I am a Mumma who has been single for about 5 years. I have a good friend who is also single. I feel little romantic chemistry with him, though on paper we are very compatible. The subject of sex has come up in the last few months and the idea of being ‘Friends With Benefits’. This is not something I have considered before but I’m intrigued by the thought of it. I don’t feel that I will ever want more from him but I wonder what the best approach is, right at the beginning. He’s a great mate and I know that is at risk here. Can this work, and how?
5 Replies
U need to be strong, and able to keep emotions out of it. I had one for years, and we simply kept it friends and sex but some people let feelings control them and jealousy can cause th loss of a friend. To do this with some one ur close to set boundaries. If it gets too emotional u need to communicate this. But ether way being close to begin with there is a high risk of losing a good friend. Keep that in mind.
Friends with benefits with actual friends doesn’t work. Pick someone you don’t know well and aren’t likely to bump into that often.
Feelings are inevitably caught by someone so you need to be prepared to walk away at some point.
Also pregnancy, you need to be very well protected against pregnancy.
I have a few friends with benefits, works fine for me :) It's fun and a great stress release lol
If youre prepared to loose a friendship or for someone to possibly catch feels and you're ready for either, then go get that D.
Because he is a friend, it will probably be much easier to set those boundaries from the get-go. Talk about the protection against pregnancies and STI'S that needs to be used each time, clarify that you both can see other people? (If you do, It needs to be safe?) Ect ect
It can work but tread carefully.
I had a couple of FWB back in my single days. One of them I caught feelings for and it didn't work out well - we would catch up regularly (we lived in different states but he travelled to my state often for work), we would always get to spend a few very intense days and nights together, he was an amazing lover, but he didn't feel what I felt and we ended up losing our friendship as well as our FWB relationship. That was sad as he was a good guy and I really missed him.
The other I had no romantic feelings for but we were very sexually compatible. We would booty call regularly if and when we felt the need and neither of us were hooking up with anyone else. He was a major player with incredible charisma and I knew it, which probably helped me not to get attached.
I have no regrets now as I learned a lot but make sure if you do this that you set boundaries, make sure you take appropriate precautions (you don't want to end up pregnant or with an STI) and take care of your feelings. He also needs to be careful with his. Keep the lines of communication open, as getting intimate with someone can change things quickly. If he shows signs of wanting more than just sex and friendship then you need to stop and discuss it.