My husbands cousin is now divorced and he's always loved the strippers, skimpies and he and his ex often invited others into the bedroom. Completely none of my business and no judgment from me at all. Their behaviour did not impact me. However my husband has said he is going to the strippers tomorrow night with his cousin and friends just because. Would anyone else be annoyed by this? If it was a bucks night I get that its tradition but on a Friday night while I'm home with the children like every other night???? Im never bothered by him going out but I'm rather annoyed that I should just be ok with this. This isnt the norm for him and he is 38, if he had always popped into the skimpys for a beer with work mates after work maybe I would feel differently??
6 Replies
My husband on few occasions has gone to the strippers with his female friends. Sometimes he goes with male friends. I never go tho, doesn't interest me. I didn't have a problem when he went . It's only been 2 or 3 times in our 15 yrs together that he's gone. But I know he's not interested in the strippers in general, he had only gone because his friends invited him along. Was just a night out, no harm.
In your case, you know your own husband. Everyone's level of acceptance is different individually as couples. If you don't feel right about it you probably have good reason to feel that way. Do you think your husband will copy his cousin and take other couples into a bedroom too? Do you think he will lust after the strippers? If you answer yes, its probably because you don't trust him, and only you know why you there is no trust regarding it.
Just because his cousin does it, doesn't mean your husband will. But if it bothers you that he might, or that he's going to the strippers in general, theres a deeper reason why it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he's never given you reason to not trust him before, it could also be a deep seated jealousy issue on your part. Jealousy is a normal emotion that we have all experienced some time in our lives and isn't anything to be ashamed of, providing you know how to keep it under some sort of control.
Would he feel upset if it were you going to a male strip club with your romping cousin? Ask him how he might think if it were reversed. He may or may not feel jealous or distrustful of you himself in the slightest. Only you know your own limits in your relationship. But if he's someone you trust, you shouldn't worry.
Maybe it's a one-off divorce celebration/commiseration and he doesn't think that is a pertinent detail, maybe he'll go and not like the club anyway, maybe he's having an off/asshole day.
Give it once. I'd still be honest and say I don't like it, but that I understand it's not a regular occurance and can accept it's something he feels he wants to do.
If next Friday, or Friday week rolls around and the same thing came up then you've got a regular occurrence and you've given warning you're not ok with this. It's a good place to bring up relationship counselling because half of a partnership that blatantly disregards the other half needs a serious wake up call on how a partnership works.
My partner has gone for bucks parties and when he is in thr city with mates for sporting events (as we dont have stripper locally). I too, feel like you and i was fine with the bucks, as its a tradition. I just ask not to know details because it makes me feel ick.
But when theyve gone down and just gone for the fun of it, I find it a bit upsetting. It is hard though in that setting because its a whole group and to decline, he has to split up the group.. which he has done since i voiced how degrading it is.
Every woman feels different about this topic (as well as porn)
Its a completely personal opinion and every relationship differs with their rules and boundaries, so just because someone on here says they dont have a problem with it doesnt mean you have to feel the same way.
Obviously this has hit a nerve with you though or you wouldnt be here, so my advice is to take 10 mins and talk to your husband and tell him that you feel uneasy and your reasons why, hopefully he can reassure you and together you can make sure you're on the same page regarding boundaries (eg, lap dances, is this a one-time thing, maybe he can call you at X time etc)
Try not to send him out the door feeling angry or frustrated as this will only increase your anxiety while hes gone.
For the record, strippers are usually professional people who just want to do their job and go home and generally arent interested in the men there in any other way.
This is a question only you can answer but my personal opinion is I'd be more ok with a once off or occasional visit than at bucks parties. Why? Because bucks parties tend to bring out the more extreme aspects of what goes on at strip clubs (eg. My husband got whipped at a bucks party that wasn't his own) whereas on a 'regular Friday night' the most that is likely to occur is a lap dance aside from just watching (and let's be honest you can see most of the same thing at the movies). Anyway as a previous poster said just talk to your husband- however be ready to hear his point of view as well.
No that’s disgusting and I would be mortified if my husband told me that! I think you need to tell him how you feel and express your concerns.