Hello wondering if I can get some feedback. I'm a mum of 3 married 12 years and have chronic health issues. Having another baby could kill me, I barley made it through my last pregnancy and spent most of it in hospital. Due to other health issues most contraceptive is out I can't use them. I have tried the only option and my body didn't handle it well at all. So under my Dr advice we stopped all conception's. I have tried time and time again to get my tubes tied but no one will do it due to me being 30 even though I have documentation stating my life is at risk should I fall pregnant again.
So my only option would be for hubs to get the snip however he flat out refuses, I understand it needs to be his choice but it feels like his being selfish his taking no responsibility here at all to prevent me falling pregnant again, and he won't wear condoms so we basically don't have sex because I will not risk it. I have done everything I possibly can I'm out of option. Our family GP has also explained to him that the snip is the only option but he still won't budge.
Am I right to feel resentment and annoyed? The way I look at it is people end relationships if one wants kids and the other doesnt , to me this situation is no different I can't have anymore and clearly he wants more (why else flat out refuse a simple procedure). He claims he doesn't, yet isn't doing anything to prevent more kids.
My life is at risk he knows the dangers if it happens but I guess in his mind I could just get it taken care of 😠I don't even want to be put in that situation.
So lady's what would you do? I'm seriously considering ending my marriage over this because I can not risk my life and it just seems so incredibly selfish on his part! I can't move past this I've tried I just can't accept that his so willing to risk my health and well being, and gets cranky at the lack of sex.
I feel like I can't win here he just expects it all his way. So lady's am I over reaccting, am I silly for ending my marriage over this? I just can't get past his complete disregard for my health and how this affects me should it happen!
And to be clear I'm not giving him a ultermatuim as I said it needs to be his choice and he needs to be ok with it, otherwise there would be resentment from him. I'm not forcing him to get it I'm simply trying to decide if it's a deal breaker for ME or if I'm over reaccting. Thanks in advance
Is hubby selfish or am I over reaccting?
Is hubby selfish or am I over reaccting?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
11 Replies
Hubby is being selfish. The fact he won’t wear condoms or have the snip tells you that he doesn’t value your life over his comfort.
I’d be out of there.
Your husband doesn't need to get a vasectomy - you may see it as a simple procedure but there are side effects as there is with anything e.g. impotence which may be something he isn't willing to risk. The issue is he doesn't want to use contraception- that isn't cool and is very selfish of him if it is so dangerous for you to get pregnant and I'd be concentrating on that. If you feel so strongly aboutit and he isn't willing yo compromise by at least using a condom then yes you should absolutely leave.
On a different note I find it very strange that you are being denied having your tubes tied when you've been advised by a doctor to not use contraception as it makes you sick yet getting pregnant could be life threatening? I'd be asking for a referral to a different person with a full explanation from the doctor who has taken you off all contraception if it's something you'd like to do.
Not the OP but I almost died during childbirth with my 4th, my Dr told me absolutely no more kids but nobody would do tie my tubes because of my age! It is strange how it works, if OP asks locally which doctors do younger women she may get lucky but most of them have a cut off age and they won't budge no matter what.
Whilst post vasectomy erectile dysfunction can occur, it's not due to the procedure. It's physically impossible and is linked to the person's feelings of inadequacy after the procedure, not anything physical. It's important to consider risks, but make sure what is being considered is accurate.
Sorry but I'd absolve leave. A vasectomy is the lowest risk option available and considerably lower risk (and more likely to be effective) than getting tubes tied. If he isn't happy to get one than it's condoms or no sex. And if he chooses no sex, unless you both are happy with that, he's choosing to end the relationship realistically. He sounds like a selfish pig.
You guys are a team and if he cant step up and step in when it comes to something massive like your livelihood, I would be ready to leave to.
Well hes not selfish, he has choices, but yes a solid relationship is built on understanding, compromise and making things work for you both. He is not doing that. Theres no good reason not to wear condoms.
And your sex life is a huge and important part of your relationship (for most people) so if youre unhappy, and he offers nothing towards that, then of course you will be considering leaving and finding a relationship that ticks your boxes. Thats reasonable, dont guilt yourself that it isnt.
I don't think it's a deal breaker, if you didn't have issues would you be okay with someone telling you what to do with your body? I think you need to be referred to a specialist ob/Gyn who can read your case file, my friend had her tubes done at 32, no kids, she flat out doesn't want kids. So it can be done. If being pregnant is risking your life No good specialist would ignore all the facts just because of age.
Leave if you don't love him but this alone wouldn't be a reason I would walk. you may make him want to leave if you keep pushing for the snip..... make sure you are also prepared for that.
Totally selfish, I would be so let down by this attitude and lack of care and responsibility for your well-being. It says volumes about his priorities- himself first. Doesn’t bode well for a long and happy marriage.
Totally selfish, I would be so let down by this attitude and lack of care and responsibility for your well-being. It says volumes about his priorities- himself first. Doesn’t bode well for a long and happy marriage.
Very selfish. You have tried and cant get it done so better to end marriage if he won't accept no sex. Don't listen to anyone who tells you think of him, your risk is extreme and he should respect and value your life over his confort.