Has anyone had any success with relationship counselling/therapy?
Husband and I are booked in for our first session on Monday. This is my last ditch effort to save our marriage.
I'm already feeling like I can't wait that long. I feel neglected, not appreciated and very, very aware of the toxicity. I've spoken to Respect on multiple occasions and they've validated my fears that he's very consistently gaslighting and stonewalling. Those are the main issues for me but the tip of the iceberg
I have love for him, but I am so over it all. I also feel as though he thinks counselling is about "winning" because he says he "does nothing wrong". That makes me feel like it's pointless even going, so if anyone has had similar experiences around that in particular.
Thanks all.
4 Replies
You will only get something out of counselling if both parties are prepared to listen and correct themselves and when they hear where things are going wrong they genuinely try to correct it.
Counselling takes a fair amount of insight and motivation to work.
Unless there is violence of any kind I think it’s worth a shot even if it confirms it’s over and you use counselling to discuss the best way to go your separate ways.
Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t hear what he wants to hear, that he blames the counsellor for being biased towards women or some such nonsense.
This is pretty much what I'm preparing myself for. He keeps trying to say I just have "mental issues" and it's all me. He has an outright refusal to accept any responsibility at all.
I told him I'd spoken to RESPECT about his behaviour again (as I said, tip of the iceberg) and he told me that "of course they'll tell me what I want to hear" because they're "just some dodgy internet counsellor and I'm only telling my story which isn't true".
I truly don't think he can change at this point. I'm willing to go into it with an open mind and learn tools to help me be a better person but I honestly think he's not willing to listen.
It may be useful for you to see if he has any intention of taking responsibility for his actions etc and if not you might have more clarity that the marriage can’t be saved. Individual counselling for you will probably be more beneficial in the long run
That was a reason my husband wanted to go counselling. So they could tell me I was wrong and it was my fault and my family’s fault. They didn’t say that. But they didnt really put him straight either. We were in toxic relationship though and they said it’s not good.
Things got worse I left. He moved to where I was after hitting rock bottom n wants to try again