Is my marriage at the end?
I’m unhappy, I’m snappy and everything stresses me out.
I’m currently not working ( I’m looking for work) but due to COVID has made it harder.. I had a job but we moved states for my husbands job.
I think this is playing a massive part into why I’m so unhappy as I’m just constantly doing the same thing over and over again.. I need a break. We have two children (4yo & 2yo).
So I’m mentally exhausted constantly as I’m always with them and I need work to break things up etc.
When it comes to our marriage I just feel like there’s nothing there, he’s a great dad and I guess he helps around the house.. really no need to as I’m home I do it all.
He does do the dishes and bins daily.
Everything he does frustrates me, he constantly forgets things I’ve asked him to do and will go on for weeks even if I remind him.
I’m over repeating myself, it’s like having a 3rd child. I’ll admit I can be hard sometimes but Jesus how many times do I need to ask for something to be done things like mow the lawn, there’s cardboard that needs to be taken to the tip etc.
Sometimes it’s like he is blind and will happily walk past something / mess and won’t even bother to clean it, meaning I have to do it or he doesn’t do things properly ( without a doubt every day when he does dishes he’ll forget about the dishes on the stove top)
I have communicated quite clearly what it bothering me and still nothing.. I’ve sat down spoken to him asked if his depressed etc he swears he isnt. I know I am, so I’m moody right now.
He won’t do anything without being asked and it gets to me as it’s like having a 3rd child? It’s like I basically have to tell him to do anything or else it doesn’t get done.. then when I communicate what needs to be done he forgets anyway.
He says it’s like he has to read my mind? But seriously, are men that silly they can’t see the bins need to go out? The mess on the floor? They can’t think to themselves that oh I’ll do that so my wife doesn’t have to ask or do it?
I feel we don’t do anything for each other, I’ve basically given up.. so it’s not just him.
But even when I communicate quite clearly what is bothering me.. nothing changes.
I’m literally depressed, I go through high and low stages.. but I feel like we will be okay then a few weeks were back here fighting as nothing ever changes.
I just don’t know what to do.
I feel like giving up.. but I do love him.. I’m just so over going through the same cycle over and over.
4 Replies
Stay at home mum, ground hog day, it kills me mentally too.
You’re used to getting out to work and your world has changed drastically, plus covid19 doesn’t help, you cant take the kids anywhere, it’s the perfect storm.
I would say with your mental health where it is, your tolerance levels are lower than normal and little things are probably made bigger.
Don’t get me wrong, I think your husband needs to step up his game but I think this has probably happened before and you haven’t considered leaving.
I wish you all the best in getting a job and getting your life back in balance.
I think you need some me time to recharge, every week, something to look forward it, somethimg to break up the monotony.
Even if it’s Sunday morning, hubby gets kids up, takes them wherever and doesn’t come back until 12.
During this time, you relax, watch your favourite tv shows, relax in bed etc. no housework, you have all week to do that shit.
Sit outside with a cuppa, a good book, whatever floats your boat.
You really need this and with his lack of initiative, you’re going to have to spell it or even order it lol
I promise it gets easier when they’re older, it won’t always be this hard.
Good luck.
You need to water your grass! You need a regular break, spending half an hour a day doing something you like to start. Then when you feel more like yourself again, work on the relationship. Of course you’re feeling this way, I feel EXACTLY the same when I’m stuck at home with my kids 24/7 which is why I work. I’ve tried the stay at home mum gig and it’s not for me, I take my hat off to mums who thrive on it.
I could written this myself!
I’m the same, except I have 3 children + the husband so that makes 4 😂
You’ve lost yourself and I can probably guarantee every little thing sets you off. But you’re wondering if the grass is greener. I’ve been married for 14 years this year and have been with my husband for nearly 20 years! We’re only mid 30’s so we’re still trying to grow with each other. People change, you have 2 little bubs to care for, you’re not working so you’re at home all the time. The rubbish bin?? OMG! I can’t tell you how many times it’s been full, overflowing yet no one empties it.
My husband said to me a few weeks ago ‘what sets you off for you to feel like this’
So I laid it all out on the line and told him. I hate feeling like I’m cranky alllllll the bloody time. But I wouldn’t be cranky if I didn’t have a reason to be.
The past few weeks, I’ve also started talking to a psychologist. She’s made me see things differently and that most of the stuff that irritates me, is in my head and I look at things differently to how my husband does.
I suggest not giving up. You love him and he sounds like a good husband and dad. Men don’t think like us. We have to remember that. Seek some professional help and don’t forget to take some time out for yourself!
I’ve joined an online gym class. Every 2 days I get 1 hour to myself, no one to bother me.
It’s hard. But just remember why you fell in love with your husband. You know that saying happy wife happy life? Same goes for our husbands. I cook a nice meal, put the kids to bed, watch some TV with no phones around, then light some candles and take him to bed and have your way with him. Show him you love yourself and him. You’ll see a difference in him as he’s probably feeling like nothing he does is good enough.
Honestly, I would book an appt with your GP first to discuss mental health. I was at a point of wanting to divorce my husband, just feeling like I was barely hanging on by a thread with coping and just angry / upset constantly. Once I got my mental health in order, things have really changed. I ended up getting onto a low dose anti-depressant and after about 6-8 weeks things just totally turned around. Things annoy me still, but I'm not instantly angry or frustrated. I feel far calmer and can easily just ask him to do something without blowing up.
Good luck.