Ok, so.. long story short, I found out my partner had a onlyfans acc. He was messaging 3 different girls, tipping them to do things and dirty talking with them. Only fans for those who don’t know is like, people can subscribe to someone’s acc, and then pm message them and pay and pay them to do sexual things like, videos or photos etc. anyway.. I confronted him about it, he was so embarrassed and so apologetic, told me it was nothing not as big a deal as I thought but totally expressed he could see how terrible it was and betrayed of my trust and he didn’t feel right doing it and had stopped earlier than I saw the messages. Now, I don’t have a problem with porn, if he wants to watch porn, dirty whatever I don’t care, But this just felt wayyyy to personal to me and completely broke my heart. Like he was dirty talking the same way with these girls that he does with me, and even when we’ve sexted when he’s at away for work. I feel so betrayed.. like so hurt. I always felt shy with my sexuality and he promised it’s just me and him and I’m safe and can express myself sexually and it feels like he’s just shit all over that. He said it was a dumb urge and really meant nothing but he wants to do whatever it takes. I know it’s not really the biggest deal but I just cringe so hard thinking about him talking to a real life other girl like that while I’m home alone, kids I’m bed and missing him. I need some guidance here, we have a whole life I don’t want to throw away but I know I can’t bring this up with him forever. We had problems already and it just feels like the straw that broke the camels back. I never ever ever expected this from him. I just don’t understand why he would do it. He knows I’m pretty okay with everything and he knew this would hurt me but did it anyway. Sorry for rambling. Please help 😭
10 Replies
Yep im with you, its not ok. He knows its not ok but he did it. As someone thats been cheated on Id be done. Because to me, you can either do it, or you wouldnt do it. I guess the one exception would be trying it once thinking its porn and realising its way more personal and never going back. Hes bullshitting saying he stopped though, because he went back didnt he, you seem to have seen numerous already. So this would break any trust I had in him, especially if he's away and you're at home missing him at the time.
I’d see it as cheating too. It’s like seeing a virtual prostitute.
Thats not okay at all
It may no technically cheating but it would be enough for me to end things
I see it differently. He's paid someone outside their relationship for a sexual service, that's cheating 🤷♀️
So sorry to hear that, can understand why you’re gutted, not sure what I would do, but I would feel betrayed.
Cheating or not. It’s creepy & unattractive
I just caught my husband doing exactly this but it was 1 chick only but the worst thing is its someone he knows in real life ( not someone close but someone who is friends with people we know that has an onlyfans account!!! I have no advice as I'm still working through it myself but I hate the fact that this shit is so readily available in this day and age. I feel it makes relationships so much harder as there is so much more temptation for men. Not excusing them for choosing to go on it but geez I wish I was back in my parents era when none of this existed.
Not only is this cheating but he is trying to make it like you are making a big deal out of it. Not to mention he is so apologetic ONLY because he got caught. There's a lot of red flags here...
Yes its cheating. He has gone outside your monogamous relationship and paid someone for a sexual service.