Hey guys, hope we're all keeping well and safe ❤
I have an interesting question for you and would appreciate any feedback or advice to pass on.
Okay my mum and dad have been seperated (divorced now?) Living under the same roof for 3-4 years. Unhappy with one another for 15?
But they get on well, both pay 50/50 for bills, mum would cut his hair for him, they would chat but nothing too much, don't hang out on the lounge together or make each other meals anymore. They do do trades, ie lasagna for servicing my car etc.
They've been working on the house to get ready to sell, its been slow going. They have alot of atuff in storage to work through etc. Their house though is teeny tiny, a 3x1, the size of a unit, really small.
Dad went last year and did seasonal work, so was away for ages and only came back in November. Now i know hes been dating, mum didn't, i understand dad is lonely and really wants to move on and meet someone. Which he did doing his seasonal work, good for him!
But as mum was going to house sit at my sisters house for a month he drops it on mum, I've met someone and she will be coming to and from the house while your away. Shes couch surfing and has nowhere to go.
Mum rocked up the day she was meant to be leaving to go to my sisters and the new lady was there, mum noticed she had brought a suitcase with her. Mum said to her not to touch her stuff or go into her room, the other woman just belly laughed at mum and said 'i'm not like that!' to which mum replied 'i dont know you, your a stranger'
Fast forward a month of mum crying and having anxiety wondering if this woman would be moved in while she was away, if she would go into her room and touch her belongings.
Turns out she was helping dad go through the storage container (something mum and dad agreed on they would do together, being alot of memoires and things like that stored in there).
So mums back at home, new lady has NOT moved in but still having anxiety having to see her and deal with her.
Dad introduces new lady to us kids, she seens nice, I like her, she makes my dad happy.
Fast forward to covid-19, mum is now working from home, cant leave the house, can't stay at friends, go get a drink etc.
Dad hasn't worked since Nov, is no longer able to pay for half the bills, the buggar even had the nerve to tell mum she should move out, but fingers crossed there's still money in the sale of the house so mum doesnt want to move.
Now mum is crying every day seeing them together, holding hands, laughing.
She loves dad but doesnt want to be with him but also doesnt want this in her face day in day out.
Mum told dad she doesnt want new lady coming around anymore, 10 mins later new lady rocks up, so mum says same thing to her, with tears in her eyes, she told her how uncomfortable it is being around them and wishes they would go somewhere else and not come here anymore. Again new lady belly laughed at mum and pretty much told her to get used to it, that shes couch surfing and they have no where else to go.
Nowwww the big one, whats the next step, this woman starts sleeping over, dads room backs onto mums 😪 mum brought this up with them and they again just laughed it off.
Mums crying daily again, what a living hell.
Cue me, ready to have bloody strong words with dad and new bird but mum wont have a bar of it, doesnt want to seem bitching about him or play nasty games.
Mum hasnt told anyone else, i have 3 siblings.
Told my hubby, he thinks dad is a total dick, absolute dick move and mum should kick him out cause shes paying all the bills but i know thats not fair on dad either, theres been times he supported mum too.
This is the quick winded version, I wish my parents had seperated 15 years ago, instead they both lived unhappily for us kids 💔
Thanks for reading ❤ now halllpppppp what do we doooo???? Thank you xx
8 Replies
You tell them to both grow up and go there separate ways. There is absolutely no reason for them to be under the same roof after all this time.
Tell them you will help them to go there seperate ways but you will no longer get involved in discussing what one parent does wrong to the other if they don’t divide things up and live separately.
They both have never really moved on for all kinds of toxic reasons and it’s time for that to end or leave the kids out of it.
Your Dad and his gf are being insensitive jerks. Are they having noisy sex on purpose to annoy her? That is not on. Could she get something drawn up to say they both pay half each? They aren't married anymore she should not be paying his way. If I were you I would honestly tell your Dad and his gf to grow up. What mature age woman is couch surfing anyway? They are both taking your Mum for a ride.
While your dad is being a jerk your mum can't have her cake and eat it to. What I meant by that is if she doesn't want to be with him any more she kicks him out or she moves out (considering she's paying the bills he should be the one leaving) she's obviously been fine with the living under one roof arrangement and if they aren't in a relationship he is entitled to a partner and if he is an owner of the house then also to have visitors just like any house sharing situation (covid-19 restrictions excepted). As a previous poster said they both need to grow up and go their separate ways.
Thanks guys original poster here, sorry I dont think I made it clear but dad has been spending his days renovating the house for sale, finishing off all the odd jobs etc it has taken a lot of work. He wants to get it on the market for spring apparently (hopefully sooner).
So they do plan on selling asap and splitting any money, i guess this situation just gives them both a fire up their asses to hurry up!
Thanks guys xx
They are still dragging there feet. It takes most people under 12 months from separating to actually leaving. There are many ways they could have finished this without it taking this long.
They obviously haven’t been motivated until now.
Maybe they both need to leave and rent the house out? House prices are predicted to slump they may regret selling anytime soon. If they can remain amicable for a bit longer they might be better off financially selling the house in a few years time. It must be so hard for your Mum they were together so long, but it really does need to end with a hard line between them so she can grieve the relationship and get on with her life.
This would be my suggestion too. They both move out and each pay their own way. Your mum should not be paying for him and his girlfriend to live. I would be so angry and upset with my dad if he did this to my mum.
Can’t your mum stay with you? I’d hate it if my mum was going through this. They need to part ways.