Have you ever cheated?
Did you get caught? How?
If you didn't get caught, did you confess? What happened then?
If you didn't confess and kept it a secret, how did you manage without it completely eating you up inside?
I've made a really big mistake, that I've never ever done before, and I really don't know what to do.
19 Replies
No I’ve never cheated.
I’ve been unknowingly been the other woman and I’ve been cheated on. Honestly it broke me. I lost my self confidence and lost my way for awhile afterwards.
I don’t trust anyone anymore.
Come clean and hopefully you can work it out.
Truth always finds a way out. Come clean and deal with the fallout. It will be messy and painful 🤷♀️
I've cheated . But it was in retaliation to my husband being a vile meth addict .
In my head, I'm even .
I've cheated. I got caught. I/We went through a lot of stages to get to where we are.
The guy I cheated with was an old FWB and we talked all the time before what happened, we'd gone from being f**kbuddies to friends. He was married too. We had never been flirty or sexual since he met his wife, literally just mates. I was feeling rejected by my husband. I don't know what he was feeling, but he was up for it when I started flirting with him. We met twice for sex but talked daily for weeks. If I'm honest I was looking for a way out of my marriage. We had been through a lot including dishonesty on both of our parts, lack of affection, financial stresses, alcoholism and violence. I thought we were done. I thought this was a way to get out.
Hubby was suspicious, because I'd and checked my phone. I'd been meticulous about deleting messages, but I'd been very protective and secretive with my phone and he got suss. Checked my phone, found messages I'd forgotten to delete that day and quickly worked out what had happened.
We went through many stages - he was angry and hurt, I gleefully admitted what I'd done and blamed him for my behaviour. He wanted to break up, I was happy to. As we were working out what that was going to look like we both realised that's not what either of us we wanted and worked hard to repair things. There were a lot of apologies on both sides, lots of crying, lots of talking. It involved a LOT of transparency on my part. He asked me to allow him access to my phone at all times with no warning for a while. He asked me questions all the time, where I was going, who would be there. After a while the checking my phone, the questions eased off. As hard as it was to hear for him, I explained that what I'd done was because of the guy involved. I wasn't going to be out looking for people to sleep with.
As for the guy, we are no longer friends. My husband messaged and threatened him with contacting his wife if he didn't come clean to her. He admitted what he'd done to her, there was a lot of shit that hit the fan there (it came to light that he'd cheated on her many times before they actually got married - I'm sorry I did that to her) and we blocked each other on socials. I haven't spoken to him or seen him since. That was 4 years ago.
If I had any advice - I'd say come clean. Rip the bandaid off. The truth will out. If it doesn't it will eat you up so be ready to face the consequences, whatever they may be. Think about what you want the outcome to be. If your partner is on board, work for that. Good luck.
Thank you. Your story is similar to mine.... the other guy here tho is my friends BFF's husband, so if/ when it all comes out, I will lose so many people. It started last year, but I knew he liked me a while before. We met for sex a few times & there were heaps of messages... last time was back in Jan so I feel like I'd be dragging the past back up when I should just let it go. BUT I feel terrible every day. I want it gone from my head and feel like the only way is to admit it. I almost wish I'd been caught, rather than having to actually say the words myself. And I know the other guy has no intention of telling his wife. we don't talk anymore, but I'm friends with her. Adds to this awful feeling!
Did you and your husband go to any counseling as well?
Argh, I can imagine. I suppose one up side (if there could be one) to our situation is that no one knows. Hubby and this guy didn't know each other. He was someone from my past and we didn't travel in the same social circles any more. I didn't know his wife. Made it a lot less fallout, for us at least.
I guess you have to ask yourself, is living with this secret better than hurting all the people you will hurt if it comes out? Is it going to eat you up forever? Maybe a start would be to get some counselling yourself?
We didn't go to counselling. We should have. Probably still should. We have one child and little-to-no support which means alone time is hard to come by. Things aren't perfect between us. A lot of work still to do.
Trust me, January will seem very recent to the person being told.
I’d let it go.
I'm ashamed to admit I had a year long affair with a coworker. We were both in unhappy marriages and took comfort in each other's arms. I wanted out of my marriage because my husband is an alcoholic who becomes emotionally abusive when he drinks, but I never had the guts to leave so instead I took this path which I know was wrong. I'd emotionally detached from my husband long before the affair but it doesn't make it right.
we nearly got caught a few times, as we were having sex in public places and at work as we neither of us could bring the other back to our home and after my husband started getting suspicious I decided to call it quits. I didn't want to get caught and the reputation that would bring to me and what it would do to my children I couldn't bare. So I told him no more and then a month later he left his wife. He said he couldn't handle the guilt. if he has left 6 months earlier I would've gone with him but I was already getting over him by the time he left.
