Confused with love

Hi,

I was married to a lovely man for about 15 years. The father of my children. He was my rock. He was caring, supportive, intelligent and strong. He was and still is a great dad to our children.

Unfortunately due to various life stresses and one of children suffering with a chronic illness we had very little time and in my case energy for physical intimacy. This was a bigger issue for him. Even though I loved him and thought the world of him I wasn’t physically interested in sex with him. I felt guilty for not wanting it but couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with it. Anyway after several years of being in a virtually sexless marriage he eventually went outside of the marriage for sex. I found out, he didn’t tell me but confessed once I confronted him. I was really hurt and felt betrayed even though I understand he has needs which weren’t being met by me. I felt that I had the right as his wife for him to be honest with me. We did marriage counselling and stayed together for another couple of years and tried make things work. We eventually separated as I didn’t want to be physically intimate with him and knew it wasn’t fair for to continually deprive him of physical intimacy. We discussed an open relationship but I couldn’t come to terms it.

Anyway fast forward a couple of years and I have met someone else. He’s very different to my ex. A sweet guy but has massive hangups. He struggles with life in a major way. He manages to hold down a job by a thread. I try to be supportive and encourage him as much as possible but find that his moods are really bringing me down. I miss the strength of my ex. His wisdom etc. I feel so guilty for missing him. I just don’t know what to do. He hurt me but I know it wasn’t malicious. I just can’t seem to let him go completely.

I love my current partner but seem to struggle to accept him for him. Love should be unconditional, right? I guess it’s obvious that I’m not over my ex. Maybe I never will be. I wouldn’t go back. I couldn’t. I just want to accept what is. How do I let go?

Sorry .. I’m so tired and not making a lot of sense. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I think I just needed to express myself.