Hi IMs,
I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend the last 10 months. We’ve been together for five years and have some practical issues in our relationship that we have been tending to.
Today I found out that his Mum has blocked me on Facebook recently despite occasionally messaging or speaking on there.
We’ve (the mum and I) have had a pleasant if not close relationship throughout all of the ups and downs.
I’m feeling kind of hurt and guttered about it as silly as that sounds...It feels OTT to ask for the reason for the block but I know it’s going to eat at me...
What would you do?
24 Replies
Ignore it.
Get on with either fixing your relationship or ending it for once and for all.
But having a conversation with the MIL isn’t worth your energy.
Thank you x
I wouldn't worry about it. I was blocked the other day for telling my child's brother by a different mother's grandmother to stop messaging 16 year old boys who have never met her before to tell him he has brothers he never knew he had on his birthday then turned around denying it after telling me through messenger.
70 year old women are supposed to be mature enough not to play mind games or be petty.
FYI, I'm no longer with their father and was only in touch as I felt it important.
70 ! I'm a MIL and I'm 30 years younger . Unless you mean your MIL was in her 70s and not the posters. Either way, we come in all ages and I I wouldn't dare treat my daughters or sons in law with anything but respect, even if i didn't agree with something they did.
Shame.
Doesn't sound like she's playing games it sounds like she's trying to connect with her grandson and tell him about siblings he has. Why wouldn't you want your son to know that?
Let's break it down.
I am child #3's mother.
Child #1's mother doesn't have care of child #1, grand ma does. Grandma has been quite anti father for years, and she has tried forcing a relationship with the father for along time. I attempted to facilitate that but it didnt work out. She emailed me about how my ex treated her daughter and ultimately that factored in the breakdown down of our relationship.
Child #2 has a different mother. My ex and I had alot to do with this child until I seperated from my ex and then child #2 severed contact with child #3 was 2 years old. Child #2 never met child #1.
Child #3. I am the mother of child. I remained in touch with child #1's grandmother. She has told me that she tracked down all my ex partners family, contacted them, then told them all about child #1, what my ex did and then about child #2 and #3. This all came out at a funeral of my ex's grandfather. This humiliated him, I was blamed for it. Child #1's grandmother did it deliberately to cause issues in the family for my ex, the father. It did cause a lot of issues.
I stayed in contact with child #1s grandma because I met her when child #3 was a newborn and genuinely was interested in child #1.
I kept her in the loop about child #3, my child.
When child #2 turned 16, child #1's grandmother sent him a happy birthday. She didn't say who she was. Child #1 responded a month later and she then told him who she was, who the children were and things about the father. Child #2 thought that they were the only child and only knew what the fathers name was and where he lived. There was no interest in meeting anyone in the family previously.
This wasn't about a bunch of teenagers (child #1 is a legal adult now.) Child #2 is the 16 year old. Child #3 is the youngest, 14) looking for each other on Facebook and exchanging messages. This is about a 70 + year old complete stranger contacting child #2 who is 16 without knowing a thing about the child or child #2s mother and Telling child #2 all about the father, about all the children, finding out child #2 didnt know about the siblings and was raised being the other child.
Who on earth as a 70 + year old doesn't speak to the parents asking if it's ok messages a child and tells them all about the family plus the father? What right does grandmother of child #1 have of doing that? Child #1 and child #3 know each other exists and they know child #2 exists but they're not interested in talking to each other or knowing who each other are.
I'm furious she has done this again and if she really wanted to do the right thing with child #2 and telling child #2 about the father and the family, she should of passed the fathers details on directly.
Sure, the children have the right to know about each other but she shouldn't of taken over and contacted a minor.
Ah ok, I thought it was your child's grandmother! Sounds like a trouble maker.
Oh yes, she is. When Child 3 was a newborn, I invited them into my home so they could meet us, and we could meet them plus child #1. I invited child #2 and his mother to come but she declined. She didn't feel comfortable and felt I was trying way too hard to facilitate relationships and I acknowledge that wholeheartedly. It shouldn't be my job to do the right thing all the time. Dad has to. Family is 100% important to me, but I owe her nothing. My responsibility is to my child and I respect child #2's mother's feelings. She has a right to privacy and a right to raise her child in away she wants.
At the end of the day, I kept in touch with child #1 grandma should the children like to meet because we live on different sides of the country. Child #2 lives closer to us however, if Dad cannot make things work or doesn't want to see that child, I can't help that relationship. I can only support child #3.
On the day we met child #1 and the grandmother, we planned to go out to lunch and I left the baby in the porta cot at in the living room to go get the car seat. Child #1 was already in the car and grandma was inside the house with child #3. I walked in and she was busy taking photos of newborn #3. She saw me and got a shock then said "is it alright to take photos?" Mind you, she used the few minutes I was go to get child #3s carseat out to take photos, not anything else. She also know she was welcome to take photos of us all but chose that opportunity to take photos secretly. She was caught red handed and couldn't deny it.
Overall, it was an ok day but my ex was totally out of his depth and uncomfortable. I did tell him that I didn't want the baby left alone with her again.
We only met them once, and we agreed child #1 should stay with them because we didn't think disrupting his care was appropriate. But I did remain in touch and my ex was horribly angry at her and still is.
She has been evasive about certain topics, pushy about sibling DNA tests in order to vindicate her daughter's honor because my ex denied paternity but couldn't afford go to court to order it. (Another story.)
