fact manner it will be seen for what it is and not being that painful whinger you are worried about being seen as.
Definitely try for a meeting with coach, club manager, your son, and you...maybe another friend of yours as witness.
This is not to be tolerated. It’s bullying it’s passive aggressive behaviour from an adult towards a child!
As parents we show our kids resilience by standing up for them, how to not be treated, and how to call out bad adult behaviour. Not in silly situations but in ones like this where it’s obvious and ruining a child’s confidence.
My situation is similar but it’s another parent who is approaching my son, saying things, making comments, even pushed him aside when his son fell over...yes ran out onto the turf!
He denies everything, calls my son a liar and the club can’t do anything. What rubbish! This behaviour is not to be tolerated and needs to be called out. I say just do what you can, then maybe get an apology, then leave. Your son will have to be involved in that final decision but make it and move forward with him. Good luck!