I feel like the worst person in the world for what I've done to this poor woman. She still has no idea she
Think he just fell out of love with her. Which he said is true too. He's still trying to get me back and I've had to block him on Facebook and SMS because he just wouldn't stop texting me, he wouldn't let me go.
So now I'm still married to man I don't love. Ive broken up a marriage and broken my lovers heart in the process. I wish I'd never done it, but I'm still too gutless to either come clean to my husband or to leave him and I'm stuck with this horrible feeling of guilt and remorse.
I can absolutely relate to that feeling of guilt and remorse. I'm sorry you are still dealing with this. I also understand not being able to admit it to your husband. I'm terrified. But, I don't want to tell him because I do love him and hate the idea of hurting him. I did what I did for selfish reasons that I've got no excuses for, and I feel like that's even worse.
I would hate for it to come out for what it would do to my husband and our
children. But I hate living with it. I am angry that I feel like this tho and the other guy appears to be completely fine and is going on with life like it never happened.
I don't think you're gutless for not saying anything. It's such a hard situation to be in. I hope things work out for you.
I have been accused of cheating for 3 years and it turns out he is the cheater. It hurts, heart breaks, obsession with everything reminds me about what I saw between them in the messages. I hate cheaters, hate the women stepping in someone’s family, it’s cruel, with another woman and kids.
My husband constantly accused me of cheating on him for years but I was 100% faithful and it use to hurt me to think that he would think I would do anything.. After 4 years of constantly being accused of having an affair I grew tired of it and thought you know what fuck it I'll go have an affair but it was also my way of getting back at him... well that was what I told myself at the time and had several affairs to married men and single men too.. my husband was an alcoholic and would try and rape me in my sleep so I guess this was my was of revenge... but eventually the guilt was too much to bare so I ended our marriage and never actually told him about the affairs... I look back at my pass and think God I was stupid but I have moved on and he has moved on with his life.. still an alcoholic and a druggo... What i did was no excuse but at the time you just do things irrationally.. that's what makes us human... I don't know what to tell you to do but I hope you work it out and find closure x x
Yes I have cheated first it was a secret text with a old friend that I got caught doing then I physically did it with a co worker which then made me have feels for him, my ex husband and I lived very separate lives! My ex couldn’t get past it and I understand that to be honest I wouldnt of done it if I was happy in my relationship. I am happy on my own and can survive on my own with the kids if that’s one of your fears. You have to come clean. It’s going to hurt and really suck but you need to do it before you are caught cause he will not forgive you for hiding it longer. Good luck lovely and try to forgive yourself to xx
I have, with a friend of my husbands. I came clean after he had his suspicions and it ended my marriage. I couldn’t have lived with the guilt if I didn’t tell him. There were a lot of underlying issues in our marriage to this day he still doesn’t acknowledge. Maybe I was looking for a way out? I don’t know. The fall out was the worse. But we co-parent well now and it’s in the past. But it will stay with me forever. I’m happily single now and will stay that way.
A lot of women don’t talk about it, personally I would love to have someone to talk to that has been in the same boat. I’m here if you need anyone to chat to
I had an online affair that went on for over a year, it was a very intimate relationship and only stopped as he moved on to another woman, I came clean after it ended to my husband and it's been a long road trying to move past it and were still not 100% almost 12mths later. Not something I'm proud of or was ever looking for but I was in a very bad place mentally and our marriage was going through a really bad rough patch when this guy found me through a mutual friend.
Yes, I've cheated. I was infatuated with a man 18yrs my senior when I was 19. He was only the 2nd person I have ever slept with and still is. I slept with him a couple times. My partner didn't find out about the sex although I did confess to liking this man and that we kissed at a work christmas party.
My now husband still does not know the full extent of this affair and it has been hard because it's always in the back of my mind. My bestfriend knows about it and her husband so it sort of feels like it could come out at any time - especially if we have a falling out.
Within all of this shitiness though, that affair made me appreciate and love my husband more than ever and we are an incredibly strong couple. We've been together since we were about 15 yrs old, have been married 3 yrs and have 3 kids.
I’ve been cheated on and honestly I wish I’d never found out. Call me naive but what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me. When I found out it destroyed me. I still have serious trust issues because of it. It changed me forever and my current partner pays for the sins of the ex who cheated on me
I’ve been cheated on and honestly I wish I’d never found out. Call me naive but what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me. When I found out it destroyed me. I still have serious trust issues because of it. It changed me forever and my current partner pays for the sins of the ex who cheated on me