I've been blamed for certain things that seemed to fall on contact she's made with my ex only to pull out at the last minute. This came out when I called my ex saying what she's done and asked if they could look on child #3's social media and reinforce the message that if child 3 gets a message, to tell us immediately because we dont want her talking trash about stuff she doesn't know about.
When I calmly told her what I thought, about how inappropriate she was being, she denied everything she had moments before told me about messaging child #2 and said she just sent him a birthday wish and he made contact not her. Naturally he responded with a "who are you and why are you wishing me a happy birthday?" She.opened the door. Thats her making contact not the other way round.
She didn't want to talk about it, she got caught and blocked me. Unfortunately for her, she chose that Avenue and no longer has access to child #3 because of her actions. I honestly believe by her blocking me on Facebook speaks of a trouble maker who is quite immature and doesn't like being challenged.
Since hes your boyfriend, she isn't your MIL unless married, so don't even bother calling her that, you are so much better than what shes done if she cant even be bothered telling you why. Amazes me how older ppl can be so childish. A simple explanation should be deserved
Thank you x I used MIL just so this post kind of made some sense but definitely agree about using that title when married
She doesn't have to like you.
Maybe she doesn't like how her son's relationship is panning out.
Maybe she disagrees with what you post.
Maybe she finds it tiresome not knowing how to interact from one day to the next.
Her reasons are hers, but it's not your problem.
For the record, I've blocked most of my partners siblings. We were all friends but the bullshit wannabe gangsta posts, the whining about their life etc was fucking annoying so all were unfriended. Friend requests kept being sent so all are blocked. We still talk in person, I just don't have to invite that bullshit side of them into my home.
Or you could just hide their posts for the purpose of being civil and acting like an adult.
Civility and adulting comes into it with interacting in person. We get along in person just fine.
They're different people on SM. What does hiding their posts achieve? Makes them think their online personas are ok with me? They're not. I'm too old for the BS.
We're all adults, they don't have to get a participation award.
I would ask her. You don't know what is getting said about you behind your back. My ex Bil (married my exes sister but they separated) deleted me on facebook, I thought it was a bit fishy because we always got along well, turns out my exes family told him I was telling my ex sil things he was posting on facebook, which was not true at all we actually didn't even talk to each other. It was another ex sil doing it, they were just trying to deflect and blame it on someone else.
Could also be that she doesn't want you to see if she posts something negative about you, which also happened from said family.
Ask to see what she says, just say, "Hello, I have noticed you have blocked me. It's OK that you have but I just want to make sure I haven't somehow offended you in amongst the mess that me and _ Are going through, please tell me if I've done anything to upset you."
Also make sure you are not posting things that are about the trouble you're having, even if its just memes as everyone kind of can guess what they are about. I already know one of my fb friends who I haven't spoken to in years has broken up with her husband, he cheated on her, he doesn't pay child support or see his kids just from the 100 memes she posts a day. I can see how that would be super annoying if you were close to that person.
Thank you! That makes sense that there might have been a misunderstanding or something said.
I totally get what you mean about posts and piecing together what’s happening...Neither of us post about the situation or make allusions to it on our social media. My Facebook is pretty generic/mild, so is hers! It just seems a bit weird and I feel a bit down about it.
I get along well with my sister in law, I also have her blocked.
She's in an abusive relationship, despite us all trying to help her get out, she stays.
I have her blocked because her partner has full access to her phone and social media accounts and I don't want that piece of shit being able to see my posts etc.
He also likes to get on and send nude pictures of her to all 2000 of her Facebook friends whenever she (to use his words) "misbehaves".
I know my example is quite extreme and not entirely the same thing you're experiencing but my point is sometimes you've got to remove yourself from these things for your own peace of mind.
Perhaps your relationship issues this past 10 months have weighed on his mum more than you've realised and this is her way of removing herself from everything.
2000 friends?
He sounds like a gem.
Yes, she (or him maybe, who knows) tends to add everyone and anyone. I'd estimate a good 500 of them are weird randoms from God know what countries.
He's pure evil I'm sure of it but what can you do when a person chooses to keep going back to that 😔
Thank you for your response! I definitely think there’s a lot of confusion about our ups and downs - I guess her approval of me meant a lot to me and I’m sad to feel as though there is a problem there if that makes sense?
I have some family on my fb that I’m so close to deleting.
Their political views, their attention seeking behaviour and everything else just doesn’t align with my values,
I probably won’t, but I really want to.
Respect she doesn’t want you on her fb.
I would say in your case, every time you are “off” in the relationship your partner tells her about it.
She probably only hears the bad, not the good and maybe thinks it has an expiration date.
Thank you for your response. I don’t post much, if I do it’s usually quite mild or gentle content. I respect that she may have wanted to go private. I just thought we had a pretty friendly, pleasant relationship so I don’t understand the choice if that makes sense.
Yeah, I think the blame goes to your partner for telling mummy shit lol
The problems is, he doesn’t tell her when things are good, leaving a bad impression.
I could be off base, but if it came out of the blue, I’d say this is the most likely scenario.
Move on. She's always going to be his mum first. It could be as simple as he's frustrated in her involvement. She's frustrated at the ongoing drama and wants him to just move on. You don't know but she's his mum and most likely it is just an online thing, the relationship irl will be the same.
She clearly wants out of the drama. She did it quietly as to not cause drama.
Leave it be, she doesn’t want to be part of her sons mess.
Sort your shit out with him, it’s not her fight, or care by the sounds of it