Teenager girls. My 15 year old daughter and I are constantly clashing. She is moody, hides in her room and has recently deleted all her social media accounts. I'm worried about her and have tried to get her to talk to me and she won't. I've spoken to her Tutor Teacher at school and they have advised she is always happy and doesn't appear to be having any issues at school. She is an A grade student and sweet to everyone else but at home its like she is a different person. She has a friend who is currently Trans and is going through the transition, her and her friends have all been supportive and won't tolerate anyone bullying him. She has said a few boys have called him names but the friends will rally around and tell them to lay off. He is very depressed and puts a lot of stuff on social media that is really depressing. My daughter has recently been made a peer support officer at school which means she supports the younger grades. I am not sure what to do because at the moment I don't like her behaviour at home. She is rude and so disrespectful to me and my husband. She won't help around the house and is always running late for school. She takes out her bad attitude on her brothers and seems extremely jealous of them. I am at my wits end with her. How do I get her to open up to me, or at least for us to get along? She just hides away in her room from the time she gets home until the next morning.
6 Replies
Some of this is pretty typical teen behaviour. If she is doing well at school and the school is happy with her you are probably on the right track.
A lot of teens distance themselves from there parents at this age. You actually seem to know quite a bit about your daughters life despite that.
Just be there when she wants to talk. It’s ok to give her some space but it’s also good to have some non-negotiables like eating dinner with the family etc.
I remember this phase so well. It was like all that pressure was easier to take out on the nearest and dearest. When she needs you, she will come to you.
On a good day, just sit down with her or take her on a girls day and just say that if she ever needs to talk that you are there, just keep trying because she will turn a corner, it may not be today or tomorrow but one day she will come back around.
You are doing an excellent job mumma x
Did you tell her all this? Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Teenagers are very emotion focused and we often talk about them but not too them (we scream or yell when things go wrong but spend little time talking).
I try to carve out time to talk to each of my kids. Including texting them to check in on little things they might mention. I ask her to help me out instead of demanding she does something. And now and then I surprise her with something just for us - RAOK for one of her friends, clothes shopping for her, coffee and cake, picking her up something unexpected (like a face mask or nail polish) just because.
You’re lucky you’ve made it to 15 with this only becoming an issue now. My daughter is 13 and this has been our reality for over a year.
She sounds like she’s doing well and just sadly looses her cool at home where you are her safe place.
Obviously pull her up if it becomes too much but otherwise it’s all fairly normal I think
I dread this when my baby girl gets older.
If I were in this situation, I would buy my girl some chocolates or some flowers and leave it at her bedroom door with a little note saying something like, we are here for you always and we love you. Please let us be there for you when you are ready to talk.
I know she is being rude and disrespectful and I am sure you have told her this. Some may think getting her a little something is condoning her actions, but it's a peace offering and something to hopefully make her stop and think, hey maybe I need to take a step back and stop being a jerk to my parents, maybe i should speak to them and open up.
I can inagine how hard this must be, but just keep being there for her, she'll soon realise it xx
Take a minute here, she’s 15 and on top of going through normal teen transition one of her deer friend is highly depressed and is being bullied, she is exposed to this. She’s an A grade student and was given a role to of peer support officer, that sounds like a big responsibility. The constant feeling of needing to be this reliable person must be exhausting. She’s still young and learning how to manage all of these emotions. She needs some support