Just want to cry.
My "partner won a large amount of money on gaming yesterday and when I say large it was well over $30,000!! He was bragging about it and how he was going to spend it etc. He goes to me I'll give you some but then later changed his mind and goes how about you not pay rent for 2 months (I pay him rent as it's his house). I was like ah what? No that's not cool with me.. I deserve a little pamper day. But the catch he went and gave his mum $1000.00 to go gamble..
He asked for my honest opinion so I gave it to him. I have raised his 2 sons by myself as he is either too tired from work or he is working, plus our 2 daughters and my daughter from a previous relationship. I made these points plus a few more and then he turned nasty.
He goes to me " well you have been at home for a year on your f#cken ass and your fatter than ever", (baby just turned 1 this weekend). Your chin is double the size and you have 2 chins now, at mum's house I looked at you and your fat was over hanging the sides of the chair, your ass has doubled in size".. 8 years 2 children together and my weight is always an issue for him.. I'm not lazy, I exercise. Walk my girls to school which is over 5kms and do shit around the house/yard. But it's not good enough it never is
He says that ladies go to the gym to lose weight (I don't go to the gym! I don't have time to scratch my ass) I always tell him that those women you see exercising early in the morning either have no kids or have supportive partners that help with the kids!
That's just a rough idea on how the convo went..he asked how I felt so I told him..
I'm size 16, yes I have my mum tum from having 3 children, I have 1 normal chin like everyone else and my fat wasn't over hanging the chair..
He got so nasty, actually he is always nasty! All because I said How I felt.. I deserve a day off from being a mum 24/7, especially since I'm raising his kids!
I don't sleep our baby is always sick and I'm either at the hospital at stupid hours of the night or I'm home and she isn't sleeping so I'm not. My eyes hurt, they burn from lack of sleep and I'm utterly physically,mentally and emotionally exhausted.
He doesn't help, he was raised as a man doesn't do anything around the house that is a females job.. I work too, I return to work this week full time..still have do all the house crap and look after all the children because let's face it.. He won't..
I went for a drive it was like 8pm and I out all 3 girls in the car and left.. came back later so the girls could get sleep, and he starts again.. but this time he was saying he never said I was fat, and that I started on him.. I should just be happy for him on this special day.. like wtf! It isn't a special day you gambled money and won! We all know where the money will end up.. Man I wish he was that happy the day our daughters were born.
He doesn't see this as him doing anything wrong, that I started it and I'm ungreatful and should just be happy he is around šš
I have no one to talk too, I'm alone. No family here or friends. It's just me and my girls.. He has me in a good place, I can't leave as I have no where and realistically wouldn't be able to afford moving out once I return to work..
I need to be clear this isn't even about the money anymore it's the constant put downs and made to feel as I am not good enough to be loved. Haha if i told him that he would call me A.d.d or something mean..
Sorry it's so long.. this is the only place I can vent and not have him see or hear
Hurtful words
Hurtful words
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
35 Replies
Wow! My heart is aching for you, this is wayyyyy beyond ok.
Heās abusing you, this is such a horrible toxic relationship.
The gambling and money is another issue and yes Iād be pissed aswell about it- you have every right.
But the way he speaks to you is vile, Iām so sorry youāre going through this.
I hope you can one day escape or somehow he magically changes - Iām going to tell you what to do.
But no one deserves what youāre going through xx
Iām sorry you are in this situation.
If I was you Iād be making my plans to leave. Thats probably going to be a longer term plan, but a plan is what you need to start making.
Iād also seek legal advice. That house doesnāt sound like itās actually his. It sounds like itās both of yours as youāve been together a while now. So when you get a chance talk to a womenās legal service.
While being a size 16 is pretty large he is being horribly mean about it. This whole situation seems messy and you both seem unhappy and toxic. Maybe take him up on his offer to not pay rent for a while and use that money to get your own place sorted
I beg to differ! Iām a size 16 and Iām extremely fit and healthy - unfortunately genetically I have big strong shoulders and strong calf muscles so size 16 fits me best.
I really donāt think there was any need to even comment on that in such a post describing a horrible relationship and time for this lady
Agreed! I was at a very healthy weight range for my body type and was also a size 16.
The number in this poor lady's pants is entirely irrelevant here.
Size 16 is "pretty large"......wtf??? Some women just can't help being bitches even when they pretend to offer advice.
I canāt believe someone said that!
I'm an 18/20.
I'd be thrilled at being a 16.
