Can my marriage be saved? Bare with me as it may be slightly long.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married 4 and have a 7 month old. We had to go through numerous rounds of ivf to have our babe - was totally worth it!
When we first got together it was great, like it always is but the sexual part of the relationship was and still is non-existent :( I’ve spoken to him numerous times about the lack of sex in our marriage and how it makes me feel and I always get met with “I’ll try harder”, “I’m just exhausted from work”, “we’ll have more sex”. All of these statements just become empty promises because nothing ever gets better.
To make matters worse he’ll promise thst we’ll have sex on the weekend and then it never happens. I’ve told him I don’t agree to him being the one who gets to decide when we do and don’t have sex...
I totally understand he is exhausted from work - he works quite a physical/mental job but how can I try and explain to him that he needs to make us a priority?
I’m also struggling with the lack of help I’m getting with our son. We have a 7 month old and I’m still on maternity leave so do pretty much everything around the house and for our son.
When my husband gets home, he disappears outside to water plants, shower etc and it’s at the time I need him the most. I’m trying to prepare dinner, get his lunch ready for the next day, organize the baby to be fed and bathed. So it’s a pretty stressful few hours trying to do it all.
He thinks because he works and that I’m at home that he doesn’t need to help because he just wants to sit and relax when he gets home because that’s what I get to do all day 😳🤦🏼♀️
The lack of initiative is really bugging me as well, constantly has to be asked to get baby into pjs, bath him, get him ready for bed. There’s no initiative and I’m sooooo over it. I feel like I have two children.
I’ve started to think that leaving and being a single mum would just be easier because I pretty much do that now already. I’ve been feeling this way for awhile now and I’ve spoken to him about it numerous times but he doesn’t take me seriously.
I feel like I deserve better and so does our baby. I’m not one to give up on things easily but is there anyway to try and save our marriage before it’s too late? 😞😞
8 Replies
Yes it can possibly be saved. Try counselling before you give up. Things need to be expressed and worked through and changed to make it work, you might as well try before you end it completely, at least then you will know you gave it everything and know it's time.
Of course it can be saved. You just need to be heard and actually acknowledge for the way you feel. If he can't do that for you, then nothing will change.
I would try counselling too because it sounds like any times you've a at down and told him, he doesn't take you seriously enough .
Stop making his lunch for starters!
That was my first thought!! 😂 hate to say it but she has allowed this all to happen by doing everything from the start I’d say. Stop making his food... doing his laundry... start putting your foot down.
Of course he gets to decide if he does or doesn’t want to have sex. This is not just your decision. His body his rules and if he’s not wanting to have sex then you need to find an alternate release. Most relationships can be saved if both parties want it to be saved and both work on rectifying it.
Yes he does need to help you, yes he does need to make it a partnership being a stay at home mum isn’t sitting on the couch relaxing all day. My partner seems to think it’s easier than what he does sometimes and I just leave him with the kids. He doesn’t do any more in a day than I do. He would like it if I did more but running around after our kids is a chore in itself. I hope you can work it out with some help. Maybe some couples counselling.
I feel this so much, I feel like I do Absolutely everything apart from go to work... my fiancé does the exact same works all day then will come home and water his gardens or go exercise in the shed for ages while I’m trying to bath baby and cook dinner/lunch while baby is upset and needs attention.. except now he can’t work for a few months and guess what it’s the exact same I still do everything while he watches tv. Just a little bit of help around the house or anyrhing would be nice. I’m the one who doesn’t want sex purely because I get myself so worked up and angry bout doing everything that I don’t even feel like having sex. I don’t even bother asking for help anymore cause as soon as I do it’s oh I was just about to go outside or about to do “something” but Im still expected to do shit while looking after baby... I’m drained and finding myself a different person that’s not as happy and more angry
Can you give him options? My partner and I both work and we are both tired. I ask things like “do you want to bath the baby or wash the dishes?” Or “I’ll fold the washing, you vacuum.” We both finish jobs at the same time, everything gets done and we can sit and enjoy the evening together.
All of these things can be overcome to save you marriage BUT he HAS to acknowledge the issues and make a commitment to work on them. If he’s not going to get help for his sex drive or admit he needs to step up as an equal parent and partner around the house then it’s dead in the water and you’re better off out of there as you deserve better. Have a serious talk and set a timeframe and if there isn’t significant improvement then go before bubs is old enough to know any different