Okay sisters I need help!!
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we've been through a lot together we've also lived over an hour apart for the most of our relastionship.
Bit of history is, he was married and I was engaged. He has a daughter 9, I have 2 kids 5 boy and 8 girl. We were both together supporting each other while we went through a property settlement and court with our ex's, I got $120,000 he got $70,000. I went and brought and investment property with my mum (only loan I could get) and purchased a $12,000 European holiday for Nov this year for my mum and I to say thank you and because I've wanted to go for ages. He purchased a hsv and a Harley, I told him to get a house of his own but his money not my place. Fast forward about a year on and he derided he finally wanted to get his own house so he started working away and nights to earn more cash. This threw a spanner in the works as we already lives an hour apart, we would hardly see each other while he goes, so I decided I needed to take a brake from it all as my mental health was bad at this time and broke up with him.
About 8 months ago around 6 months into our brake we see each other at a friend's birthday party. We naturally start gravitating toward another relastionship, he stopped working nights and working away and obtained his mortgage and was building his house. Things moved fast and we decided to move in together to cancel out our distance issues, well 5 weeks on and don't I regret that idea..
Since his house is being built he has been paying more than half his wage on this mortgage and keeping the rest for himself or putting $100 into our account when he can afford it, mean while I've been putting almost my whole wage into our account. I've been paying rent, Bill, for food and for the kids as well as my mortgage on my investment property. I'm on a good wicket and we are 4 weeks in front in our rent but my issue is last night I calculated how much we both had put into our joint account AND well. In 5 weeks I've put $11,250 he's put $925, now at this point I bring it to his attention in which he said "you knew I'd be paying mortgage till I can get someone to rent my house out" I asked for an estimate on how long that would be and he said MARCH NEXT YEAR!!! Means I have to continue supporting 5 on my wage alone while he pays nothing!!
I'm so close to loosing it!! I Don't know what to do!! Because I have been putting so much into living in this rental I have no money for my once in a life time holiday, he knows this too. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, I feel like he's being selfish!! What do I do? I'm so lost!! I love him and supporting each other is a part of the relastionship isn't it? Is this what it's like??
7 Replies
This isn’t supporting each other though, this is you supporting him while he does what he wasn’t with his wage. He will continue to do this because he knows you will pick up the pieces. I would be leaving this man child ASAP. He is selfish, immature, running your dry and he doesn’t care .
I think you guys have a major communication issue and you’ve rushed the moving in. Didn’t you both discuss the expectations in detail before moving in?
There are quite a few warning signs in the lead up to this relationship.
You had to break up so he could buy a house? Most couples in healthy relationships would just communicate less.
He didn’t contact you when things had settled down for him, it was only because he bumped into you at a party you are back together. A guy that was really committed to you would have been back in contact the minute things settled down.
Then the lack of planning for this move. Discussing how the expenses were going to be split, what you were both going to sacrifice for the move etc.
It sounds like you need to either move out, or you both need to sit down and renegotiate and truly discuss how you want your lives to operate.
So what did you end up doing with the kids?
I have to admit that while it's not ideal - if you agreed to move in together knowing that he was building a house and didn't discuss how you would split the bills etc the you are both at fault for the situation. Yes he should be contributing more but if he can't/wont you need to decide if you can continue to afford your current place on your own and if not find something cheaper. If he can't contribute he moves out that's it. You both have a lot of things to sort out before this relationship is going to work the very first is communication!
Honestly, why are you living together with all this going on? Sound like that’s all he can afford at the moment, as he has a mortgage and he has tried to put some money in savings. I don’t know anyone who could match your 11,000 in that many weeks? What kind of expenses do you have? I have a mortgage and wouldn’t dole out anywhere near that money. I don’t really understand the question/situation at all. Do you expect him to match your 11,000, because in his situation, that’s pretty unrealistic. Also, your investment property and kids aren’t really his expenses. Didn’t you ask before you moved in when his house would be built? You also knew he stopped working away and nights for you and I assume his mortgage was approved with a much larger income, now it would be hard to afford. This seems like a spontaneous thing that neither of you thought through and I really hope your kids didn’t end up moving schools for this unstable situation. From your last post to this, I think you need to get your head together and start thinking things through, especially for your kids.
Well wouldn't you be a mug to continue to put that much in!
Take your money from that account and RUN, Run far away and never look back. Fuck that for a joke. He's taking you for a ride big time. Red flags 🚩🚩🚩