It seems as though my Mums time here on this earth is limited. Without going into it she has advanced cancer that it not responding to treatment. She is a very laid back person and I need help to do a 'bucket list' kind of. With everything happening in a COVID world and mum being very chill no fuss. I'm struggling to think if everyday things to do, every day, while she still can. I feel stupid asking, maybe I'm putting too much stress on it but maybe some of you will have a lovely idea that I just can't seem to think of right now.
10 Replies
Take videos, get her voice, her movement. Take photos. Photos of you together. Dont overstress the things, its just company thats important. The small things, nice things, everyday things.
The mum of family friends of ours had cancer. Their thing was gardening - it was time spent together and now that she is gone it’s a place for her kids and grandkids to go and share memories in a place they created with their mum.
Can you take her to places she spent while growing up or as a younger adult if she's up for it? I talk to a lot of grey nomad travellers with work and they love seeing towns they used to live in or where they used to work. You could look up some of her old friends. Good for you for thinking of this, what a great daughter you are.
My father passed away in Jan. 10months after being diagnosed with aggressive cancer. 😕
He didn’t have anything in particular he wanted to do.
Definitely ask her and let her lead the way. It may be that her “bucket list” is just spending time with family and friends. Nothing in particular.
Don’t put your expectations of what you think she should want to do as she faced the end. I thought my Dad would have a list but he absolutely didn’t.
She will be tired all the time, maybe in pain.
Just say to her if there’s anything you want to do just let me know. And leave it at that.
I’m the meantime bring her flowers and company. Give her a foot massage, make sure she’s comfortable.
We did a series of video recordings with Dad over three sessions. He basically just talked about his entire life and gave us a recorded autobiography. This is something we will cherish forever. Something my young son will be able to watch as he gets older.
This is something I would recommend if your Mum is up for it. Most people like to talk about themselves and you’ll hear stories that you’ve never heard before. It’s brilliant.
I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through. It’s absolutely devastating. I’m sending you and your family light and love.
So sorry to hear this. My mum passed away when I was 21. We did some cards for special occasions such as my then younger brothers 21st. We video recorded a lot of things which I don’t watch a huge amount as it’s painful but it’s lovely to know they are there. Also we got some special cultural necklaces made and blessed so she was wearing one when she passed and I kept x
I would write her list.
Everything she wanted to do that she couldn't do it.
When restrictions were lifted I would do absolutely everything and write about it all. Write it down your feeling and hers. Thay memory will last
My mum passed away one year ago yesterday, she too had cancer but died suddenly of a heart attack... I was most grateful to have good memories of just sitting and enjoying each other’s company, and only wish I had thought to ask her more about all her stories pre-me. If your relationship is such that you can talk about what she’d like for a service after she’s gone, I would really recommend it. Mum and I didn’t get to talk about all the details, but even knowing just a few things that mattered to her made the whole process much less traumatic. Sending you both big love and best wishes for a really tough time, xx
Have a get together with family and friends, dare I say ‘party’ sticking within restrictions depending where you are, have a laugh, reminisce, create a memory you can look back on and smile, something that might make her forget just for a little bit..... ❤️
https://youtu.be/8Jde27QKCxs
Find a group that does "love notes from around the world!" On facebook. There are people from all over the world, and they will make personalized notes with your and your moms names on them like "mom, my love for you is so big it has reached (insert place). Love, your name"
You can print off the photos and create a book for her. I created one for my Papa when he was going through chemo. He absolutely loved it. You can include places she has always wanted to see, or visit, etc.
It is a beautiful thing.
I hope you get to spend every special moment with your mother. My heart is with you.