My partner and I have been together 3.5 years. The first few years were fun, exciting, he was happy I was happy. We have both suffered a lot of trauma mostly related to loss of family and friends.
I seem to handle this better than my partner. Over the last year he is moody, and seemed to go developed a drinking problem. We have spoken and it was okay for a while whilst he was in therapy. It’s never abusive, it’s more so he’s down mood wise, slow, slurs...
It’s like he’s just completely mentally not there. He’ll come to bed and I’ll end up crushed because he’s bigger and so out of it he doesn’t realise when he rolls on me.
It’s not always this bad. Only sometimes.
We are at the point in our relationship where we are lucky if we are intimate once a month. There is no affection what so ever. If I even try and walk past and stokes his arm he acts up and doesn’t like it.
Some of this is partly my fault. I’ve gained around 10-15 kilos since we started dating. I’ve tried to implement healthy life style changes and get met with complaints. I’m working on things and slowly losing weight.
He’s a workaholic. Work is the most important thing in his life.
There’s no possibility of cheating...
I guess what I need to know.. is this normal?
Is it normal to no longer be as in love when you hit the 3-4 year mark. Will it be the same again?
I’m at a loss of what to do. I feel like I can’t better my life if my partner refuses to try and better his.
2 Replies
I would say it's not normal, but normal is what you are okay with. I have been with my hubby since we where 19, is it the same as when we first got together... NO, but life is also super different. Sounds like he might need councillors to help navigate the grief process. only you know your heart and if you can dig in and see what happens, or maybe you have hit a wall and time to make some big calls. He will only grow and change if he wants to. you also need to know what you want.
It is normal to have ups and downs in a relationship.... but, alcohol is a depressant. He is not helping himself at all by drinking. It’s totally got nothing to do with your weight gain, if it has, he’s a jerk. Keep working at it (both of you) and you’ll get back on track. All relationships take work.