I’ve been ‘split’ from my ex for ~6 months but keep on falling back into the relationship ideas on how to balance friends with an ex?
He’s not LO’s bio father (he’s never in pic nor on birth cert) but only dad figure she’s had knows he’s not bio but calls and sees him dad together 4-4.5years.
We have tried for no contact between us. And that works life moves along fine to the point I go oh I’m single I’ll chat to people. Then when LO organises catch ups (which is often late evenings so he stays for dinner and then stays as it’s to late to drive home) (He works walking distance from mine and lives an hour a way so feel shit if I kick him home tired) or we have family things which always seem close together (ie we had birthday easter birthday so saw each other three weekends in a row) It falls back into the daily phone calls/txts and the general of being back in a relationship even though we’re not
Have had a very big discussion on even though it’s nice the familiarity of “home and family the relationship isn’t fixable on my end so he knows where I stand but neither of us can stop falling into habits where I feel like I’m baking my cake and eating it too
Sorry background story may not have been needed just need some ways to set boundaries up where we don’t fall back into the relationship just due to spending time together we get along well and there’s still love on both sides but too much has happened for a relationship to work and I’ve accepted that and am ok with it but the familiarity of it all ends up boundaries always get blurred when the contact picks up (ie two close visits or us talking on the phone) when i truly know the relationship is done. I don’t want to string him along As I know he’s only wanting to get back into a relationship with me.
3 Replies
Doimg that to your daughter is actually worse than not seeing him. Thats not going to be her normal, she will have another change to adjust to, just drawing it out for her poor little thing.
If he wants to maintain contact, work out a monthly visit where he takes her on a weekend on an outing. If not, end it. Sooner the better for her.
As the other responder said, keep doing this and you are damaging your daughter.
You fall back into this because you don’t change the pattern. You don’t have to catch up late evenings, you catch up on the weekend during the day at a coffee shop or a park. Then after an hour you say it’s time to go cause you have to be somewhere else at set time.
Done!
Stop doing this to your daughter. He is using you. If you don’t want him then cut it. I’m sure once he meets someone else he will cut you both of anyway, she isn’t going to stand for him seeing you both. Do it now. Tell him you can’t see him. How Convenient he Comes there late. Open your eyes and cut contact with him, this isn’t any good for your daughter because he won’t carry on a relationship with her once he has some one else. Stop it now or get back with him.!