I picked up a size 16 top at Kmart the other day, it would have fit my very normal sized 12 year old.
No wonder women/girls have so many body image issues when we're describing average as pretty large.
I would be doing back flips if I was a size 16. I haven't been that size in years...
Holy crap balls you nasty piece of work! I didn't ask for you to call me pretty large.. I'm not large actually, I have hips, and a mum tum but bugger me for being a 16..
You must be the perfect size 6 for a comment like that..
What a nasty fucking bitch, did you know the average size of Australian women is a size 14? A size 16 is only ONE inch different.
A size 16 can look totally different on different body types and heights . My best friend weighs 60 kilos and is a size 16 but is super tall so she looks skinny. I'm also 60 kilos but much shorter so I'm a size 10 ..
If she had said she was 60 kilos without saying her dress size I bet you'd think she is small . What a mole you truly are .
The comment says more about her than the op.
Imagine if this person were your friend, letās thank our lucky stars she isnāt someone in our real lives.
He honestly sounds like a fuckface and his true self is being clearly shown. I donāt know how long youāve been in a relationship together but Iād consult a lawyer.
I probably shouldnāt call him that but itās what heās being.
30k could go to the kids and their futures. Or buy shares... something productive not short term.
I can't believe you pay him rent.
Sounds like the only weight you need to loose is his toxicity.
Are you a couple? If so why in the hell are you paying rent. Time to get all your ducks in a row and call it a day. You deserve better and so do your children.
Stop paying rent! Start saving! Donāt let your girls think that this is acceptable treatment!
Money is the root of all evil . People either want it or they won't share it for millions of various reasons .
Youāre being played for an absolute fool.
You pay part of his mortgage for him with no ownership in the house.
He has you there to take care of HIS kids and for god knows what reason, you keep having kids with him which helps him keep you dependent on him.
He likes you bare foot and pregnant in the home, being the maid and then can tell you that you are fat and lazy for not working.
Iām sorry, but you really need to take some responsibility for your choices here.
You keep digging yourself in further and further.
Your self esteem must be in the toilet to accept this very unequal situation.
Is being single really that bad that you would put yourself in this situation?
Iām a single mum, I get it can be hard and lonely, but this situation, no freaking way.
You need counselling, you need to build yourself up, you need to show your kids how strong you are.
Time to make plans and get the hell out of there.
He doesnāt see you as an equal but a rent payer and surrogate mummy to his kids.
Please, I beg you, open your eyes.
It may sound harsh, but dearly lady, Iām trying to give you a wake up call, you deserve sooooo much better than this prick!
This isn't a partnership.
We know it, you know it.
Save your rent money and GTFO.
He's a douche canoe, I hope he gets crotch fleas.
Hang on, hang on... You pay HIM RENT???? WTF?? You are a partnership. You live together. You do not pay him rent!
This is not normal. None of this is ok!!!
Surely not paying rent for 2 months is worth more than a pamper day? That aside, you have kids together, live together.... you're defacto. Why are you paying rent? I find that more concerning tbh
Really? I think the only question you should be asking is why is she paying rent?
This is not a partnership your paying rent. Secondly if $30,000 was to come into a household regardless of how there should be a discussion on how it is spent. Why does he have full power and say?
My husband is now my ex because he spoke to me the same way. It took me a while to realise that I don't deserve to be spoken to like that & found the courage to tell him to leave in January this year. My kids (we have 5 together) don't need to hear how he spoke to me like i was useless & I realised I deserved better & so do you. Good luck xx
No one has suggested that this man has a problem. You would have to bet pretty big to win $30000. And gave his mum $1000 to gamble.
He is the one with the problem by the sounds of things.
Get out. Do you want your kids thinking itās ok to be treated like this?? You are worth more than his gambling and abuse xx
He is a pig... pack ya shit lose 100 kgs instantly by dumping his ass and let him look after his own kids. What a selfish, disrespectful pig.!! Get out of there!!!
Leave his ass!! What an absolute fuck wit!! Our bodies go through so much growing and nurturing babies. You deserve a man that appreciates every inch of you regardless of how you look. Size 16 isnāt even big.
I am the last one to call abuse but it sounds like financial, mental and social abuse to me! Perhaps look into what help there is available to you, if you were a single parent? Iām sorry you are in this situation. I donāt believe itās right at all!
Before you take the majorities advice and up and leave think really hard about the entire situation. I'm sure there's a lot more to your full story than just that...
