My daughter is 3 and attends day care. She is Caucasian.
We live in an area with a lot of different nationalities.
She has 3 besties and two of which are African.
She has made comments such as "I want to say bye to the black boy". Or " The black man is waiting for the bus".
These are things we do not say about people who are of other nationalities in our day to day life.
I don't know if or how to tell her that's not nice to say things like that or what to do.
I do not want to come across as racist in the post. But I don't know how else to word this. Sorry if anyone is offended.
But what do you do when a child makes comments like that?
We are surrounded but alot of nationalities and cultures where we live and have no prejudices to anyone.
10 Replies
You say 'just say man, you don't need to say black' 'just say friend, you don't need to say black' they get it as they get older. You can model it as well, in polite public situations we don't describe people by their looks, if you need to choose an identifying feature you choose their shirt or hat, hair style/bow, etc.
It's just an observation. Adults tend to awkwardly skirt around this issue, kids just call it as they see it!
Just try and encourage her to use names or describe people by other characteristics other than skin colour.
An example - when she says "I want to say goodbye to the black boy", correct her by saying "How about we use his name! Go and say goodbye to Joshua".
I love kids of this age, they are just so innocent and pure. She has no idea what shes saying. Her little friends are probably the ones that taught her to say black, African people will proudly call themselves black so if your little one asked them about their skin colour they most likely answered that they are black. So your daughter got her answer and now every black person is well, black.
I used to work in a school with mostly indigenous kids and there was always innocent talk of skin colour. I remember one indigenous girl telling the colouring in table that she was black, a Caucasian boy started to argue with her that no, she was brown. I then had to make the awkward explanation of indigenous people call themselves black but it's only ok for them to call themselves black, everyone else says indigenous! Maybe a conversation like that will help her understand but honestly I don't think anyone is going to think badly of a 3 year old for saying that as a descriptive word.
You just talk about it at home. Some people have really dark skin dont they? Its really normal. Its just the way they were born. And most of the time, when two black people have a baby, the baby is black too. But sometimes they have fairer babies ectect It usually means they are a different nationality to us such as maori, Chinese, African ect ect... they are just like us but have different skin colour which is okay. But some people dont like it when you call them black, so it's best if you dont use the word black. Just treat them like everyone else.
Usually if you adress it and talk about it being normal, it won't become a describing word she will use because it wont stand out to her anymore.
It is completely normal and i dont think many people would be overly offended at this age as they are so young. But just having chats about it will help.
My partners mum is very dark maori. And all her children are fair, as is their dad. One day my 3yo son looked her dead in the eye and said "Nan why is your skin so brown?" ... it had never come up in conversation before then. She loved explaining it to him.
I wanted to add, ive also brought a few different types of dolls with the different skin colours. And weve named them so we refer to them as their names and theyve become the norm... they are just kmart/target dollys
I wanted to add, ive also brought a few different types of dolls with the different skin colours. And weve named them so we refer to them as their names and theyve become the norm... they are just kmart/target dollys
There’s no ill intention behind what she is saying. It’s purely an observation for what she is seeing. If the person was purple she’d most likely name him as a purple man.
When she talks about someone maybe if you say something similar to” yes I see him. The man with the grey top”.
That way you’re acknowledging the person that’s being talked about but changing the focal point to clothing.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Just comment back, isn't his skin a lovely colour? Or ask what her new friend's name is? This is not at all racist or mean and is very normal at this age. Oh. When my kids did this, I used to discuss how I was short with curls and daddy was tall with straight hair etc and that our differences make us all special
I think you're over thinking it because you're concerned about been racists. Which is an honorable thing to be concerned about but your child is just making observations. Like "that man is old" or "that man has one leg" or "that person has a big belly". It's completely innocent and normal for a that age. Just repeat it back without the "black" "that men is waiting for the bus" or like I did when my son called people old "we don't say that it's rude". Most people understand it's just what little kids do.
It is racist. It’s descriptive.