He has been raised as a man who leaves everything to the wife so how can you get him to see that you need him yo help out a little. My partner expects me to do a lot but he works more hours than I do but when he pitches in he smashes it.
I also pay rent to my partner. It's not rent it's just paying my share of the house expense so as long as the "rent" isn't more than 50% of what he pays on rent or mortgage and you both agree on it then it's your contribution as you are also living there now. If you both owned it you'd both be paying the mortgage.
I also often struggle to tell my partner how I feel and it all comes out in a big argument usually when he's already peeved about something else. You need to find ways for you both to communicate with each other and if there's things he wants changed then he needs to support you to do that. Sometimes I write down how I'm feeling and let him read it because then he can't interrupt or change subject or say anything before I've finished that makes me feel bad.
So is it a communication issue or is it an abuse issue. I actually got the balls this week to get my partner in a good mood and made him listen. I said honestly I feel like I can't say anything because I can't deal with the way you make me feel sometimes when I do try and talk. He sat back and said yeah you're right I do.
Raising kids isn't easy and sometimes you focus on the kids and work and forget about yourself and forget to keep the relationship in check. Make time for date nights (even if they are at home watching a movie, ordering in a meal and enjoying a bottle of wine together and just have "us" time). We also have separate time where I'll go away for a weekend without him or I'll go out and give him his own space for a bit because sometimes you need your own space too and sometimes I'll take my kids off and leave him to spend time with just his kids for a bit.
And talk about the financials and your need for you time and how it hurt you that he didn't consider putting x amount into something for the family and a little bit for you to spoil yourself. Mine would do the same until I talked some sense into him. In a way he's right he gambled his money and won so the winnings are his and mine says if he wins big he will choose what happens to the money but at the end of the day he's pretty good at coming around to my way of thinking but he's a man and doesn't like to be told what to do and he needs to feel like he's made the decisions lol
My man challenges me and usually I can look back and see how yes he hurt me but I've got my faults and he challenges me and makes me grow and I do the same to him, even though I can't see it in the moment and it doesn't always come out right.
It is always ok to vent though even if the venting only tells part of the story you are always valid in the way you feel.
So ask yourself, are you Happy? Is this something you can work through and build on or is this something damaging that long term will not be good for you. Only.you know the full story and only you know what your man is really like. Every relationship has its ups and downs and there will be times when you want to walk away. Do you love him? What are the good things? But at the end of the day only you know, is the relationship working for you and if it's not can it be worked on?
Good luck and I'm so sorry he made you feel that way.
What a way to live!!!
Manipulation on any big decision to make him feel like itās his decision because he has absolutely zero respect for your thoughts and opinions.
Sounds like a āhow toā in a 1950s cosmo magazine.
The saddest part, your girls are learning that they arenāt an equal partner in relationships and your boys are learning to be entitled misogynsts.
And so the cycle continues.....
Get a lawyer and get your 15k. It's half yours. If he argues take half of everything else. This isn't the 1940's. My heart goes out to you, you deserve so much better. I am appalled at the way he disrespects you. Big hugs xx
You are in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. You might not be ready to see it for what it is, but it has a name. The good part is that this is a recognised situation and there are resources that can help you.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.
YOU CAN LEAVE.
YOU DO HAVE SUPPORT.
Go to Centrelink and find out what services you can access to help you move out on your own with your girls. The law recognises homemaking as contributing to the assets of a situation, you paying rent, and raising his children will equal a financial impact on āhisā assets, and you may not even be the one who has to leave the house. He will also be required to pay you a decent amount of child maintenance which will help you support your family on your own. You feel trapped and overwhelmed and scared and worthless. These are big scary-arse steps and you might think youāre not ready for them and that you canāt do it.
I know that because Iām in the middle of the same thing and Iām just starting to see it for what it is and to access the support that is out there for us. You are scared that you canāt do it. You donāt even know if you want to yet. Youāre probably thinking a million different things: itās not always so bad, maybe Iām just overreacting, I donāt know if I want to leave, itās going to be really frikken hard and awful and I donāt think I have the courage or the energy or the strength to make it through to the other side and what if itās worse when I get there. Itās okay to be unsure. Itās okay to be scared. But you are being abused and taken advantage of and you donāt have to stay because you think you canāt leave. YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN.
Beautiful words, good luck on your journey.
You know the good thing to you paying "rent" is? You are directly contributing to the mortgage. Take him for half of it when you walk out the door. See how he likes that. He will need to pay you child support and lose his house. At the moment he would be making money off you. It doesn't sound like a family at all, walk away!